A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well I'm 24 and still a virgin and really tired of waiting. So I'm looking into losing my virginity to a prostitute in a few weeks. It's legal where I live and weekly STD testing are mandatory for prostitutes.I've given up on finding a girlfriend or a relationship because I realise that at my age having never gotten a first kiss , or a date or even casual sex that I am really unattractive maybe even repulsive to women, being drug free, 5.6', 71kgs and educated with a degree is a real turn-off to women. I'm well aware women laugh at guys like me behind their backs having experienced that a few times already.I've tried online dating now for close to 6 years and I've given up on that too seeing as if you're looking for a relationship you get no replies from women. After seeing just how much money I've wasted on online dating I've decided to rather stop trying what I know doesn't work and just pay a prostitute for the experience.To the hypocrites and virginity collectors out there that are going to post "don't do it" or "wait for someone special" I'm really not interested in hearing it anymore. The majority of you have no clue how horrible it is to be unwanted, unloved and dying for intimacy. The majority of you can't even do so yourselves so why should I.To the others that say go get a drunk girl at a party or a bar I will remind you that if she is drunk she cannot consent by law and it's called rape so forget that.I've been looking around and the going rate seems to be about $160 and like I said I'm looking at getting it over with in a few weeks with a prostitute that offers GFE. At the moment I'm going through the review sites to find out what people are saying about the different prostitutes from their experiences.Which brings me to my question, what advice can you give me in regards to having sex for the first time with a prostitute?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanonymous (14 July 2011) thanks I'll try to keep that in mind when I go.-----------------------chigirl I am well aware "Women don't care either way if the man is a virgin or not" which is one of the reasons I don't have a problem doing this. I do disagree with you on the cheating matter entirely.You also said "And how it can limit you from being respected by women later on." Well guess what they certainly don't respect me being a virgin either so either way they won't respect me.-----------------------person12345 you should look up "retrospective jealousy" and see just how many guys are having trouble coping with their girlfriends promiscuous sexual past. Also from what I keep seeing here and also in the real world is women cheating far more on their guys then the other way around. Also the woman gets final say on whether she sleeps with a player but decides to sleep with him anyway. And I hate to tell you, but as I am, I would not be able to handle the promiscuous sexual past of a woman. Unless I have a sexual past myself or she has no sexual past which is impossible now days in my opinion for a woman at my age. So that only leaves me with one option. I refuse to have a relationship with a slut unless I am one too and you cannot change my feelings on that matter. Nor do I want a virginity collector who out of pride or pity takes a guys virginity and then dumps him straight after.-----------------------bdiehl2001 they were demanding that I should stay a virgin and trying to invalidate my feelings on the matter to suit themselves. When I had made them clear.You said "wisdom that comes with age." and I am old enough to realise the being special to someone or in a relationship isn't going to occur for me in my lifetime. You're also misunderstanding something I hope going to a prostitute separates sex and emotion for me so that sex will just be sex from that point instead of being combined with emotion. ------------------------Seeing as I've up on finding someone and that woman are hypocrites happy to sleep around even with strippers and find nothing morally wrong doing that, yet they find it morally wrong for a guy to visit a prostitute, I'll just accept that I'll have to get used to visiting prostitutes then because I don't see the double standard changing anytime soon or myself in a relationship anymore.As far as regret goes I regret a lot of things in my life:I regret not having had a girlfriend in highschoolI regret not having had a girlfriend and being unable to attend the prom because of it.I regret not having had a girlfriend in collegeI regret not having had a girlfriend in uniI regret seeing my friends go through multiple girlfriends enjoying themselves while I had to study for good grades.I regret hearing stories of all the *stuff they've gotten up to.I regret seeing my friends getting married while I cannot even get a date.I regret seeing my friends kids growing up, since I always wanted to get married and have kids at a young age but was never good enough to any woman.I regret that I focused on my degree instead of partying and having casual sexI regret that now I'm alone, a freak, miserable and still a complete virgin.I regret that I'm not good enough even now to any woman. Nothing I do is good enough, no matter how hard I tried, or improved myself I'm not still not good enough.So the way I see it I might regret it and I might not. You don't know that especially since none of you were stuck a virgin till my age and none of you have done this and said you regretted it from experience so you cannot really comment on it. But what's a few more regrets going to do in my life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Howdy my man.
