A
male
age
36-40,
*onabate6
writes:I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 37.Why is it that I get criticism over the age gap from people who I see?I was in a local pizza takeaway joint when the guy behind the counter said "here's the pizza for you and your mum!"I've also had criticism off local youths shouting "Granny f***er!" at me, and one gang of girls asked her "Do you wear a crop top? I bet you'd look s***e in it anyway!", but we just ignore them.How embarrassed I was... she's not my mother, and yes, she may be 12 years older than me, but whether she's a cougar or not, your mileage will vary.Our relationship is good, she's a lovely woman, but she has few friends, so she relies on me for her social needs outside of work, as she admitted she finds it difficult to make friends.Is the age gap too big and what issues could come up due to the age gap?What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 I'm 51 and look every bit my age and then some. My boyfriend/fiance is 38 and looks 25... the biggest issue is we like different music... and he doesn't know cultural references that I do.. other than that it's PERFECT..
if it works for you guys that's great. ignore the other folks... what do they know anyway..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): If she looks alot older than you (some women don't look their age) then this will be an ongoing problem sadly,people are ignorant
Also the fact she doesn't have alot of friends or social life apart from you puts pressure on the relationship,any relationship.
She may well be a really loverly woman but is that enough to sustain a long term partnership?
Its more than just age difference here there are other things involved, so ask yourself if your prepared for the long haul or just want a fling with her, be honest with yourself.. then tell her what you decide.
12 years gap isnt so huge now but may be in 20years time.But if you love her then it will never matter...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): My mum is 12 yrs older then my dad, and they have been happily married 24 yrs this yr. Don't sweat other peoples opinions, you are both adults.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): Well I have similar stories. I was 21, going after a woman who was 30 years old. Not the biggest gap and still pretty young, but she did have a boyfriend, same age as her but she cheated with me. I didn't care, most part was about sex and she was a friend. But she has accomplished so much in her life and she's traveled many places. I guess in a way I felt jealous because at her young age she's achieved more then I know. Even her friends realized that I wasn't good for her or can ever date her officially. Most older women in their 30s sometimes are just reaching their sexual peak and are looking for compatible mates. But if it's more then sex. Step up your game and have goals to reach besides, she doesn't wanna waste her time and u don't want to be looked down on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): Please don't allow these taunts to upset you or your girlfriend. I've not had a girlfriend for years now and I would love to be able to in a relationship. As for the people I won't say that there "jealous" but rather immature, clearly they lack the understanding of what a REAL loving relationship is. My advice is that you try and encourage your girlfriend (subtly) to try and make friends her own age. But remember when you enter a relationship your other half (unless you have children) is your main social life. Good luck and don't give up.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (26 August 2011):
 I'm the 'cougar' in your situation (36 and 24). His family initially thought I just wanted a baby (SO not the case). We just have a lot of goofy things in common and have amazing chemistry. Neither of us worry about the difference except when it does come to planning the future (this 'oven'can only 'bake' for so long. But besides that, screw the rest. We're happy with each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I know I'm only 16 and you may not want an answer from someone my age but is there really an issue? I mean I've read your question and if the two of you love each other enough to want to be together why does what anyone else say make a difference?
I understand that the comments people give may be hurtful to you and to your girlfriend but your relationship is not with the rest of the world. It's between the two of you and personally I don't see anything wrong with your relationship or the age gap between you both.
I hope everything works out well between you both and I hope the comments from people don't ruin what you have. You clearly love each other.
I hope this helped you a bit.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 August 2011):
 About the only thing I can think of is this: When she begins to collect Social Security (soon!) make sure that she has the amount direct-deposited to her bank account. There are SO MANY stories of elderly people who receive there S/S by mail (check) and are then accosted and lose the money to local thugs.....Good luck....P.S. Do you think this woman's mother might like to meet me????? (I'm joking people)
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk! +, writes (26 August 2011):
 Hiyaaaaa,Honestly some people are just belligerent, they like to have an excuse to start a fight.What I can really say is f**k them looooooooooool but what I can strongly recommend is that you shouldn't pick a fight them them don't play fire with fire coz you'll get BURNED! So just ignore them and keep it underwraps.Don't tell people you're dating, keep it private and intimate, I know it's hard but try to ignore people and avoid going certain places with a lot of bitchy people. No offence being a teenager myself but I think I'm passing that they're just stupid people looking for any old punch up so don't react coz they will jump on you so avoid going places with a lot of gangs and crap like that. Go to a quiet place or a nice little countryside pub or a evening picnic and just enjoy yourself.Don't worry what people say about you if you are worried you might want to watch this film called "The Rebound" with Catherine Zeta Jones a great movie, kinda a similar situation as you with the age group, kinda funny and cute film.At the end of the day you love this woman so there shouldn't be a shame in stating that and it doesn't matter coz what really matters is that you guys are love in and can have a good laugh together so ignore those people and keep on smiling, even if they make comment just think of the good times with the woman you love and smile :D. Big grin!Hope my advice helps!Good luck!Lots of love,Ima FreAk!x
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (26 August 2011):
 Wow. I'm sorry to hear about the responses you're receiving from people in regards to your relationship with the older woman. Unfortunately some people can be very opinionated, and down right rude. Criticism is something that MANY people in age gap relationships deal with. Another thing (which is really geared more towards the older individual) is dealing with the maturity difference. On your end she may be the parent-like partner(takes care of you, tells you what you should/shouldn't do, etc.) But if you both have decided that you really want to be together,and had talks in regards to kids, sex, and love- and you're both on the same page, then don't worry so much about what other people have to say. There are many couple that have successful age-gap relationships Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher, Nick Cannon/Mariah Carey, etc. So just like any relationship, if you both put in the the time, effort, and love, IT CAN WORK.I wish you the very best! :^)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I personally dont think the age gap is too big. If you think this reationship will end soon-ish I wouldnt worry about it too much. However, if you feel like this chick may be "The One" and cant see yourself living without her, some issues would be, because she is older: A)Her diminishing sex driveb) Kids, assuming you want to have kids with her. c) The ongoing criticism of those around you (which I might add I'd personally find offensiveI think you have an idea of what you feel is right just be sure you have no regrets down the road.
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (26 August 2011):
 This is horrible, groups of youths shouting things at you its just malicious and disgusting. This is in no way your fault and their is nothing wrong with the age gap aslong as you and her are fine with it and love each other it should'nt be a problem.what i have learnt over the years is that people do not like things which are not considered as the average everyday thing to do. As hard as it may be to beleive these people are probably jealous that a women 12 years older than yourself can get her hands on a younger man and they can't.Then again their are people who are just malicious b^^s^^^^s and will try their best to ruin your day.Unfortunely people may mistake her for your mum or aunt or whatever, but as long as their not saying it on purpose to irrate you, then it is somthing you have to get used to and brush it off as many people are far to quick to judge these days.I suggest that you have a very calm approach to the youths as it is what will irrate then the most.Come back at them with witty comments suc^h as if they happen to call you any rude names. The simpley reply "well atleast i'm enjoying the company of someone, who doesnt need to be paid first, unlike some". After a while they will probably give up and just find someone else to shout stuff at. And if not well just brush it off and carry on as this relotionship is between you and her no one else should affect the love both of you have.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): Honey people will tease you due to the age gap and if your girlfriend looks older then you, then you are going to get the spiteful remarks off people but the decision is up to you if you love her with all your heart. Then forget what other people say just carry on and ignore their remarks
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