A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a young wife, just 22 and am married to my husband, 29 for over a year and a half. My husband and I have a good marriage except for one little detail: we only have sex just once a month if that. I am a nympho and my husband knew that when we first got together. Now i'd be happy to get sex just once a week that would make me happy. I've brought up the subject about us not having enough sex. I even ask him if there's something wrong with me and he tells me no. When two people join in a marriage sex is one of the duties a man is suppose to fulfill for his wife. I've thought about divorce but I don't think I could do it. I just wish there was someone out there who could relate to me. And no, he doesn't look at porn and he doesn't cheat.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): im 28 and married for almost 3 years and for some unknown reason i dont wont to have sex maybe 2 times a week and hate to as he says (sucks his dick) but everything else in are marrage is great and i love him so much and dont know whats wrong with me i wish someone could tell me how to change
A
female
reader, littlered +, writes (31 March 2009):
we a just got married on 02-14-09 im 21 and he is 38. i had the same problem for about a year befor we got married. until we got into a big argument about the lack of sex and affection. thats when he finaly told me that he was verry attracted to me but he was scared of hurting me sexualy sometimes he can be a little to rough becouse he gets overly exited and trys to please me but ends up hurting me.i've learned to focus on my pleasure and not worry about him.we also are spending more time appart seeing as we lost our app right befor the wedding (he got laid off). but i think spending less time with him has helped our sex life and we have both have learned to communicate better with each other.
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A
female
reader, Danni81 +, writes (8 January 2009):
My husband is the same way! I "get lucky" maybe once every month to once every OTHER month. in fact, I can not remember the last time we had sex. the sex is... good, and we enjoyed it and really got into it back when we used to have it alot (2-3 times a month!). now we don't have sex often and when we do it is kind of awkward and short (not because of him or what he is doing, but mostly because of me, I've just come to resent him for the lack of lays and so when we do "do it" I guess I can't let go of the resentment I feel towards him and so I don't enjoy it. also, he gets too excited (because its been so long and so he doesn't last very long) which just adds to my frustration, resentment, and anger. I still have thoughts of "am I not pretty enough? am I not sexy enough? is he gay? is he lazy?" well, actually he is pretty lazy. he really doesn't care about much of our life together I mean he loves me, and adores me, and will do anything to make me happy, but we don't really share anything in common, he likes to play video games, and he is into hard rock and 80s music (he is 9 years older than me) and he loves his job and is working very hard to climb the ladder at the company that he works at, but I am always the one intiating EVERYTHING fun, camping trips, romantic dinners, traveling, house remodeling, sex... It's like his little world consists only of his job, me as his wife/friend, his belongings, and his video games! I know that he is not cheating on me because we car pool together and work the same hours, and when we are not at work we do things with each other (grocery store, out to eat, etc.) he used to watch porn, now i watch it more than him!!, and I actually encourage him to masturbate because we want to have children some day and its not good for his sperm count to go without for a long period of time. IDK it's just really annoying when you have to beg your man for sex and then get turned down so often, or don't get it often enough that it is kinda weird and awkward when you DO get it!! and yes, I have thought about divorce, but I know I couldn't leave him over something so superfical as a lack of sex.......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): Wow, Im glad to know Im not the only one! My husband,32 and I, 24, used to have sex more than once a day and now he doesnt even notice me but maybe once a month. The really really hurtful thing is he will masturbate to porn or by himself with a "fleshlight" a cup like vagaygay. I am truly a good looking woman and it hurts that every other man wants to get a piece of this except my own love my husband! I feel so ugly and useless... They dont realize how bad they make us feel. There is nothing wrong with a healthy twice a week sex life for gods sake! The other bad thing is that he is away sometimes for weeks at a time and goes to strip clubs and lies to me about it. Maybe someone can help me??? I try to turn him on and he yawns every time like im lame and stupid!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Violet, I had to write after I read your post. I've been with my husband for 8 years, married 4. From the beginning, I wanted sex more often than he did, and it has always been somewhat of a struggle for us, although fairly early on in the relationship, because I love him so much, I sort-of got used to once a week rather than almost every day, for example, which I had been used to. Like you said, when we do, we're both very into it, so I didn't understand why he didn't want to work to get into the mood sometimes (can be the best part) if he knows it's going to turn out well, etc. He has agreed with that, just still hard to put into action sometimes. I've thought everything you could imagine about why we have this "problem" over the years - he's lazy, he's gay, he's selfish, I'm fat, he's cheating, he's bored, I'm boring. But ultimately, I know he wishes it were better, too, he loves me and is attracted to me, and it's probably just always going to be a bit of a struggle because of the different in what we're naturally inclined to want. Although it isn't as often as I want, I wasn't always having to initiate it early on, because it seems like it more late, but he's still always very affectiate otherwise. During the time we were just dating, I did wonder from time to time whether I could marry him (because we were already talking about marriage early on) knowing it would never be more often, or even just with the knowledge that I'd had better sexual chemistry with ex boyfriends, etc. He told me that he'd never been really interested in having a lot of sex. He had sex with his only college girlfriend just twice in a year because of a traumatic experience she had with a past boyfriend, so he'd kind-of gotten "used" to that, but he did have several other sexual partners who he was with just once or twice, or maybe a handful of times. Anyway, I'm sorry to say it has gotten harder since we've married, especially in the past two years. I do think some things others point to have contributed to his less-than-ever interest in sex in our case: his job struggles and resulting depression, weight gain (me about 10 lbs, him about 30+), smoking and drinking, etc. But regardless, it sucks. The reason it sucks is because I can still say his is the love of my life, I am very happy with him otherwise, and I don't want to be with anyone else. We communicate very well about everything