Any women that laugh about your situation behind your back are trash. People that behave that way have a shitload more problems than you'll ever have, believe me.
There are many more quality humans out there, so don't give up.
As for sex with your escort. The main advice I can give you is to just RELAX... be confident. Relaxing with confidence keeps your cortisol (stress hormones) in check, while letting your sex hormones get pumped up, and keeps your blood flow going to the penis to stay fully charged up for sex. If you get nervous or tense, just take a few deep breaths and hold them for a few seconds. Exhale slowly.
Relaxation techniques will help you last longer and enjoy the sex more. REmember to breathe DURING sex, too... have fun and LEARN FROM HER!
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reader, bdiehl2001  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 The only thing I can say in regards to the actual question is the same as everyone gives let them know your a virgin and let them teach you to get an excellent release with a woman. Some have mentioned to let them show you how to treat a woman in bed so you know how to pleasure a woman when you finally get one. You accused the others of verbally attacking you and trying to pressure you to do as they demand. I didn't see where anyone was demanding you to do anything they were just trying to give you some advise and wisdom that comes with age. Second you did come to an advice line. A lot of these people can see that eventually you will regret this decision and trying to save you that feeling. Yet they still say if ultimately if that's what you chose enjoy yourself and be safe. It's a shame to hear someone so young giving up. Which sounds like what your doing here ("I did care at one stage about finding someone that I could love but as I already said I've given up on that course") Now I kind of do agree with something you have said here ("if that is seen as negative")which it is. ("then I can only hope it will be remedied by going to a prostitute")It sounds like ("so that I can stop being emtional about it, stop caring and subsequently have the confidence and experience women want") this last part is what your after. Which is what I'm hearing and probably what all the well meaning people are hearing also. I also think what the others are trying to worn you about is GOING TO A PROSTITUTE is not going to make it so you can "stop being emtional about it, stop caring" about it. The only thing it may do is give you more confidence in your ability in bed. Although if your hole issue is just about getting LAID and nothing emotional then yeah a prostitute is a good choice.
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reader, freeme +, writes (13 July 2011):
 You're not seeing the forest for the trees. I'm 40. Like it or not, I've had a bit more time to learn a few things. We are not saying the act of sex with a prostitute won't be fun, or at least I'm not saying that. You might have a far better 1st time experience with a paid 'working girl' than another virgin. But we are using our life experience to warn you that you will probably regret this in the grand scheme of things. You will fight the regret hard, but you will quite likely regret it, one day or sooner. And personally, I think you are going to feel worse about your future prospects after you do this. We are trying to look out for you, because you came to this site. It could happen like this... When you are finally with the woman you love and she looks you in the eye and wants to know about your first time, she may seem tough about it when you tell her you paid a woman, but she is going to go home and cry and post something to a site like this wondering if she should stay with you. You can call her a hypocrite if you like, but it won't change how she feels. Good Luck, dude.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2011):
 I'm not confusing anything. I'm not talking about sex trafficking, that's much much worse. I'm referring to women who entered prostitution because they needed money, the same women who place ads on websites and work in brothels, in legal places, in illegal places, and on the streets. I promise I do know what I'm talking about given how huge a part of my job working with ex-prostituted women, strippers, and women in the porn industry is. The people you are talking about are the same ones I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the extremes of prostitution I'm talking about the norms of prostitution.
Legalization does not change the realities of life for these women. In countries where it is legal women are still raped, beaten, and murdered at extremely high rates. High class escorts are at just as great a danger as those who work on the streets as they accompany men to even more private/secluded places than women in brothels. Out of all the prostituted women I've spoken to every single one of them has been raped numerous times, and not one of them has been able to get the case taken seriously by the police. The law wants to allow johns to buy sex, but does not protect the woman's right to refuse. Despite changes to the law, society does not recognize that prostituted women can be raped.
