A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went on a first date with a guy of 45. I am 40 with a grown up son, professional and have my own place and ready to date again after concentrating on work and the parenting side of life. I work out and stay healthy and feel very grateful in that I have good solid friends and a fairly close family.I felt insulted that my date asked if I was paying for our second round of drinks seeing that I was driving and on orange juice. He didn't ask if I was hungry and I had to drive us to the next pub as his van was too dirty for me to sit in. Then on our second date he wanted me to entertain him at my place. He hasn't tried it on so I don't think he is just in it for hanky panky. I am not sure whether to see him again. He seems a bit arkward socially. I'm told I am attractive and a good catch but I feel out of touch and seem to meet separated men looking for a fling or guys who don't socialise much. Am I being difficult and expecting too much? I just feel a bit lost. I go to meetup groups and thought internet dating might open doors for me. It feels very contrived and an awkward way to meet guys. I love my life but am looking fo that special guy for some hot passionate sex and fun times in a relationship. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (6 July 2015):
Welcome back to the dating world. :)))
So...as you can see things have not changed much. Still the kind of guys out there that no one wants to be with, and the good guys hiding in the shadows.
What you have here is a situation you do not want to explore any further. Consider these dates life's warning of guys you should stay away from.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): Ditch the current loser, if someone turned up to a date in a dirty van I would be out of there.You can afford to be picky, you can meet someone for a drink and decide they're not for you and you don't owe them anything other than a polite decline of future invitations. My mother in law went on online dating, she was contacted by either complete weirdo's, fraudsters looking for a daft older woman to con some cash out of or guys who seemed to want one night hook ups. There was a very short supply of genuine people. A friend used a dating site where you had to pay for membership. People there at least seemed a bit more sincere but there was still a lot of oddballs.I would suggest widening your social circle, go to dancing groups (my mother in law met people through a salsa group - actual nice people she could go on more than one date with-), or join clubs that meet regularly that interest you. Mention to friends you are interested in dating again, they might know someone and could set up introductions. Online dating works for some, and if you want to try it then find a reputable site that charges members a fee as that should discourage the idiots but be mindful of con artists and scammers. Use online to meet people but get to know someone in real life rather than over the Internet. Don't settle for less than you want and don't in anyway feel obliged to continue seeing that current guy...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 I think with online dating you might meet more "toads" than "not toads" - but there ARE some good ones out there. I think it's just about patience and not giving up.
If a guy seems like a DUD (like the one you describe) don't waste any more time or energy on him, move on to the next. And saying no, you are not coming over to my place till I know you better will cut such a dude right off.
Maybe you need to try something else, besides the meetup groups. If you are into something like (example) hiking or painting/photography etc) maybe join a local group and meet new people that way.
Personally, I would stay VERY clear of "separated" guys, as I have seen WAY too many posts with women having found out that they aren't REALLY separated and the FACT that they are NOT actually single - a separated person IS still married in the eyes of the law.
Don't give up.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 July 2015):
 He sounds he's too broke for you. He wanted some but would rather have you take charge in case he got rejected. You can be picky, but be realistic at the same time. If only you could find a single dad just like yourself. I think women survive much better than men after they divorce. If the guys have the quality you are looking for, then they wouldn't still be single right?
It's simple really. You are either attracted to this guy or not. You didn't mention one thing you like about him. I did online dating before. I always thought that when you put in your income information, you would get a match that makes the same amount. You are out of this guy's league. You do have to reject a lot of guys before you find the right one. It's always better to talk to them first and try your ESP power because a lot of them lie. I know, it's very disheartening to pay a babysitter only to find out it's for going on dates then dumping them. I do have success with online dating. A socially awkward is of course better than "separated men". There has to be one who could bring out passion in you. Hang in there.
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