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female
age
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anonymous
writes: What is usually the right thing to think, when your husband loses his sex drive?Do men usually know, why they don't have sex drive ,or they are not? Is it possible not to know?My husband lost his sex drive years ago, and he says, he has no idea why. He says its not because he doesn't love me... I want to believe him, but it's hard. How can get any further if he says that? Trust? It's not easy for years.He was checked by doctors and he is fine.He does get erections is his sleep, so it works, but he has no sexual desire what so ever.What can I do? I do want to save my marriage, it means a lot to me, but I how can I stop thinking of his all the time, that he is not in love with me? Thanks
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Geez there is nothing to save! A marriage without sex is just as intact as a marriage with sex. Men his age, if he is in your age range, they get tired. Stop worrying so much about it. Sex isn't love. Focus on the other ways he shows his love to you. Does he still cuddle with you? Does he still kiss you? If these things are missing for some time, then you should worry.
Does he smoke? That can make men less into sex as well.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Does he know how this has affected you and the way you look at him and the marriage? Does he realize that he risks losing you? I mean REALLY understand that?
You've ruled out the first thing I was going to suggest, but you know what? Maybe it's time to revisit that. Maybe he has some hormonal imbalance that needs correcting? The thing is that he has to go in and push for finding the answer, and it sounds like he's not going to do that.
Another thing to consider as a potential cause is depression. It has the nasty effect of taking away the pleasure in things that someone used to enjoy. I'd definitely get this looked at too, by the doctor. There are some drugs out there that can help and should not be rejected out of hand.
Is he in good shape? Does he take care of himself? Does he feel good about his body?
The thing that must be so frustrating for you is that he doesn't seem to be chasing down answers for this.
Okay, next thing I'm going to suggest, please don't freak out on. Could it be that his sexual orientation is not strictly heterosexual? Could he be in the closet and not want to tell you and mess up the marriage or even confront that possibility himself? I know, that's a stretch, but I think running through the list of reasons, that one is on there.
So there's physical health, there's mental health and there's sexual orientation. I'm trying to come up with another one, but I can't.
The thing you need to do, as lovingly and gently and supportively as you possibly can, is to talk with him about this. Let him know how this is making you doubt the very survival of this marriage. The thing about depression is that he may intellectually grasp this, but the depression is keeping him from taking action to correct it. It gets in the way of doing the things you know you should be doing, the things you need to do. So it's tricky.
I'd start at the doctor's office again, with him, and you go in there with him and hear the discussion. I think that's okay to ask in this case.
Let me go find a website I often provide a link to, to see if they have anything on this. I'll post it here if they do.
Hope this helps in some way.
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A
female
reader, Nikkii Babyee  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 well i know im not younger than you but in biology we learnt about like the girls menopause at the age of around 40-50 and with that we learnt that something similar happens to guys but it effects there sex! its just that they dont have the same passion as they used to and it sounds lkike this has happened to yer husband! youv been with him most of your life most likely so seriously keep believin in him a mean a guy turnin down sex =O thers obviously a reason lol so just trust him :)
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