A
female
age
41-50,
*ngwell
writes:I'm 5 months pregnant and feeling very stressed out. I'm in a relationship with someone I love very much. We have been arguing all week and its starting to really get me down, the main reason we are arguing is this.... Basically on Monday he told me he was invited to his friends birthday party, I don't get on with these friend on his. The wife's hate me and try to set my boyfriend up with other woman! I had a complete breakdown when he told me he was going, he says I'm overreacting and that I should trust him. It's not that I don't trust him its these woman that really get to me. So all week I have been crying and getting stressed out and shouting at him about going and choosing them over me etc. finally got my head round him going and then last light he goes for a pint after work and then doesn't come home ! I can't take this anymore can't he see that I'm hurting all he seems intrested in is getting drunk! I can't even think straight at the moment cause all I do is cry! Can anybody understand??
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female
reader, Ingwell +, writes (6 October 2013):
Ingwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, everyone has been really helpful! To be honest think things are coming to an end he went out last night to that party and still hasn't come home! Iv wasted enough tears and stress on him.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 October 2013):
 I actually work in this field and it's true to say that some men do not respond to pregnancy as a lot of women would like and there isn't much you can do about it.
If you were both big drinkers before the baby, obviously you have had to accept responsibility and change your lifestyle because you are carrying a child...he isn't carrying a child and if he was a big drinker before, it's clear that he does not think the pregnancy is a reason for him to change his partying habits, so, of course this is going to stress you out a lot as you are hormonal and easily upset when pregnant.
As annoying as it is, no amount of nagging or upset on your part is going to make him change. For some men, things change when they hold the baby in their arms and for other men...well they never change (I was married to someone like this, so I know what it feels like)
You are living with parents so I am taking that you have other support around you? Focus on yourself and your health, try to adopt some relaxation methods to help you unwind. Eat well and get plenty of sleep and keep well away from his friends as really you do not need to know what they are doing.
Your boyfriend has to come to his own realisation about how much you and this child mean to him but you have to remember it's not a god given right to have a supportive male and as you chose to have a child with a drinker, you were on dodgy ground to start off with.
Babies do not guarantee a fix to a broken relationship and they cannot change an idiot into prince charming. I know thats rough on you but it is what it is.
Your boyfriend is obviously ignoring your distress...it's not making him rethink, so you have to change tack and just be there for yourself and your baby.
If after the kid is born, he continues to drink and party then it's reasonable grounds to end things with him and go it alone (better than doing it a guy who doesnt give a shit and stresses you out)
You have to accept that the trust issue isnt going to get any better at the moment because he isn't playing ball and your emotions are out of whack anyways, so trying to repair that at this time is not a good.
Stay away from social networking too, where stupid people go to mess with other stupid people :-), because it will only upset you further.
Give things time, maybe he will come around when the baby is here, but your job now is to destress yourself and give that baby the best environment to finish growing, so he/she is fit and well when the birthday comes.
Also see if you have a Surestart midwife where you live who can refer you for counselling and additional support.
Good luck and I hope things take a turn for the better.
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A
female
reader, Ingwell +, writes (6 October 2013):
Ingwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is our first child together, I was pregnant in February but sadly had a miscarriage. Before we both were quite big drinkers.so stressed out and it's hard as we're livin with my parent as renovating a house we just bought! So Things are very complicated. I'm so stressed out and I know it's not good for the baby so that upsets me.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 October 2013):
Can I ask, what was he like before you got pregnant?
Did he still go out drinking and hanging with these friends that you don't like? or was he spending more time with you and not drinking?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013): I have a 4 month old and my boyfriend was also out drinking nearly weekend & im telling you,you seriously need to put your foot down now! Hes wasting money on drink! He has a child coming soon! Youre not a single parent! Tell him to cop on or else! I wish i had done the same with my boyfriend while i was! & now he only sees his child 3-4 times at most during the week! Tell him he needs to properly provide & save for your baby! Good luck! X
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A
male
reader, Cerees  +, writes (5 October 2013):
 I would say you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about his behavior and what you need at this point(you're pregnant). If he is unwilling to talk and or change his ways then perhaps it's time to part ways kid or not.
All that being said he might be under a lot of stress with the baby on the way, is this your first child? Now that doesn't excuse his behavior as obviously women have to carry all the same stress as the man does when a baby is coming, except they also have to carry the baby.
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A
male
reader, Stoney1215  +, writes (5 October 2013):
Aaahhh the old i trust him its the women i dont trust story.
What dont you trust these women to do ? Flirt with him ? Hit on him ? Have sex with your man against his will ? If you trust him then you know he is not going to do anything. What does any women have to do with your trust in him ?
They are his friends. They dont have to be yours too. If a wife tried to set him up with another woman you should have handled that with her.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 October 2013):
 I can understand perfectly. Let me re-state to you what I understand.....
1. You are 5 months pregnant.
2. Your "boyfriend" is an a$$hole... and continues to behave like one, despite all the reasons that he SHOULDN'T act like one (an a$$hole)....
Unfortunately, about the only "choice" you have is to decide to rescue YOUR sanity, and dump this sorry excuse for a "boyfriend"... and reconcile that you're much better off continuing your life WITHOUT him in it.....
Good luck.....
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