A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,I'm quite troubled about my LDR boyfriend's behaviour. I'll try to make this brief:1. I'm currently in China and he's in France. He's 24, just graduated with a MA in IT and unemployed at the moment. I'm in my last year of undergraduate studies and plan to go to Paris next September for my master's(partly because of him, but also that I want to pursue a career in France).2. We have been dating for 2 years and started a LDR since January this year. I've flown to France to see him twice in April(shortly) and June-September. His family know me well and so do his friends.So here's the problem: 1. He plays video games A LOT(about 5-6h per day), but he seldom texts me. Never calls me. He does send a "how's your day" everyday but nothing substantial.2. We tried to plan him finding a job in China before I finish my studies. He said he couldn't find any, so I looked for some for him and asked him to send his resume to the HR. He gave me an out-dated one and never mentioned whether he updated it or tried to contact the HR.Two more facts:1. He said he's not a text or call person, he could go without texting for a whole week. I ranted about it a long time ago and he texted me almost everyday(1 message or 2), I think he's changed his behaviour a bit for me;2. I asked him if we should break up quite a few times and he said no and that he wanted to stay with me for as long as possible. We had quite some fights few weeks ago but he still insisted on staying together.My question is, is he not that into me? Or is it just that he's tuned that way? Maybe he's not mature enough? Thank you in advance for your time and patience! :)-Margaux
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female
reader, Carolinedesert321  +, writes (3 December 2016):
This relationship is hard work isn't it? Being the only one who seems to care and make an effort is exhausting. Being honest, the fact that you're both so far apart with not much of a history does beg the question ' is it actually a relationship or just a distant acquaintance'?...perhaps if you were together things might be different but he does sound very immature and that's always a bad place to start from. If I were you, I'd concentrate on working towards where you want to be for your future, not yours and his. In your heart you know this isn't working, but you're hoping against hope that it will. Believe me, there are thousands of guys out there who are perfect for you rather than waiting for this one to finish his PlayStation games and text a cursory 'how's things'.....pull back...let him do his stuff and see what he does. If by the time you move to France he hasn't improved of his own volition, then you must give up on this relationship. What's the point in waiting for a child to put his toys down?
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Men do what they want. He sounds like just does enough to get by so that you will still be his GF but not anymore than that. And yes some people do not text/message often. I am one of those person, hence why I will not survive a long distance relationship. Id end up neglecting them and also will be dreaming about men that are more accessible thus I will only date locally. Look, why are you with him? Theres nothing wrong with video games but the fact that he spends more time doing that than calling you is appalling. He already knows your so far away, he should be worried he may lose you and do everything he can to stay in contact. I dont think youre very happy here. Consider downgrading the relationship to only friends and if you do end up in Paris, you can decide if you want more since youll be much closer to him but I say make him a long distance friend and continue to work on school. Maybe date locally for fun. Let men take you out and enjoy the single fun life. Either way your not happy.
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