A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have been dating this man for 8 months now , He first told me when we met that he dated other women and even got engaged but broke up because of money issues he said he just leaves when any women makes any money demands he said he always tells them i dont have money now then they start asking questions about the wedding and other stuff then he leaves. He even left a lady just because she told him to change her bathroom for her. He actually works in retail and has a shop.One day we were talking he asked me if i save money, i told him yes then i asked him he said No he only has assets NO CASH so i asked so how do you leave like that he said well medical treatment is free so dont need money for that, then i asked ok so how will you make a wedding he said dont try to find out if i have money i dont talk about my finances with anyone. Iam a good man without moneySO PLEASE HELP I DONT UNDERSTAND THIS MAN ..
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broke up, engaged, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 He sounds like he is trying to weed out the gold diggers, but he's going about it all wrong.
Instead of trying to scare off women who only want him for his money, he is also scaring off good women who don't care if he is rich, but would like a husband who is at least financially stable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to know the financial status of someone you are in a serious relationship with. I would sign a prenup with a millionaire in a heartbeat, because at least during the marriage I would know we were financially stable and that he would be pulling his own weight.
He needs to loosen up. You aren't asking for him to buy you cars and jewelry, you and these other woman are jsut protecting yourselves by making sure that he is not a financial burden.
If he can't understand the difference between asking for money and asking about money, then I wouldn't spend much more time with him. He is so concerned about women taking his money, that he has become as obsessed as he claims them to be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): What's not to understand? This man has told you plainly that he doesn't have money beyond what he has for his basic living expenses.And why, oh why, did you ask him how he would pay for a wedding when he (presumably) already warned you what happened when other women asked about wedding expenses??Besides, its not JUST paying for the wedding but having enough to help support a wife and family IF he decided to get married - which doesn't seem to be in the cards anyway.He's right: his finances are his own business - just as your finances are YOUR private business. Don't expect to ask him for a loan, and don't offer him one! Also, while this is probably unlikely, you'd do well to take very good care not to get pregnant by him! Because its pretty obvious that you'd get no financial support.........so take heed!
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A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (26 March 2009):
Marriage requires money. Not the wedding (you seem to be emphasizing the wrong aspect here--it's after the wedding that counts). But he cannot possibly provide for the family--and yes, that is his responsibility--if he is not solvent.
Dump him.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 My two cents: I do understand the man. He is afraid women are only interested in his money. Maybe that happened to him in the past. Or, he's very tight. Either way, he's warning you: you won't get any money from him, not even something that is remotely close to the two cents I just gave :-). If you ask, you go.
Two more cents: he's not interested in getting married, either. At least not for the time being.
Hey, that was four cents!
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