A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do any women here like going out to bars and clubs on their own ? I'm in my 20's and dont really have many friends so i'm wondering whether to go out on my own ? I think i would feel nervous and self conscious though.i think men are brave to go out on their own.i see lots of men on their own.i might see some people i know when i go out anyway but they are only aquaintances so its not like i can call them to make arrangements and there is no guarantee that they would be there when i go there.obviously if they are there i can speak to them though .what do you think ? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 I've gone out alone, either while traveling or back in college a few times when I was the only one still in town during a break, and it works out fine if you're willing to be outgoing and social, and willing to get shot down a few times before you really get in with a person or group. I imagine chicks would have an easier time meeting guys, though whether they're guys you want to meet is up to chance.
Here's an idea - you have acquaintances, invite them out so you can get to be friends. Have a few drinks and get to know them. Be sure to have a couple of backup plans - movies at your house, or a good place to eat late at night, that sort of thing (last town I lived in, I was a member of a 24-hour rock climbing gym, which was always a unique option late at night). It'll be easier turning acquaintances into friends than meeting all new people.
A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (5 October 2011):
Try art galleries or the theatre instead- you'll meet a better class of person and he's more likely to be sober.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 October 2011):
I also think it's probably not the best idea. Going out to say, a class or gym or something like that alone is one thing. Going out to a club or bar is entirely another thing.
I think first of all, if you do go out alone all that will happen is that you'll see a lot of other people having a good time whereas you'll feel isolated and alone. It's daunting to be alone at home, but it's even more daunting to be alone in front of a lot of other people who are having fun. You won't feel too great.
Secondly, I think you'd be putting yourself in danger. We don't exactly live in a safe world, and you really don't want to put yourself in a situation where you'll be seen as a target. It would be unsafe for you to go out alone to a club or bar.
I think you'd do a lot better to try and make friends out of your acquaintances, or maybe try to make friends elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): I have to agree, I don't think it is a great idea for a woman to go out by herself to a bar or to town at that time of night, try find other (safer) ways to meet people first, and then see if you can make arrangements to go out together as a big group.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (5 October 2011):
 I don't think it sounds like a great idea. Going out on your own kind of defeats the object of going out (to be with your friends and have fun). I only go out on my own if, eg, I feel like being alone - eating in a restaurant alone - looking around at people, but being alone. If you go out alone and hope to meet some people, then you might end up having a disappointing/embarrassing/sad sort of evening - not to mention even dangerous (as friends will look out for you in unfamilar places).
Sorry to put a damper on it, but I think you'd be better going out with friends - even if only one friend. And men who go out on their own are a bit sad, and usually looking to score ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): My husband travels a ton with his work, so I too comtemplate going out on my own. Because I am married, I keep my adventures low key, like going to the movies or shopping in the city. I do not go to clubs or parties without my husband, although he wouldn't mind me doing so. I simply choose not to to stay out of trouble and not to get anyone talking. If you are single and want to mingle, then there is no reason why you shouldn't go out by yourself. If you plan on drinking though, I do recommend taking a friend with you, but you can go out to a club or party and have fun without alcohol. Yes, it is true that many men go out by themselves. Just because you are a woman, doesn't mean you can't do that too. Take the big leap and go out. Make friends, talk to people, but the most important advise I have for you is to be safe!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 yeah i did all the time in the us. i studied djs in clubs and drank only a little. no shame in doing it. on the bright side, you dont have to worry about babysitting friends, drama, alcohol issues with others etc. all that is minimized simply cause youre not surrounding yourself with people who potentially do that, youre on your own, in charge of the nite, and can do as you wish whenever you wish.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (5 October 2011):
Well, I know you are looking more for the opinion of a woman but I can give you my perspective as a guy. Many of my friends are married now so I learned to go out on my own out of necessity more than anything else. I can't say I really enjoyed it initially, but in time I have learned how to have fun on my own.
What I will do is go to an establishment that has a bar, and I'll sit down in one of the stools. Don't pick an end seat, but one in the middle. I'll "make friends" with the bartender & other staff, and sitting at the bar I don't send out the "loner" vibe that would be obvious if I were sitting at a table by myself, for example. I have successfully met women this way. Sometimes a woman will sit down next to me and I can begin a conversation. Other times they'll come up to the bar to order drinks, and I can take that brief opportunity when they're standing near me to open with them.
Now I have seen women who do this, too. The keys are the same as they are for guys - sit at the bar, and be social. Even if you're just talking to the employees, make sure you're talking. Fiddling with a phone can make you appear "busy" for a few minutes instead of just sitting awkwardly, but be careful of doing that too long or you'll begin to appear antisocial and unapproachable. It takes a little practice and being in the mindset that you're going to have fun, and it isn't an option!
Clubs call for a different tactic. As a woman, if you like to dance then you always have the option of hitting the dance floor. That will definitely allow you to meet people. Since I don't dance, and a guy alone on the dance floor is a bit odd anyway, my technique is different. I am in constant motion, like I'm mingling at a party I'm hosting. Alternately, I may find a group of guys and "make friends" so I blend in with them. If I find myself standing around, alone... I will leave and find a different bar or club.
Best of luck!
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