Most women in prostitution could "choose" to leave, but to them that would be choosing a life of extreme poverty. They are not in there because they just really like sex, they are in it because they need money. The reasons women get into prostitution are complicated and varied, but it certainly isn't because it's fun. The majority of women in prostitution want very much to leave but don't feel they have the financial means to do so. They aren't placing ads to look for fun, they have to do it. Don't let the 1% of prostitutes who wind up on TV and make the job look glamorous trick you into believing that's the reality.
Also women aren't "just allowed" to sleep around while men are judged. From everything I've seen it's the other way around. Have you seen the number of questions on here about jealousy over past lovers and the amount of slut shaming? There are thousands of them and some of the answers range from dump her to things like that "sluts" aren't worth dating.The double standard is most definitely that men are the ones "allowed" to sleep around while women are not. There are many books written on the double standard (how women are sluts, but there is no equivalent word for men, think about it).
I think it's incredibly sad that you feel sex is so meaningless that you want to "get it over with." Do you really have that low of an opinion about sex? It's not just about mashing your genitals together until you orgasm, it's not a purely physical act. That's actually one of the reasons behind violence against prostituted women, that men buy the sex wanting it to be completely emotionally distant and when they feel emotion towards her, they get extremely angry.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 It's not about you staying a virgin for a woman, it's more about a woman finding the act of paying for sex disgusting. Much like we would not advice any young woman to start selling her body for sex, or use sex only as a means to get her way with things.
Sex is in general on this site and by the users here, to my awareness, portrayed as something special to be shared between two people who have an emotional connection with each other. At worst you can have a meaningless one night stand or a lover (FWB). But sex as a transaction with money or favours involved is different, and that is what we are trying to prevent. Even if it is legal in your country, it is illegal in many countries, and looked upon with shame, both for the women who sell their bodies and the men who pay for sex. It is taboo.
This is the issue... not virginity or purity, or how slutty you were in the past. It's the idea of paying for sex that makes it different.
Sex is sex to you, no matter what form or shape, but what people are trying to say is that for the majority, sex is not just sex, it can be a disgusting thing if dirtied by money, and having a womans body used as some merchandise. It's about the moral ground you stand on really. And how it can limit you from being respected by women later on. Much like no one wants to date a cheater. It's not because the cheater had sex, it has nothing to do with the physical act, but everything to do with the circumstances around the act. The cheating itself is negative, not the sex. The prostitution itself is seen as negative, not the sex.
I think that is the point people try to show, and you don't understand this point because you don't stand on the same moral grounds as them. Everyone has different morals and values, and that's ok, as long as what you are doing is legal. Just try to see the answers on here as a taste of what values other people have, and what light you will be seen in afterwards. You'd have to either not tell people, or risk losing some of your friends and potential dates/girlfriends.
ps. Women I know don't care either way if the man is a virgin or not, but if they care about the man they can think it is romantic to be his first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJB. The women I've asked all say virginity means nothing to them and they don't appreciate it, they couldn't care about it either in their words.------------------------------Also why is a woman allowed to sleep around yet I have to miss out on sex in my youth and remain a virgin for her? That sort of double standard BS is one of the reasons I'm getting this over and done with.------------------------------person12345 You're confusing legalized prostitution with sex trafficing rings. Let me explain to you a bit about how an escort works from what I've learned so far. An escort chooses to do the job and can cancel the job even after payment has been made within the bounds of the law.An escort joins a group/forum for escorts usually where they can advertise what they have to offer. They can take down their ad at any time.Forums are generally used for clients of the escorts to give reviews to other people on if things went well. The reviews do not go into great detail of what was done.It's far far different from what you brought up.
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reader, JB.  +, writes (13 July 2011):
Trust me, there are a lot more people in your situation that you think. 24 is still young and you have your whole life ahead of you!
