A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone heres my problem . i started at a different college for the second time . quite quicky i was put on the rugby team . for many years i had / still am unsure about who i am - seeing as so many people have played cruel mind games on me . i think i am bisexual . so heres my problem i went on a social networking site , made friends with this guy who goes to the same college as me .... and like he sent me nice messages but then there where the dark ones saying about how he wants to harm himself i done as best i could to support him but all the time he was pressurisng me into being his bf .... he didnt even see me then when he did i didnt want to see him as i dont want any trouble around college well cut alomng story short he turned weird on me and like i didnt want anything to do with him after he called me names and also he says one thing and does the other and also he cant understand that i dont want my private life to be like 'public knowledge and so i didnt want it - like problems then i joinedd the rugby team and some immature people have been saying about me being gay - like i have heard little wispers about me and it really has upset me and im worried that the guy i met online will soon tell all and i loose everything i built - what do i do ?
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (27 October 2010):
This guy you met sounds like he might be bipolar or worse. He probably needs professional help, especially if he's talking about hurting himself.
In any case it sounds like you've pretty much cut him out of your life as best you can. You just have to deal with the rumormongers. As everyone else has said... it's best to confront those you hear whispering about you. Just say something to them like "Look... if you wanna know something about be... just ASK! Don't go around talking about stuff that you have no clue about!"
Remember: Those who matter don't care... and those who care... don't matter!
A
male
reader, netime +, writes (27 October 2010):
all through uni and college i was in the closet, now i am out i can't believe i ever cared. The fact is people don't really care, and if they do they aren't worth caring about! Just take the piss back, if people ask you be honest and say your bi. that way you can just act like its no big deal.
when you have a problem with it thats when people pick on you, but if you shrug it off and don't care people will not be bothered.
btw this lad is a complete dick - ignore him, if you rise to it then things will only get messier!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (23 October 2010):
 tell him to tell anyone that he wants and if he tells people things say that you dont have any interest in him sexually and that is why he is spreading rumours (which in essence means he is humiliating himself in public via a sustained failed chat-up). you need tough skin to stay in the closet. if you come out its much easier to gain peoples respect, and then if you are comfortable in yourself you dont need to "act gay" and be full of "pride". i'm gay and i'm not pround, i'm comfortable and happy that my sexuality shouldn't be an issue all the time, but when people take the piss i laugh it off and rip them right back. being defensive is a sign of weakness, laughing stuff off and giving as good as you get works far better.
most people are interested in themselves, not you and gossip is a passing phase if you chose to end it with honesty...
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A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Speaking as a bisexual myself, I think it may be best to come out. I don't know the whole story here and there may be other factors but from what I know open-ness seems like the best option.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Hey,
I think before you decide to come out as Bisexual or gay you should always beware of who you tell and consider the environment that you are in. Being in college is not always a safe or healthy place to come out. This another guy in college that is making advances on you and wants that you come out of the closet with him, I would likely say that he's making a mean joke of it and whats to humiliate you infront of his buddies, although I'm not sure. Unfortunitly bullying and playing dirty jokes on others is a wide spread issue in colleges. You should take that into consideration of the choices you make.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (23 October 2010):
If you think you're bi come out as bi - then he loses any power of disclosure he might otherwise have.
Anyway didn't I read somewhere that British rugby players have come out as full-on gay ?
It's all starting to get out anyway so really I think you have least to lose by being bold and upfront about your sexuality . That way you have a bit of control and will gain respect. [ And maybe some offers ! ]
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