A
male
age
41-50,
*ay256
writes:hi, im jay 28 yrs old gay and dont have any feeling for girls. but i have too marry a girl very soon, i have already stopped my gay activities and want to live like other married couples and i have heared that many gays are married and have kids too, so please any gay married friend tell me how could i make it possible means how could i get erection at the time of sex with my wife. pls reply.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Hi Tisha, where have you posted articles related to mixed orientation marriges, I read all ur answers, but couldn't find a single addressing this issue. can you help me to find it out and have more knowledge about the consiquences of these kind of marriges ?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 You didn't actually read any of my threads did you? The ones where the women married to gay men who had hid it expressed the devastation in their lives--that they had been ruined, wasted years of their life with a man who could not fully and truly love them, be intimate with them, desire them as women. It is a terrible waste of the woman's life, she deserves to have a chance with a man who can actually love her.
You don't desire women, you will not be able to fake it for very long. Your wife will figure out that you do not enjoy sex with her, that you do not find her sexually attractive. Little by little, this will wear away at her, this will make her feel less and less desirable, her spirit will die within the marriage.
You do not have the right to ruin another person's life because you lack courage.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Because if you don't tell her she will be living a lie, what she feels in her heart of hearts will be a sham. Who could do that to other human being?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Thanks for all answers, most of the woman said I should not marry that girl,because when she will know, she will be very sad, it will distroy our life when she will come to know. But I am still confused, whats wrong in this, I read that there are many gays (pure gays) who are married & have children too. She will feel bad only when she will come to know, but if I will not say her about it ever then what is wrong here to marry her.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (27 September 2010):
 If you do this without her knowing it you are cheating her out of a husband.
And you will be very sorry, and you will make her very sorry.
It's just a horrible place to be trapped in, but one you must face with honesty.
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (23 September 2010):
 If she is NOT fully aware that you are gay... then you should NOT marry her. You should only marry someone when you can tell them EVERYTHING. If you haven't told her... then you are withholding a 'secret' from her... that will only come out... one way or another... in the long run... and will most likely be disastrous for all parties involved.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 I have a Gay friend, he is very very nice friend of mine.
He is not married but he has two sons and they live together. She didnt know that he is gay. His live in partner love him so much that is the reason she accepted not to marry at the first time. but time goes by, His partner change her mind and now wanted to get married also for the sake of childrens they have. But he said theres no way that he is going to marry her. And now the big trouble start when he admit that he is a gay. His children has a problem about the situation knowing their father is a gay.
So i would say, think it very hard first before you go into this the same situation. I will not marry this woman if i were you and i will just live the way i am. anyway good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 September 2010):
I think you are being forced into an arranged marriage, is that right? My advice is to NOT get married, if you cannot function as a true spouse to a woman. You will ruin her life as well as yours, and that is not honorable.
Here are some resources that will help you understand why NOT to do it:
http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php
http://www.voy.com/86426/
Alas, your sexual orientation is your sexual orientation. Unless you have some sexual feelings for women, every sexual act you have with your spouse is going to be an act, a pretense, a theatrical performance. Your heart will not be in it and you will come to resent it and her for having to pretend.
If in your culture you MUST be married, maybe there is some way you could find a lesbian who doesn't want to have sex with a man. The thought of people having to live life with such lies makes me sad but I guess you have to do what you have to do.
But you should NOT marry a woman who does not know of your sexual orientation. That is deceitful and dishonest and unfair.
I wish you good luck.
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