Don't go and sleep with a prostitute just to get it out of the way just wait. There is someone out there for you and I honestly believe if you find the right women for you she would probably appreciate the fact that you have never had any experience and wouldn't laugh at you like you think. If the women is a genuine person who is caring and loving and it would make it feel a lot more special when you do find the right women knowing that she is your only partner.
Sex has all this hype built up to it but unless it is special and meaningful then honestly it means nothing. This is coming from someone who slept with just some random slut at 16 because I was drunk and now I totally regret it. Sex should be because you love and care for a person, not because you want to get it out of the way.
I guarantee you though, there is someone out there for you. So please do not waste your virginity, something so special on someone who means less than nothing to you.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2011):
"To the others that say go get a drunk girl at a party or a bar I will remind you that if she is drunk she cannot consent by law and it's called rape so forget that."I'm glad to see that there are people who know this. The basic rule as to whether it's rape or not, if she needs alcohol to sleep with you, she's too drunk to consent. I'm horrified that people would suggest going after drunk women as it is rape even if she's not staggering around barely conscious.However, I wonder why you can so clearly see that that is rape, but paying someone who wouldn't otherwise have sex with you to do so isn't rape. Many prostituted women I've talked to refer to prostitution as pay per rape. It's basically dangling a necessity in front a desperate woman and saying you'll give it to her if she does blank. Why would you want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you?I'm aware of the prostitution situation in Australia. It is legal, but that simply expanded the opportunity for trafficking, especially of very young women particularly from the Philippines and such. Legalization of prostitution does not help the vast majority of prostituted women, only Sweden and somewhat Norway have managed to actually help prostituted women by decriminalizing the selling of sex, criminalizing the buying of sex and offering financial assistance to prostituted women to get out of prostitution (something 60% of prostituted women immediately asked for). The myths that legalization helps the prostituted women be safe are just that, myths. The "safe" brothels remove things like pillowcases and sheets from the room that could be used as weapons because violence against prostitutes is so extreme. Don't let the legalization trick you into believing that it's good for the women, as the only thing legalization does is protect buyers of sex.Just to give you some facts on prostituted women: 1 in 500 prostituted women are murdered. 68% of prostituted women leave prostitution with PTSD. This is in the range of people who are tortured. To compare, combat veterans suffer from PTSD at a rate of around 48%. The vast majority of prostituted women want to leave prostitution if they had the money. 70-90% of prostituted women enter with a history of sexual abuse.Someone on here angrily said that if women can judge a man for sleeping with a prostituted woman men can judge women for having consensual sex with other men. The reason most women judge men for sleeping with prostituted women isn't because they had sex or because they "hate sluts" but because knowing someone has slept with a prostitute shows us that the guy does not respect women as whole human beings but rather as holes to penetrate and does not think of sex as something two people do together but something men do to women. It is a very separate category from a one night stand or such. Having sex with a prostitute, due to the fact that she clearly does not want to have sex with you, is most certainly in the rape spectrum. It is also because it is extremely sad to hear that a man thought so little of sex and women that he felt it was his right to buy it. You don't even realize you did it, but your comment that you're going to judge women for all the "slutty" stuff she did in college is extremely sexist in that calling women "sluts" for having sex at all creates a culture in which women's sexuality is controlled and shamed and that allows women to be blamed for all assaults. Further don't forget that for every (straight) woman acting "slutty" in college, there is a guy there participating. Yet no one mentions his "sluttism." Interesting isn't it. Sleeping with a prostitute IS different than a one night stand. The one night stand presumably wanted to have sex. The prostituted woman did not. It basically comes down to not respecting women.It's a little appalling how much disdain is being shown for these women on here, calling them dirty and diseased and saying no one should go near them. This is simply an extension of the "slut-shaming" I had mentioned earlier.You should also know that the vast majority of strippers and prostitutes quietly hate johns (the men who pay them) and spend a huge amount of their "break" time talking about how much they hate them. Basically you should only have sex with a prostituted woman if you are OK knowing you're having sex with someone who hates you and doesn't want to have sex with you at all but needs to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): Honestly, do you really want your first experience with a prostitute? Now, that's just something to be proud of insert sarcasm.
