A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a crazy situation. One of my friends, a girl my age, has asked me to do something for her. Let me say that I have always been attracted to her, she is quite the beautiful lady, but it could never go further than friendship. She's one of these people who are very set in their ways. She never has a boyfriend because she sets her standards way too high. I'm talking a Ferrari and at least £20 million in the bank etc. She also doesn't believe in marriage. Anyway, you get the idea.Last month she called me saying she needed to talk and didn't have anywhere else to turn. She came round later that night and asked me the last thing I thought would come out of her mouth. She asked me to father her a child! She explained that she wants a child but will never find the right person. She said I'm intelligent, in good health, I have a great physic etc. I told her that surely there must be other avenues to go down, adoption, anonymous donor, that kind of thing. She said that she didn't want to go down either of these routes and the only person she could see as fathering her a child was me. She would not ask for any financial support from me, it would just be like going down the anonymous donor route except she knows the donor.I thought about it for the next two weeks. Eventually, I told her that I would be willing to be a donor in a controlled environment i.e. IVF (which is what I thought she meant). She said that IVF would take a long time to get done and that we could just do it the traditional way. I was a bit surprised she said this, I always thought she meant IVF! After another couple of days, I agreed.So, about a week and a half ago, she came over to my house after she had finished work. I was very nervous about what was about to happen and so was she. We remained mostly clothed while 'doing it', she removed her underwear and I removed my trousers naturally. We weren't in it to see each other naked anyway. Everything happened as is should have done. Just before she left she said the she should come over a couple more times just to make sure. I could understand her point so I agreed. The next time she came over, she stripped down to her bra and the time after that she completely stripped naked. She was also very vocal the last time and seem to be getting a lot out of it. Does this mean she's just milking my help and now using me purely for pleasure or is she simply relaxing in to the situation? I'm know starting to think that I've made a big mistake! Have I been stupid in trying to help her conceive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): Oh god...I honestly wonder if postings like this, are truthful. But anyways, irregardless of that...she appears to be a woman who is not needing anything except a sperm donor, so she can conceive a child. She's plainly a very wealthy woman, who doesn't appear to need anything or anyone in her life, so I just cannot figure out why she wouldn't go the route of invitro, etc with the 'cream of the crop' anonymous donor. This doesn't make sense to me. You could be making a big mistake! Have you even considered what the legal implications will mean down the road for you, should she become pregnant? Are you willing to sign off all parental 'rights' to your child, that could be conceived from this union? Has anyone ever thought about the future emotional well being and potential backlash to this child's life? Have you talked to her about this? Will you have 'rights' and access to this child? How much cash are you prepared to give her, to aid and help with the rearing of this child. It doesn't matter if she's wealthy..you are still on the hook to help out--you could still owe child support in the eyes of the law. So before you start boinking her any further, get to a lawyer and get a contract written out..so this doesn't come back and bite you in the a$$ at any time, down the road. Frankly, you both sound like two rash, unthinking people who aren't clearly thinking things through and are both thinking only what "you' can get out of this. A kid needs mature, unselfish, giving loving parents who adore each other. You two, are not behaving like the type of parents, any child should have.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 March 2009):
Sweetheart, I very much doubt that she is using you for sex... and even if she is then are you really really going to complain?
You are friends, you know it won't mean anything and you are having some form of fun out of it I presume? So what is the problem.
If you are having second thoughts about donating sperm and then letting her raise a child that will never really be yours in any way, then stop.
But if you are happy to give her a baby, but are just being put off by the fact you are apparently quite good in bed, then really, what is your problem?
You are her friend, she is relaxed with you, attracted to you, and trusts you enough to let you father her child.... that's pretty much a reciepe for having a good time during sex.
Think or her pleasure as an unfortunate side effect and buy her one of those fertility monitors so you know what time of the month is best to get is over with.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 March 2009):
 Please, take no offense, but I do believe you have made a big mistake, and, also, that you have not been "very smart" to help her conceive.
The woman you describe has reduced the number of men she could condescend to date to just a few. I don't think the average Joe has twenty million pounds in his bank account, or a Ferrari (I am sure that most of us have twenty million pounds of extra weight, but that's another matter). And then, if I read correctly (and in disbelief, by the way) she doesn't find the right man, although SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE. Aha! She wants the right man, but, by definition, a man with a Ferrary, twenty million pounds (and I don't mean overweight), who won't pester her with a ring and a "marry me" (well, maybe the ring she can stand).
She wants your semen and that's it. Apparently you're good at lovemaking, or she's enjoying herself, or both.
After she gets pregnant (and she's assuming you're a sure shot), she will dump you. Or, she might remember you exist if she needs some child support. Or if she wants you to do her another favor because "only you" can do it.
Have you stopped to think that the baby who is to be born would love to know that his parents loved each other when he was born, instead of knowing that he was just like a pet, because all his mother needed was a stallion, and all his father wanted was a good woman to sleep with?
I would also say that, if you love her, you have settled for little.
But, that's me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): If I were you I'd get the 'no financial support' part in writing and witnessed, just in case.
You could be in for some fun times, especially if perchance you've had a vasectomy! Of course, she could be on the pill and just looking for some no-strings amusement.
If she's genuine, the one I feel sorry for is any future baby. I may be old fashioned but I believe babies should be brought up in a stable two-parent, mother and father loving atmosphere.
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A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (26 March 2009):
She may be trying to ensure pregnancy. Once is enough sometimes, but often is not sufficient.
Lie back and think of England!
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