A
female
age
36-40,
*hh88
writes:'m in a desperate situation. I suffer from diagnosed depression. Almost a year ago I met the man of my dreams and we are still together. In August I found messages to his female friend I had noticed he had a flirty relationship with on Facebook and he was calling her petnames. He eventually admitted it was wrong of him. She is better looking than me, intelligent etc.Ever since this I have had trust issues. Since the initial anger things calmed down. No rows but I've been bottling up all my anxiety till I couldn't take anymore and last night flipped. I'm a depressant and suffer from anxiety and I can't handle my situation. I sent him a nasty message last night saying it's over and he ignored me all day up untill now. I love him.I try to be better but I just can't stop my thinking pattern and it's destroying me, my health and my relationship. He treats me well all the time and always says he loves me. I just can't accept it. I'm so anxious he wants another woman or will leave me and I am driving him away but I am unwell.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Sort out your health. It might be best to be single for a while and concentrate on getting yourself better. You use your depression a lot as an excuse for your behavior, but it is never okay to end a relationship without meaning it. It is like you want a reaction out off him, instead off talking to him you want him to fell sorry for you, you want him to fight for you. That is simply not fair.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 If you've told him that it's over, then it is. Don't use the nuclear bomb of "it's over" unless you really mean it because once you've used it, there's pretty much no going back. If you do, then he'll know that you don't mean what you say and use childish strategies to get him to respond and the ultimate weapon of "it's over" is lost forever.
If you're anxious them seek treatment for your condition. Treating your boyfriend badly and then regretting it isn't the solution. It's making you a mess and you need to get your act together or not only will you lose him, you'll lose your sanity as well.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Darling you have already told him it's over. What do you want? Will you ever trust him?
I sympathise with your condition. Depression can be totally debilitating, as you already know. You need to go back to your coping strategies.
If the relationship is too much of a strain then put it aside. If you are OK with continuing then don't become an emotional vampire. Don't be a dead weight in the relationship.
You must never take each other for granted. Keep things fresh. Relationships need cultivating like beautiful gardens. Make sure you are playing your part.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 October 2016):
 While I acknowledge your mental health issues, they are not a justification for sending a "nasty message" to someone. Nor does it justify checking up on them. Being in a relationship with someone does not mean they are not allowed to have other friends, even if they flirt with them. Assuming your boyfriend gets back in touch (I think you are the one who should make contact, if you still want to be in the relationship, as you are the one who effectively ended it), why don't you suggest going out for a meal or drinks with this female friend, so you can get to know her? She may not be half as much a threat as you are imagining. If he refuses, then maybe your suspicions are justified (even though your checking up on him is not). Are you receiving any treatment for our depression? You may find Cognitive Behavioural Therapy useful to stop all the damaging thoughts. You cannot control how people behave but you CAN learn to control how you react.
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