I don't care if it's legal and they are tested for STD's...man, these women do this for a living/drug habits, they have sex with multiple men daily, I would never trust them to be clean, just the thought of it...... I would not want to go near them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with the anonymous male reader on (12 July 2011) who wrote:
"If you get to judge me for my sexual past then I get to do the same. Tell me all the slutty stuff you did in college and I'll decide which things I'm gonna hold against you."
I was thinking the same thing if women want to judge me I'll judge them in turn on their sexual past. Of which I'm certain in this day and age they have done far more than me.
I am also aware that like the comment above yours women will argue "Its totally different" when it's really no different from a one night stand if not safer considering that the prostitutes get tested while the random guy they had sex with was untested for STDs.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (12 July 2011):
And my reply to that question was:
"First time advice for sex with a prostitute: let her do the work, you paid her after all, she knows what she's up to. Tell her you're a virgin and let her treat you right, she's no first timer, she'll know how to handle it so you can just enjoy the experience. "
All the rest was a comment on all the rest you also wrote.
As for the comment about the "friend zone" thing... Here's the truth: there is no such zone. People who use it use it merely as an excuse. I am a bit tired of that term, no offense to you, Im just tired to that term in general, it's being over used. It's simply not true, and I don't know why people (or guys, it's always the guys who think this) believe it to be true.
A girl doesn't place someone in a friend zone. If a guy has boyfriend potential he's got boyfriend potential, end of. If he doesn't, he gets placed in the friendship box. But, he was only placed there because he didn't have a shot at it to begin with.
Then, you have the opportunities to move on from not being boyfriend material and becoming boyfriend material. Your status isn't fixated, it can always change. Take it from me, I've had friends who were friends for years suddenly fall in love... although, it might not have been so "suddenly" to them, they always had a good eye to each other. Or, one partner did something that made the other open their eyes.
There's also a question of being off limits. If a guy is off limits (say a friend likes him/dated him before etc), she'll not think of him as boyfriend material. And she'll be "just friends" with him. However if he suddenly becomes available, and he is boyfriend material, a relationship can happen. Them having been friends up until then is only a bonus.
Hope that gave you some valuable insight. There might be several of your female friends who look at you as boyfriend material, but something stands in the way of your availability. This could be you not appearing as interested, you not making the moves, someone else liked you and so they back off, etc. There could be any number of reasons.
Some people are able to be friends with the opposite sex... but so many of us aren't. If we like the opposite sex as a friend there is already an attraction there of some sort, and the line from that attraction and a relationship isn't long. Depends on the friendship. I'm just saying.
Have you ever been in love? Have you ever had more than friendly feelings towards your female friends? What makes you not want them as more?
Not to play a psychologist here, but I think you come off as unavailable and not interested, and that's why you're where you are today.
And yeah, I know, you aren't the least interested in hearing this, but maybe you'll find it useful one day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): That comment ask her what slutty things she did is very childish! If you sleep with a prostitute you know its not the same as a girl with one or two partners. Its totally different. At least admit that to yourself.
And what happens if he doesnt meet a slut to childishly question as u suggest? Since hes a nice guy , he'll more than likely attract a girl who hasnt been with many or prob no one like himself.
So unlike the guy who posted, i suggest if you sleep with a prostitute dont try and justify it by attacking others. Theres nothing wrong with doing it so long as you own it.
Best of luck by the way and enjoy it. You deserve to be happy man so if this makes you then do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Lots of women say "Don't sleep with a prostitute because it will turn off future women in your life."
Here is how you should respond: "If you get to judge me for my sexual past then I get to do the same. Tell me all the slutty stuff you did in college and I'll decide which things I'm gonna hold against you."
