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female
,
anonymous
writes: i am 40 and have been in a loving relationship for 8 yrs. we have a 5yr old girl and i am due today with our second child. my partner has told me over the last month that he feels he has lost any sexual desire for me and that we have become more like pals (not in my mind)his only solution to this seems to be to leave me after the baby is born. he won't consider any form of counselling and says he loves me very much but has to be honest. i am heartbroken and don't know how to persuade him to give us a chance. he says there isn't anyone else involved. how do i get him to reconsider and not see leaving as the only option? he doesn't seem to realise that desire comes and goes in a long term relationship and needs to be worked at
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 I wish you well for Tuesday and at least him staying right now is giving you support for your little girl and you which is important whatever happens in the future.
Like I have said before, just think about right now and then after the baby is born address the rest of it as you need to keep all your strength for Tuesday if little one doesn't make an appearance beforehand.
Get plenty of rest and try and stay cool in this heat and let your husband do some running around for you, if he is going to depart use him while he is around, not in a horrible way but in a practical sense, let him do more for your daughter rather than you doing your normal routine.
Certainly get plenty of sleep as much as possible and don't worry about housework or any other chores that can wait believe me. Keep your legs eleviated as well as horrible swelling is just so uncomfortable in the last stages of pregnancy.
He is behaving weird but just ignore that right now as it is you and the baby to stay calm and collected.
Let us know how everything goes when you get a minute to yourself eh!
Lots of love.
BFN
Country Woman
x
A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (17 June 2006):
 Hi anon
got to say i agree with the other aunts but you could try saying if you cannot tell then can you write a letter as some guys are just spineless and cannot say things cause they know you won't like it! hope all goes well for you remeber you are going to have a beautiful baby a new brother/sister for your little girl and you will cope with or without your husband.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your comments. he is like his normal loving self really which is too weird. he is totally in love with our daughter and just the same as he always is with her. he says he's very excited about the baby and will always love and support me. he says he doesn't want to feel what he's feeling about me but he can't help it. i have asked him time and time again if there is anyone else and he says no. it's all very confusing and you are all right i need to concentrate on the baby which will be born by c section on tues if nothing has happened before then. let's hope he will reconsider.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (17 June 2006):
I am flabbergasted by your partners comments.
How has your relationship changed since you became pregnant?
Is he spending more time away from the home or distancing himself from your child and you?
Not every man is attracted to a pregnant woman I must admit as the sexual desire starts to wane for any woman or man - especially in the latter stages of pregnancy as you feel uncomfortable and just normal movements feel like you need a crane.
I have to agree with a lot of what Wendyg has said, there is certainly more than meets the eye over this, why is he hanging around and how can he say how he is going to feel after your second child is born, we all have massive feelings of love and wanting to be close to our child and partner after we have a new baby in our lives so to say all this about not finding you attractive may have a small element of truth and that could be because the sex is not there right now but it does seem to be a very selfish attitude and to say this to you right now is not just mean but extremely cruel as you need to stay calm and collected right now and this amount of stress is not only bad for you but also for your unborn child. He helped to make this baby - has he forgotten that little fact!
Does he spend much time with your daughter and play with her or interact with her at all?
When all said and done, he could be extremely frightened and feeling quite trapped right now and was these comments said in a moment of an argument or just blurted out.
We all tend to react quite badly due to heightened emotions during pregnancy so I think just concentrate on you and your baby right now and deal with the rest of it afterwards.
If he is that spineless to walk out on you after your baby is born then he is not worth having in your life.
Don't make any rash decisions right now as you need to conserve all your strength for the next few days/weeks ahead so try not to get yourself worked up about this as men sometimes say a load of old balloney but something is certainly either worrying him that he can't talk to you about and for the sake of your children he should at least give something like Relate at least one session to clear the air but don't do it before the birth just get him to see that it is fair to you and your children to at least explain what is going on in his head right now.
Things could all be blown over shortly and so just relax and get plenty of rest right now and make sure you do things for you at the moment. You don't need this added stress at the moment so keep yourself chilled and don't keep thinking about tomorrow until it comes just concentrate on the here and now.
Best of luck and we are all here for you OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): I think there is either one of two things going on. Either he feels he cant cope with more responsibility, or is having an affair but doesnt have the heart to tell you. I have to say, he is very insensitive to say this at such a time. He is as responsible for making this baby as you are.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (17 June 2006):
 Reading between the lines, i think he is having an affair. Hes not going to admit it afterall is he. Why else wouldnt he want to try again, go to counselling, try harder. How can he say he loves you but isnt attracted to you and is going to leave you after your baby is born ? Is this man wacko or what ? Perhaps he simply cant cope with an expanding family and its made him feel a little daunted. I cant believe that hes going to wait for you to have the baby and then walk out ? When you need someone most they are threatening to walk out!! Gosh I cant believe it! There has so got to be someone else, thats clouded his judgement, why else would it be when the child is born hes gonna bolt ? Personally i would have told him to get out now, if hes not prepared to meet you half way then why hang around until after!! does he not know that this will have an affect on your bond with your baby, does he not care about his unborn child ? Okay lets say hes got cold feet and hes using not being attracted as an excuse... maybe hes got a problem that hes actually ashamed off and wants to put the blame in your quarter, as its easier on him. Has he got a problem with gambling ? as he got a debt problem, something like that, that hes not telling you. In a circumstance like this he is definately hiding something. I think you are going to have to talk to him and ask him exactly why he doesnt think its going to work? He cant just say i dont fancy you im off! There is alot more to this. Explain to him that you know in the end its his decision but you would at least like the truth from him. Get him to tell you exactly what this is all about, tell him that no matter what he feels he has done you can try and cope together. Ask him if he still insists hes not attracted to you, how you can help him change this ? I think its more his feeling of selfworth more then anything here. Hes got to be honest with you ... tell him that you dont care what it is but he has to tell you, using your not attractive is no excuse, especially at a time like this, be firm but tell him your open to listening, and are very prepared to help him through this. Ask him how things can, change, tell him that you want to get back what you had and that counselling will indeed help this, try and make him see that he is making a big mistake if he goes through with this, point out all the good things you two have and if he really does love you he will see them too and will understand. I hope he does make the effort, but I do think there is more than meets the eye with him here. Do talk to him some more and try and get him to come round and get him to see from your point of view.
I wish you all the best of luck, and if you need to chat some more I am here.
Take care x
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