else, and better about sex now than before. We still love being together and always have fun, make each other laugh, etc. We also both really want to have a baby, and we both have fertility issues as it is, so add to that sex that has fallen to once a month at best, and it's very sad and frustrating at times. I have a sister and friends who I know have sex much more often, even after being married or together as long, one or both are overweight, stressed, etc. but I also wouldn't want their relationships otherwise, because I know they aren't as happy with or close to their husbands, etc. But I'm still jealous about their physical relationships at times. You can't help but feel rejected and unattractive. I think it's especially hard for women to be on the other end, because of all of the appearance-related pressure put upon us from an early age. I don't think sex is the most important thing, and I wouldn't trade my current relationship for others I've had where the physical attraction was there, but it didn't last for some other reason that was obviously enough for me to walk away (even if I thought I was in love). It's still hard to talk about it with my husband now, but better than before, partially, I think, because he knows I'm past thinking it's all about something being wrong with me. It's still difficult because most of the time I don't want to talk or think about what a problem it is until "it" happens again - where I make the move and things start, or maybe they don't, or maybe he loses interest, and then I'm just so hurt and depressed, and even angry sometimes. I think getting on-line tonight and reading all of these different posts has helped me in a few ways: 1) I now know it's much more common for the man to be less interested in sex than I once thought, 2) it makes me sad to read how many women just hate their partners or play games, etc. rather than try to work on this issue together, and 3) I want to talk about and work on it even more now, rather than let it build up and be some big cryfest every couple of months. I know I'm lucky to be with a great, loving, affectionate (this is what got me - that you said your boyfriend is very loving and affectionate, too, but it doesn't always or often result in sex) man, so I think it's worth continuing to work on it. Since you're dating and not married, yet, I guess one thing I would say is to be realistic about the fact that it probably won't get better "on its own," even if you get closer in other ways, so it'll probalby always be something you have to work on, and never exactly what you want it to be. That's a big thing to accept. I think I would really encourage you to do everything you can now to try to "fix" what you can if you think it's worth it before you marry him (if you're thinking about doing so) - or even just stay with him longer. I don't have some grand advice, just sharing my experience because a lot of what you wrote really rang a bell with me. I would encourage you to keep working on it and not give everything else up "for sex" if this guy is as great as he sounds, but to be honest about what you can and cannot live with before you really get tied down, like you said. Ultimately, only you know what you can live with. I was sort-of inspired by one other post where a girl said she just concentrates on finding ways to be and feel sexier herself, because then she isn't relying on her partner for that, and in the end, it seems to make him more interested, too. Good luck to you - hope it works out!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): I'm in the same shoes as you guys.I love to have sex I am lucky if I get it once a week.He like to watch porn and i'm not in to that.I't seem as if i'm not able to turn im on anymore.I have tryed everything I could think of,We don't even hug or kiss,well we kiss but it's just a litte peck.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 You need to create a calendar with shorter months. Just kidding...talk to him and negotiate. Sex drives differ and it can be frustrating.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Same answer to your other posts: He is typically clueless, and the only way he could improve as a man who knows how to please a woman is if he realizes that he is only average - and only if he wants to improve on sexual male performance, knowledge and understanding. This is not taught in high school or in college.
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A
female
reader, violet835  +, writes (12 November 2008):
Ugh I know exactly how you feel. I'm 22 also, and living with my 28 year old boyfriend, and to be honest, I don't think there has ever been a time when I think I would have said no to sex. We've been together over a year and had our ups and downs, but the only real issue I have is that we're lucky if we have sex once a week. The thing is, in my last relationship, we did whenever we could, like several times a day in cases. But now I've decided I'd be happy with 2-3 times a week, I guess the same way you've now decided you'd be happy with it once a week. I thought I'd loved people before him, but now I know he's the first person I've ever really loved, and I feel so horrible, because I don't know if I could give up sex for everything else. It's not just sex to me, it's when I feel the most loved, and what I want to do with him to show him how much I love him. The thing is I'm scared if we do it this often when we've only been together a year, well, what will it be like in like 5 years or something. When we do, he seems to be really into it, so I just don't understand why he doesn't want it more often. I too have tried talking to him about it, and at first he told me it was because he was still upset about recent fights we'd had, then that he was just always tired and had to get up too early. I don't understand it. The weird part is he's obsessed with hugging me and massaging me and we will sometimes do that for over an hour in bed, just lie there cuddling and rubbing each other and then just go to sleep. He always tells me he loves me, he always wants to kiss me and hug me. And yeah like I said, when we do have sex he seems to really love it as much as I do. But I feel like if I didn't go to the effort I do on a weekend morning (which is the only time we do) he would never ask for it, like he would just go without sex. And I'm not trying to talk myself up, but I'm not ugly or fat or anything so I don't think it's that I've let myself go or anything. I'm sorry this probably isn't helping you much, but just so you know you're not alone. One other weird thing, before we actually officially started going out, we used to talk over the phone while we kinda did stuff to ourselves. I only mention this because he was like, the most interested guy I'd ever met in like talking about sex, but when we got together, he just lost all interest :( I've tried playing hard to get, but a month later he still hasn't noticed and I eventually give in and go back to trying to start something. I don't know what to do, I only know that I can't stand the thought that this will be my sex life, for the rest of my life, but I feel so horrible that I would leave the first and only guy I've ever truly loved, just because of the sex... Does anyone have any other experiences in this area, or any idea what's going on with these men?
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