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Hi there, i am abit older than u with the same problem as u call it. I agree its hard. I have often thought of wanting to get it over with and also that if i did meet someone special then ya id be so inexperienced he'd think i was a loser. I too am average looking, intelligent that iv been to college and yes am insecure and well feel insufficient at times. I want to be close to someone but im different from you coz im afraid of the aftermath! I just want to say to you that you sound like a really nice guy. I wish i could meet someone like you who was the same as me. Although i respect you want to sleep with a prostitute id urge you not to as there will be no greater turn off for the girl you will end up with. And yes i think you'll find a girlfriend...a wife(hopefully not at same time!hehe). An intelligent guy is by far the best. Plus remember girls date jerks and then look for people with good qualities like you coz theyre the things that make relationships last. Everyone wants a nice guy who will take care of them. Think more about waiting for her because she will satisfy both a physical and emotional need. Thats the biggest reason i havent had sex with one nighters as im afraid of how ill feel the next day. Having no one to hold. Maybe thats coz im girly though but i think i want more.If none of this bothers you then best of luck! From what ive heard you should tell her its your first time, protection, dont drink too much but enough to get the nerves over with. Your first time only happens once so make sure you enjoy it whom ever its with! Then post some advice to the rest of us scared folk! It would be much appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchigirl my question was simple you just chose not to read it.
My question was and still is:
"What advice can you give me in regards to having sex for the first time with a prostitute?"
freeme thanks for the idea about a life coach, but I don't think I'll need it. I'm not going to waste more money or time trying round about methods to get my physical and emotional needs met.
Also it's generally agreed on everywhere that making a friend with a girl puts you into the "FRIENDS ZONE" of no return. I have enough male and female friends and I'm not going to go looking to be some womans friend zone guy.
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reader, freeme +, writes (11 July 2011):
I've never tried this, but I have been to the strip bar in between girlfriends, which isn't completely different.
The one piece of advice I can give you is to expect to completely enjoy the experience 'in the now', but be careful not to regret it and get yourself stuck in a pattern in which you believe your only path to intimacy is through a prostitute. The only reason this can be a problem, is that your self worth may suffer the next day when you come to realize the woman you were with the night before was only intimate because you paid her. This can really have the opposite effect from that which you seek. You may feel worse afterward is what I am saying, mate.
I am going to take some liberties with you, and call it like I see it. It seems that your lack of success has given you a negative image of yourself. You have lost faith in yourself, and you don't believe you can succeed. This is unfortunate because confidence breeds success.
There are life coaches out there that could help you with this. You might find a more rewarding experience by paying one of them to help you find this confidence, and succeed with women. These people really can help.
I am not trying to talk you out of your plan at all. Only you know what is best for you. I am just asking you to consider, that maybe you aren't going to feel as well as you think you will after this episode.
One last piece of advice. Forget about the virgin thing COMPLETELY and set your goal as 1 thing. To find a friend. The rest will work itself out, mate. Good Luck to you.
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reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 July 2011):
 I still think its a shame that you view sex as something "to get over with".
Hope it all works out and meets your needs.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (11 July 2011):
Ok, come on, I didn't in any way verbally attack you. You're being defensive for no reason, besides I did give you the answers to your question. Only, not the answer you wanted to hear. If you only wanted one particular answer, like I said, why blow this case up so much with arguing this or that? Why didn't you just ask plain and simple? Like I said, if you had, I'd have answered plain and simple too.
So don't give me no crap afterwards about being verbally attacked. Nor did I ask you to do "as I demand". I didn't tell you once to not go see a prostitute. Not once did I tell you to not go. In fact, what I said, if you cared to read what I wrote, was to do as YOU want, and not short change yourself, or go for less than what you actually want. Try to read advice you get more carefully and be more grateful.
You didn't come here asking for advice on how to get it on with a prostitute, we're not dumb. Even so, I answered that question too.
Why bother trying to help people when they just bite your head off? Sheez...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Will a make sure you know what you're getting for price first which is sounds like you're already doing. Second it sounds like you want her to stay the night so does she stay overnight because then you get to spoon. three thing I've buy a packet of condoms and jack off a couple times so you know what they feel like and for God sakes don't go cheap on the Condoms!. And make sure she doesn't slip anything inside your drink and most importantly have fun :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo those that provided actual advice for my question so far thanks.
