A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help, now. My fiance and I have been together for a year and a half and are moving in together soon. We have a problem and it is beginning to seriously affect our relationship. Every now and then she will become filled with love and lust for me and will just drop everything to be physically close to me and passionately kiss me and such. I love this and get into it. The trouble is that I am very aware of time and real life, so if we need to be somewhere or its time for something to happen then I will stop and move forward with the task or appointment at hand. This greatly upsets her as she just wishes that I would let go and give into the moment of lust and love but I just can't give over that much control. She cries over this issue and it is becoming a big problem and something needs to be done about it, but we don't know what. She hates herself for feeling this way and I hate myself for not giving her what she wants, as you can see, this is not a healthy way to feel in a relationship.All answers are welcome and appreciated.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (6 July 2015):
I’m sorry but your girlfriend needs to stop whining and get over it. There is, quite simply, a time and a place. True, the idea of diarised intimacy is frightfully unromantic and probably a pretty effective passion killer, but spontaneity also has its limits. Perhaps your girlfriend needs to hear from you, that you actually really like the spontaneity. IT’s not the fact that she suddenly comes over all amorous that puts you off, and in no way are you rejecting her. It is, quite simply, a question of impractical timing. The chat you should have, then, shouldn’t be about her hating herself for being spontaneous with her affections, or you hating that it bothers you so much. Rather, you should point out that it’s something you both like, but that you should agree boundaries. By boundaries, I mean the circumstances in which you would both welcome this happening. You might, hypothetically, love the idea that she makes a move while you’re watching TV at the weekend, or doing the housework, but might find it more of a problem if you’re working at home, about to head off for an appointment etc. In this way, you compromise by allowing for times where she can be spontaneous and expect you to accept it. She has to compromise by accepting that, if she’s prone to spontaneous desire like this, it is a fact of life for every red-blooded human being on the planet that sometimes you can’t indulge your horniness. Sometimes, she’ll just have to control herself if it’s going to make things uncomfortable for you. If she really can’t accept this, she’s every bit as immature and childish as she comes across.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 She's more of a romantic and you're more of a pragmatist. She wants the fairy-tale romance, the lust, love and displays of affection that come with a relationship while you, even though you love her, are more grounded in reality and try not to let emotions distract you.
The other thing that you mention is that you "can't give over that much control.". Why would you use the term "control" OP? What makes you think that by giving up control? Control over what? Your feelings? Are you scared of the fact that you'll become emotionally dependent on her? That you will lose control over your emotions and not be stoic and strong like you're used to being?
Now, getting back to the question, you dont have to give in to her if you think that there is something else for you to do but you can always give her a reassuring hug and a kiss and tell her that you cant wait to be with her at night. Surely a hug and a kiss wont take that long! Tell her of things that you would like to do to her when you're alone. Keep in touch through the day through text messages or a call...even a simple "Love you" means that you're thinking about her. Make her feel happy and secure, tell her how lucky you are to have her in your life. Love her, cherish her, make her feel desirable.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 I would understand if this happens at the beginning stages of a relationship, and you were crazy in love. I would get teary too, but it's the kind that you can't hold back because your hear opens, you feel so touched, and not the problematic kind that needed a solution. After a year and this is still happening? I would feel she has attachment/abandonment issues and thinks that sex is what affirms the love, her existence and importance in your life.
I would try to figure out what led her to become so insecure, like what happened in her past, what was her childhood like, etc. I think you are a responsible gentleman so it's not something you had done to make her upset. If this issue is not resolved it would be very draining for you after you live together.
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A
female
reader, crazybeyatch  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 I just read your situation and can relate. I understand your point of view knowing you have things to do. But I also understand her point of view that shes trying to get your attention and she gets emotionally upset due to you pushing her away due to something else you have to get done. Life is WAY to short to push away your love that you are engaged to. Surprise her the next time this happens and go with the moment for her sake. Postponing whatever it is that you need done for 10-15 mins to give her that time instead will give you and her a world of happiness. She feels that she's not good enough for your time when you push her away. Men and Woman both need to feel "wanted". Try it once to see if she reacts differently or not. Trial and error I guess you could say.
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