A
female
age
30-35,
*utter
writes:I sent a question recently, but it's been lying around and no answers yet. That's good, my situation has changed since then. I am caught between 4 guys, and don't know what to do... what would all of you do in my situation? I don't know how I get myself into these... this could be really long so bear with me.Guy A I've known for a couple of years, and had a huge huge thing for him. We lived together with a group of our friends and I was infatuated, a feeling I never felt for anyone else. Apparently he liked me, and at times I knew he did, but a lot of the time he'd be hot and cold, and he was an arrogant snob as well. We had a few good times together but he was embarrassed about me you could tell, and I've been trying to get over him for ages. Everytime something happens between us, I start to get my hopes up, only to be let down again when he goes into his cold/snob mood. B and I met 3 years ago, and he is really shy but I can tell he likes me. I've always liked him as a friend, and didn't want it to go any further than that because I just didn't feel anything for him. We started hanging out a lot more lately, and we went to the movies etc. I still don't feel anything for him yet, and I don't want to lead him on.C and I met more recently at a party and talked for ages and ages. I'm definitely developing chemistry for him although I don't know him that well. I'm attracted to him, and want our relationship to go somewhere, but I'm afraid if I get attached it will just be one sided because he'll think I'm getting clingy. He has a lot of girls that are friends and seems to get fairly close to them.... I also don't want to upset B, even though B and I aren't in a relationship.D and I met recently also, and we got talking and I thought he was a nice looking guy and all that. I met D before C, by the way. One of my friends knows him and says he's the biggest sleaze in the world. We were talking yesterday, and I'm really physically attracted to him, and he wants to be FWB, although I've done FWB before and it failed miserably. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, I was never very good at things like that, and I'm a virgin and I don't want it to lead to actual intercourse (Of course I feel the urge to, but losing my virginity is an important thing to me and want it to happen when it's right. Stupidly enough, he said we could meet up once with no strings attached. Strangely enough, that's what the previous FWB said, and it all went horribly wrong...My questions:Why can't I get over A?Why do I worry about hurting B so much? I really don't want him to get upset, and I don't want to lead him on. I can't help thinking that maybe we were meant to be, but I just can't seem to find that spark I have for the other 3.Should I get closer to C, and what should I do about D!Am I just afraid of any commitment due to lots of failed crappy past relationships and FWB?It's so confusing!!
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female
reader, Cutter +, writes (12 October 2010):
Cutter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, CindyCares. C has asked for me to come and join him at yoga tomorrow night, it's new to both of us so might be interesting! Thanks again for your reply, much appreciated.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 It's reasonable. You should be worried, and cautious too. FWB is not your type of thing, you said- and you are a virgin and, rightly, do not want to throw your first time away with just anybody walking by. Plus, why should you settle for FWB if you have better choices.
Why don't you try to get to know this C better and see if there is any potential for you beyond a skin deep chemistry ?...
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A
female
reader, Cutter +, writes (11 October 2010):
Cutter is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, CindyCares. No of course it's not mandatory, I have just been single for a while and now there are 4 guys and I don't really know what to do. I am excited about C, I just wasn't sure if it was just me being a bit worried about the others.I should listen to my gut instinct I think. Do you think it's reasonable that I should be worried about getting into another FWB? I know that you shouldn't base relationships on past ones, but the past one was awful and I don't want to go through that again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 October 2010):
Let me ask you : Is it really mandatory that you date somebody in this moment ? and it has necessarily to be one of these four ? Also if you don't sound very excited or convinced about any of them, and on turn they don't sound terribly into you ?
What would be the point of choosing if none of them fits the bill ?
Anyway if you really MUST choose, it's easy, the only possible candidate is C
A : you must be kidding ! Do you want to date someone who is embarassed about you ??
B : you only like him as a friend.
D : Sleaze who immediately pegged you as having FWB potential and no more. But- not surpringly - you haven't been that happy as a FWB.
So, that would only leave C.
I still think, anyway, that's neither against the law nor dangerous for your health not having a boyfriend for a little while.
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