To chigirl & Cerberus_Raphael who feel the need to verbally attack me and pressure me to do as they demand, your answers are fairly useless seeing as it didn't answer my question.
I did care at one stage about finding someone that I could love but as I already said I've given up on that course so please drop it.
Annalisa if I am hugely insecure then it is because I cared at some stage and if that is seen as negative then I can only hope it will be remedied by going to a prostitute so that I can stop being emtional about it, stop caring and subsequently have the confidence and experience women want.
"You sound like a better catch than half the guys any of my friends have ever dated!" & "Why on earth do you think that having a degree is a turn-off?"
My personal experience has shown me otherwise. If this was true I wouldn't be in this situation so see as it is untrue I'm going to a prostitute for my first time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Cerberus - not 100% accurate. Some people do go throughout life without ever experiencing love. I have a friend, a really decent guy, OK looking, shouldn't really have a problem but is now 33 and has been single his whole life. A couple of dates and nothing more. I do find the "you'll find someone, everyone does" logic frankly cliched and unhelpful.
OP - what other people have said is right. This transaction will be just that. Sex. No genuine intimacy in the sense of being with someone you love and who loves you. But then, hey, plenty of people jump into bed with each other on first, second, third dates and they don't love each other, so what's the big deal? if you've really thought about this and think it's for you, do it. You don't need our validation. Just be safe.
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reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 No offence but, its extremely foolish of you to think that nobody knows what you're going through. You think you're one of the rare ones that have never felt what its like to be in love? You are so wrong. Not even close to rare. Everybody feels alone at some point. Everyone will go through it so they can grow.
Everyone below has already told you everything you need to know. You don't have to get a girl drunk and you don't need a prostitute. What exactly do you expect to feel after its over? You think that moment of ecstasy is going to last after you're done? You think you'll feel good about it afterwards? Think deeply about it and remember that in the future, when you've found the girl of your dreams, you're either going to look back and regret losing it to a prostitute or you're going to look back and be proud that you waited. Trust me, a kiss, sex, means nothing without emotion. A prostitute will not give you emotion. They can't. They won't. What will you gain from this except the right to say "I've had sex". But that isn't going to make it any easier to find someone and you can't keep going to prostitutes. I doubt you are that type of guy.
I agree with the others when they tell you that you've been around the wrong people. Nobody I knows will laugh at you, in fact, I know plenty of girls that dream of a guy like you. You think its a girl's dream to have a guy who has done drugs before? Have you ever seen a girl who is happy with a drug addicted boyfriend? It might be fun for the first month even but some day she's going to regret and worry and suffer for it. Why on earth do you think that having a degree is a turn-off? You seem to think women like a man with the brain of an underdeveloped neanderthal which just isn't true...at all.
So what do you want? Love and true intimacy or just an illusion of it that lasts only a short while. Everyone gets tired of waiting and after a while you think you aren't good enough and that nobody would want you but you cannot imagine how wrong you are. If you want love, I can tell you that it is worth waiting for. Sex without love is nothing, empty, a flash of enjoyment and a long lasting regret. Don't you want your first time to have meant something?
I'm starting to just repeat what others have said here so I'll stop now. Its torturous waiting for love and hoping that one day someone will give you their heart as you would give them yours. And I know you instructed everyone not to post "don't do it" or "wait for someone special" because you're tired of hearing it but from what you've written, it doesn't seem like you are. You seem more exhausted about being given this false hope and when everyone tells you to wait and to be patient, it just seems empty and pointless. It isn't though. When you find that special someone, which I know you will, you'll forget you ever felt this way but you'll remember what you said to yourself, you'll remember what you did because of it. Don't do anything you'll regret.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 July 2011):
I don't really understand how losing your virginity to a prostitute has anything to do with never getting a girlfriend or getting a kiss. If you pay for it it doesn't make it "real", with emotions and desire and the whole package. They really don't have anything to do with one another.
