A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for about 7 weeks now. things have been really good and we get on so well. He works away mon-fri after getting a job promotion and is doing really well. He told me about his childhood and how traumatic it was.. His mum was an alcoholic and ran away taking his sisters with her when he was 6. He was left with his dad who is also an alcoholic. However all this had made him stronger, he has a brilliant job as a bank manager, earns very good money and has overall done well for himself. Thanks to his bad childhood he has always told me how he's going to be a great dad, how many kids he's going to have and how he's gunna support them with everything - basically doing what he never had. Yesterday he told me he loves me and that all the things he talks about in his future, he wants with me. He's even asked if I'd ever consider relocating to be with him.I am flattered but is it genuine? And isit too early for him to be saying these things or should I just go with what feels right?
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female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 I'm in a similar situation, my new boyfriend of also around 7 weeks, has shared a great deal with me, and assumes we will spend all our time together. He talks about the future, I know he wants kids and think he will make a wonderful father - he is kind, considerate, loving and always has been.I've been feeling a little smothered the last few days, I've been hurt badly in the past and whilst I know in my heart I want everything this man is and can be - my head is saying too quick, too soon, I'm squashed, and thinking of reasons why this is wrong.I had a discussion with my youngest brother, he is about your age and falls for girls very quickly - he says when he meets someone he "just knows" and wants to spend all the time he can with them, and feels like he wants to share everything about him to them so they understand about him from the start and that it's not something that comes up several months later, this might be why this chap has shared all this. in your case it depends also on how much time you have spent with them! I've spent nearly every day with my new boyfriend since we met so it actually feels like we have been together far longer than if we had only been seeing each other a few days a week.I think in your case, you need to really look at him when he talks to you, watch his body language you will know. Seven weeks is in my opinion too quick to relocate, but if he feels as you describe then he will accept and respect your space/decision. You also need to decide exactly what you want - as if his feelings are genuine (which I'm sure they are) then you don't want to hurt him :)I wish you luck!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 October 2011):
 It sounds like you are getting good advice already; I'll just add a few things to consider.
First is that because of his bad childhood, and the things he's described to you about what he sees as his future, he may have certain expectations about how that will happen which may not be in line with how you feel. If he has a rigid approach to this and you need to fall in line with his expectations, this is a red flag.
I think his being open and honest about his childhood is good, the question it raises for me is whether he will be able to see you as an individual, and see you as you are, not as some dream-come-true wish fulfillment. Sometimes when people have certain expectations, they don't react well when the people around them aren't reading from the same script. You want to be in a story the two of you write together, not a supporting actress to his lead. That's not healthy.
So for me, his suggestion that you relocate after only 7 weeks of dating, his saying he loves you, suggests that he has a certain script playing in his mind. The question is, how is he if you decide to ad lib your own part, and move things along at a rate YOU are comfortable with?
Proceed with some caution, I think, it doesn't mean you don't have feelings for him, I think it's perfectly sensible to be pragmatic and practical about things.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 October 2011):
 he seems clingy too soon, probably latching onto you to provide the love and affection he has been missing in his life. all you can do is keep your feet on the ground. make this relationship go at YOUR pace, not his because he is not really being sensible. you need to get to know him better. you need to know a bit more about his previous dating histroy. if he has had lots of girlfriends in the past that he has fell in love with quickly but then the relationships always seem to fall apart or he gets bored and cheats or wants to leave them, you need to take notice of this because this will probably be what happens with you in the future. don't promise him that you will relocate, tell him you want to slow down
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): It is definitely possible that he is being genuine. He must feel a strong connection with you to open up to you like that. You should not be skeptical about it and take it for what it is unless you have reason to. Otherwise, you are just dwelling on something that is meant to be sincere and from the heart.
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A
female
reader, golddigger99 +, writes (5 October 2011):
 My husband and I fell in love at the very beginning and we've been together for 8 years already. It is not uncommon for people to feel a strong bond to one another, but after two days of sharing an attraction, my husband and I fell in love. It was instant. I see no problem with the way things are going, but it sounds to me that you might be a little put off by his sudden revelations about his love for you and the future he wants to share with you. If this is the case, there is no foul in asking him to slow things down. In fact, if he truely loves you and sees a future with you, then he would have no problem doing so if it means keeping you in his life. If what 'feels right' is traveling down the path of love with this man that you've only began dating 7 weeks ago, then good luck to you! Love is a beautiful thing, and putting it off for a few days because of feelings that it might be too soon, is a waste of a great thing!
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male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (5 October 2011):
 Hi, This is very early on isn't it? I worry that his speed and racing ahead reeks of desperation. It also spoils the mystery, the romance, the uncertainty, the element of.....Surprise!! For you, well you have to go with what you feel but for me, it spoils the mystery of a relationship to have it all mapped out and planned. I got alarm bells on a couple of occasions myself when things went fast like this. One occasion was when someone professed undying love to me after 4 weeks of a LDR. We met, she said I was the one etc. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't but it spoiled it all. (later found out she was alone and was lonely.)Another was a rebound when someone had come out of a 20 year marriage but didn't mention it at first. The reason for the speed was the rebound. The plans and love and what we were gonna do all spoiled attraction. So to sum up, you have to go with how you feel but try to get this guy to slow down. If you feel that he doesn't really know you that well yet, then ask yourself "how could he possibly be wanting to move in, have children etc with someone he has just met?" This doesn't add up and like I said it reeks of desperation. Or maybe love is like that?Good luck in what you decide!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): It is early to say those things in a relationship, but its something to look forward to. Things can always change in a relationship and his feelings seems to be real. My advice to you is to support and take it because it is something that is important to him. It always nice to know that a man will take part to be a father someday and take the responsibilities. Most men don't do that anymore some run away and some doesn't even bother. You have a good man with you. Goodluck!
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