A
female
age
30-35,
*ruelondoner
writes:well 3 yrs ago i was sexually abused by my sister's boyfriend, i wasnt very close to my dad back then, so he is the only one out of my family who doesnt know, i dont want to worry him if i tell him, but i dont know wearther it will cause arguments? i have a good bond with him now and i hate keeping secrets?what can i do ?? xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, truelondoner +, writes (17 January 2010):
truelondoner is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys u have all gave me good advise.
A
female
reader, meg2989  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Well you should tell him then, especially if you have a good close bond. Keep in mind he will probably be angry, not at you but at the man who hurt you, as any parent would be. He may go through a stage where he is very protective of you, but I don't think it will be overdone. You would be protective too if your child were hurt like that. While this is personal, I really think you need to tell him, he is your father after all, and I know he loves you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Tough to answer . . . .
I take secrets to my grave. That's how I deal with my problems. That's because no one in my family could deal with stuff like that. I've already accepted I am the only person who could solve my problems. If there is any thought that this could cause an argument, then I would try to be safe and keep it to myself. When you say you are close to your dad now, it implies you weren't close before. You should try building a rapport with your dad. It may take years. If you are really desperate to talk about what you have suppressed in years, try a professional therapist, or a psychologist in school. They could easily answer your questions about male aggression and sexual problems.
I have not been sexually abused before, but I am sure many survivors have healed and found happy relationships with healthy sexuality.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 YES!!!!
I've learned that if you have the chance to tell someone how you truly feel, and let it pass you by, that you'll regret it.
You need to be sincere, as long as you are not being hurtful.
Just be gentle, as CaringGuy says.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): If you think your father will support you and not berate you tell him about what happened to you with your sister's boyfriend. Do this only if it will support you in that he will come closer to you emotionally. If you have any doubts then put it off until he is ready to hear of the abuse his daughter suffered when he wasn't there to protect her.
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A
female
reader, truelondoner +, writes (16 January 2010):
truelondoner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 January 2010):
I think if you were abused, and you now get on well, then you can tell him about it and he will listen. Even if you weren't close, I would have hoped that your father would have listened. Tell him gently though, because it will hit him quite hard, and he might feel guilty about it. And if there is another person who knows, such as your sister, then maybe take her along for support.
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