A
female
age
41-50,
*riollaIllinois
writes:I am so torn. I have been with this guy for 5 years. He has been verbally abusive to me for the past 3. I am only here because I think I might be afraid of starting over. Worse, he has done a number on my self-esteem. He's put me down so much and I am just tired of crying all of the time. Please help me move on. I want to stop calling him and I want to stop answering his calls. I need closure. I want to be happy once more.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Take back control of your life and know that you are the only
one who can create your own happiness.
You do not have to depend on anyone to give you happiness.
Go out with your friends and do those things that you like.
That will make you happy.
A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Very difficult....but why stay with an abusive person??the next thing physical violence...then the "I didnt mean to do that" "I wont do it again" (till the next time)...that goes for both sexes....you have your whole life ahead of you...why ruin it for this person who doesnt obviously care for you...or he wouldnt be abusiveDont be afraid of starting over...you will find your way and eventually be a lot happier...trust me on that one (from experience)Good luck...
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A
male
reader, madflash +, writes (13 April 2008):
 I don't know enough about your situation to give you advice. But that's never stopped me before...If you really want closure but just can't find a way to do it... lie like a rug.Here are some quality suggestions. WARNING: Before the use of any of these horrendous lies the dishonest party should weigh both the pros and cons of the mistruth he or she intends to use. And, as always, any prevarication comes with the very real prospect of social humiliation, backlash from family and friends, and various other recriminations from the duped. (Crying, blubbering, saying you knew it was wrong but claiming you were desperate at the time are some excellent defenses when faced with these circumstances). LIE # 1) Confess that you are really a man, but the jig is up because news of your incredibly successful sex change operation at the tender age of 8 years old is about to be made public on the Oprah Winfrey show, and you hope he can take all the attention and will stand by you through this ordeal. Oh, and ask him if he can call you Gerald from now on... LIE # 2) Ask him to meet you in a public place. Be waiting for him dressed in disguise, wig, dark sunglasses and wearing a kirchief over your wig. At that point pull a newspaper article out of your purse and have him read it. This should be about some murder in the local area that REALLY happened, but has gone unsolved. Tell him you cannot give him details, but that you both are in danger and that it's very likely that you personally will be going away for a very very long time. Also tell him that if he truly loves you, and values his life, he will not try to find you. And, if things do work out, because of circumstances beyond your control, if he does see you to stay a safe distance away. It's all for his safety and because you love him so that you never want anything bad to happen to him. Explain nothing else. Leave him with the article, and flee the public place crying. Change your number and never call him again.LIE # 3) Tell him you are going to a doctor for some woman stuff... And later that night, call him crying and tell him you have something horrible to tell him... After lots of build up and stammering and crying, tell him you tested positive for AIDS and that he needs to be tested as well.I hope these help. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): I agree with the other aunts. You have to let him go & focus on yourself first. I know because I'm going thru the same thing.
I have been with my bf for 5yrs too & we have a daughter together but we are not happy. He's unfaithful & we have different looks on things. No future whatsoever.
It may be one of the hardest things to do, but in the long run I'm sure it'll be worth it. I gave myself the same advice. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (13 April 2008):
 It's scary to start over, but that doensn't mean you should stay in a bad situation. Try to take things one day at a time and keep telling yourself it will get easier, because it really will! It just takes time. And the more you keep taking his calls and calling him, it will only prolong the suffering. Keep yourself busy get in touch with old friends. hang out with family and friends to help you through. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, lyd_foster  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 You realy need to get out of this realationship
What i suggest that you do is take up a good hobby or sport
and realy loose yourself in that
something that you can love
like painting or jogging
Make more time to go out with friends and meet new people
not nessisarly people to date or go out with
new company
this guy will realise what he is missing when he sees you standing proud and enjoying your life
and it can be you who will turn around and say no to him
Good Luck!
=]
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