A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Am I a bad friend?Hi, I'm on my 4th year at uni and I've found myself without real friends or rather no one close to talk to. I stopped talking to my two best friends because they were messed up to me and I keep thinking it is my fault and I'm lonely. I feel fully justified in not talking to them anymore and even my group of casual friends stopped talking to them because I told them what happened... So with friend 1, I met her at a party and we bonded really quick and she was really nice. At the time I was a party goer and a little slutty, making out with strangers every time I went out. She was sort of the same, she occasionally had sex with them though. Anyway fast forward and we have been good friends for a year and a half now, I bring her around my group of friends because she doesn't really have any and they like her because she's pretty and nice. Next thing I know she is getting close with my friends boyfriend and they make out and it's a big deal and I tell my other friend that they made out because I don't lie about that kinda stuff. After that she is like excommunicated and they stop talking to her but I still do because she was my good friend, not theirs. One day I make a status about friend 2 because she is a super slut and my boyfriend told me she was calling me 'what's her name' when she wanted him to go to a party with her. So my status was about being a nice ho and staying away from peoples boyfriends (btw, I get a bf after I became friends with them and I stopped going to a lot of parties and being slutty) and friend 1 thinks it's about her and telling me that my friends boyfriend said I called her a slut. I told her she was and then she gets mad at me and says I have no right because I once cheated on my bf (I told him immediately afterwards and apologize constantly for it, i also did not have sex but made out). I tell her she is still wrong but she doesn't want to listen so we stop being friends. (BTW, she sucked my ex off at a party and I forgave her for it before all this so I also brought that up) Then friend 2 is even more sad to me because since freshman year we have been good friends. She basically has no boundaries when it comes to relationships, her ex is crazy and constantly lied to her and her to him... but I thought she had some when it came to me and my bf since we would always invite her to hangout since she was always texting me about doing something and I felt bad. It turns out that she was crushing on my bf I guess and after I forgave her for the 'what's her name' comment she comes on to him again. He tells me that while we were in the club and he went to go get me a drink she touched him and simply said 'she'll never know' he calmly denied her and told me a day later since he thought I would forgive her again but I started to ignore her. She ends up asking me about it and I tell her what she did and then she starts denying it and basically yelling at me calling me retarded and delusional. This further proved her guilt. So I end up not talking to her and my friend group excommunicates her too because they value me more I guess.Anyway, what I'm trying to understand is where I went wrong? I always thought I was a nice and honest person and I don't understand why the people I really liked turn out to be awful.. Does that say something about me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 What they done was wrong yes, but I would not say you are innocent in all this. You should very judgmental of people. You cheated on your Bf, does not matter if you said sorry or not you are still a cheat, You put up silly immature statuses on social media to get attention, again its a very bitchy thing to do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): Being at uni is surreal and very much unlike the real world!Things can happen really fast. One minute you are all buddies and then someone or two or three or more people get drunk and the party starts swinging and next thing you know is that someone has disappeared off to make out with someone else and next thing you know they made out or went out or started a relation ship and are the next item or they woke up and broke up etc.Being in your fourth year its time you put a wise head on your young shoulders and stopped caring about your friends because when uni is over you will all drift away anyway to different careers and destinations.You may have good friends for a while and you may find you are so absorbed in your new life that you have little time left for wild socialising.Time to think of you.Figure out your career move and apply, apply, apply.Book a year off looking after turtles if you must but whatever you do, dont be too surprised to see the friendship group evaporate.What you do after uni is way more important than who offends who by having a drunken moment.Book to see your student counsellor and start discussing why you feel a bit lost right now and grab every bit of help you can get because the uni bubble inevitably bursts when everyone disappears off to other lives.Some get financial support from their families and others get zilch, some have jobs , some travel. But you will all inevitably part so get some good advice from counselling, make plans and stop picking on yourself for stuff that is beyond your control!
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I think where you went wrong is using this forum to bitch about all this. I think you should take no pride in this. It's petty.
Learn that not everyone you meet will like you. Not everyone will tell you the truth. Some people will deceive you. You just chalk it up to experience
Yet there will be those who will stay your true friend indefinitely. Those are the keepers.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I am of a different generation so, possibly for that reason, your post has just left me stunned and asking "what the hell????" For what it's worth, you sound very "black and white". There appear to be no grey areas in your life. Someone is either a nice girl or a slut (even yourself). The way you refer to others sounds very judgemental. Nobody likes to have people looking down on them, even if, in your opinion, it is justified.Also, you are at an age where you are growing up and (hopefully) maturing. As you do so, you will look for different qualities in friends and in relationships. The friends who suit you today may not suit you tomorrow. I assume you have heard the saying: "to have a friend you need to be a friend"? Perhaps that is something to remember going forward?
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