A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi dear lisener,I am 40 years old have two grown up daughters and a lovely husband who has never let me go without anything...He has suffered now for about five years in the bedroom if you get my drift, I have always been patient and feel really sorry for him as he does not feel like a real man ,he has suffered with a lot of stress and I know this is a big factor. I hae never put pressure on him and he has said that he will not go to the doctors (he can be very stuborn), because it has been going on for so long now I have told him I do have needs and that there are other ways of pleasing me, he felt terrible and said he has been selfish, I told him he hasn't been selfish he has had a lot to deal with at that it must be very hard for him, but after this conversation I thought he may try but no nothing, I do love him but feel so so so so unloved in many ways I miss our tender encounters and playful moments, cuddles, kisses etc etc...I have recently been e-mailing an ex who contacted me it has made my heart race and I have enjoyed the flirting he has rang me whilst i have been at work and I am really enjoying the flirting he has made me feel like a woman again, I know its wrong but the attention is just wonderful....my ex is married too, I know what your going to say I suppose but my heart is ruleing my head at the moment,.I really don't know what to do help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): Thankyou so much for all your replies I knew I was wrong and I know what I need to do, your all right I love my husband so so much I have been blinded by a few silly words how silly was I. Yes, my ex has a wife too feel sorry for her who will be the next he tries to pursue I am so lucky to have my husband I feel well guilty your right so so right, thankyou so much now I am going to get back the spice in our relationship and enjoy the rest of our lives togetherTHANK YOU!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 March 2007):
 You started out so well...then you went off track. YOU already know that what you're doing is WRONG. That is why you wrote. So, if you know it's wrong, the first thing to do is STOP now. You're about to jump into a big mess.
If this is sop important to you, and I understand why it would be, deal with it or leave your husband. What on earth would be the benefit of cheating on your husband? You haven't totally cheated yet, just mentally and you already feel guilty. Imagine how you'll feel after you lay naked in some hotel room with another married person. It couldn't get much worse.
Emphasize to your husband that this IS a big deal and give him a choice. That is the proper thing to do. If he chooses not to deal with it, you've done your job. While I understand your dilema, I guess the better or worse thing no longer holds water. I don't envy your position and don't know if I'd feel much better. It's easy to sit here and give advice. BUT, it's clear to me that cheating is no solution to your problems. Make no mistake, that is what you're doing. This old fglame stokes fires of romance, not friendship. Friendship is part of what you're supposed to have with your husband.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (15 March 2007):
 Of all the books I bought on menopause, the only book that I actually read cover to cover was Gail Sheehey's "The Male Menopause". I was so glad that I did. Although we have a thousand roles to play as wives, mothers, career-women, daughters and friends, Men have comparatively fewer roles that they define themselves by. They define themselves first by their jobs, then by husband and father. The male ego is so fragile at this time of life, especially in the bedroom. Although it is difficult to get them in to the doctor, it is URGENT that you make an appointment and DRAG him there. This could be depression, high blood pressure (STROKE), heart problems or many other things that can affect his HEALTH and your families future. You have said that you have never gone without because of his dedication to you. I'm going to be very blunt here. You have already crossed the line emotionally by e-mailing and flirting with an old flame. It is a temporary bandage for the low that you are experiencing in your marriage right now, but you are playing with fire. I personally know of several marriages that have ended in later life because of on-line dalliances, none of them have been successful because they were all running away from problems and expecting someone else to fix them. Remember, this guy is doing this behind his wife's back - how great a catch is he compared to your husband, who has stood up, been a real man and taken care of you all these years? It's very easy for him to flirt with you, he's not responsible for you and he's obviously not taking care of his OWN wife right now. Having said that, you are the only person who can take the reins and put a stop to this. It is not helping you either, your judgement is clouded and you need to be the person you promised to be in sickness and in health. He needs you and with your help, you will get back the closeness that you miss so much. Put your foot down and go to the doctor with him (mine is exactly the same...). I hope that everything turns out okay for you both, you sound like a very lucky woman. I hope you'll forgive my bluntness, but this sounds like a marriage worth fighting for. Good Luck and Take Care.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (14 March 2007):
 It's nice that you're talking with your ex but you must remember that he is just that.... YOUR EX! You are married now and so is he and unless you want to open up a big can of worms then you musn't get involved with him. It would be much healthier to talk to your husband and let him know how you're feeling, not just on the sex side of things but that you feel taken for granted and a bit unloved.
Relationships need to be worked at and it can be hard sometimes to juggle jobs and kids AND keep that close bond with your husband. He should be your best friend, the one you can go to with any problem. He probably feels awful as it is because he is stressed out and can't make love to you the way he'd like. Even although he doesn't want to go to the doctor, there are other things you can do to spice up your love life again. How old are you both? I can help you with this if you'd like me to. Either contact me here again and let me know or contact me by email on this site and we'll see if we can fix this.
I'm sure your husband loves you very much and I think you love him too. Don't spoil what you already have running to someone else just because they say a few nice words and flirt with you over the net! Let me know what you want to do...
Eve
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