You wont really get intimacy either. Not that I've ever been with a prostitute, but I get the idea. It must be even worse than if you had sex with a friend with benefits while still wanting more.
I'm not opposed to you going to a prostitute, and had you only asked for tips and pointers for a first timer I'd gladly given you them. But, the way you argue your case makes me think this isn't what you really want. You don't want to go to a prostitute, and even though you tell us not to advice you to not go... I have a feeling you are the one who doesn't want to go. You would much much rather have met that someone special, right? Someone who cared for you, and who you cared for too, right?
Except, you can't find it. And I get that part. I get your point, your frustration when it comes to that. But again I must emphasize that having a girlfriend where there is emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy is it's own separate thing from that of physical release with a prostitute. If all you want is sex, then sure, go ahead. But the way you argue says the exact opposite: you don't want just sex! You want a girlfriend! You want love and care!
You wont get that from a prostitute, and I think you will only end up hurt. Like you give yourself an illusion that physical intimacy is all you need, and that your need for emotional intimacy, your need to connect with another human, your need for love, will suddenly go away.
For the record, a drunk girl at a party can consent to sex, I don't know where you got that ridiculous idea that she can't. Maybe that's a clue to why you haven't gotten a girlfriend? That you fixate on things that are not true? A girl that is passed out, or incredibly drunk, without the ability to walk straight, probably couldn't consent to sex. But a woman who has had a few to drink is still fully capable of making conversation and have sex. Please explain why you think this way though, as that would be insightful. Are there other such "laws" you believe to be true? Other such limitations you force upon yourself? People have sex while under the influence of alcohol, and it's NOT rape. If it was rape then the men would be rape victims too as they have been drinking as well. In other words all you'd need to do to swing around your (false) idea of the law is to have a beer before you get to work.
It witnesses of your conception of reality, the way you have interpreted this "law". I do worry a bit that your idea of how things work don't quite match the reality of things. Perhaps a lack of horizon, lack of life experience? Just a thought.
First time advice for sex with a prostitute: let her do the work, you paid her after all, she knows what she's up to. Tell her you're a virgin and let her treat you right, she's no first timer, she'll know how to handle it so you can just enjoy the experience.
And try to not be a woman-hater, it doesn't suit anyone. Women are human beings, not to be generalized into a group of unsympathetic creatures who are ungrateful and that ignores you as a whole and should only be used for sex.
Another point to be made: my ex boyfriend was also 24 when he got his first real kiss and first proper relationship, and was a virgin up until then as well. He had foolishly thought no one wanted him while the reality was women were flocking around him. It's all about opening your eyes. I had been trying my best moves on him for years without him ever noticing. I have come to realize a lot of men are just like him. Blind to the clues, blind to the hints, don't know how to flirt, and lack the courage to take a chance.
Don't pay for something fake when you want the real thing. No matter how much you pretend, you know it's fake, and it wont make you happy. It wont make you feel more wanted by women. I worry it will only make you feel like less of a man. Think about your reasons and wants, and what you TRULY want, and go for that and nothing else. Don't settle for less than what you want!
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reader, RedAthena +, writes (10 July 2011):
"""To the hypocrites and virginity collectors out there..."
Virginity Collecting? This is a new hobby? That sure beats collecting stamps.
I think if you feel you do not want to wait for a relationship for this experience at your age...thats sad.
But, if you go ahead with paying a consort, just be responsible and bring your own condoms.
My first husband lost his virginity this way. He was honest about it and I thought it was sad that his first experience was with someone that did not genuinely feel something for him and know him.
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reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (10 July 2011):
You're lucky to live in a country that isn't as backwards as some others- thankfully Australia has legalized prostitution, and with any luck has made it much more socially acceptable- I hope so.
First, go to a nice place, and tell them what you're after. If you want someone younger, older... blond, red head... whatever. Tell them that you're a virgin and let them make this experience all it should be. They are there to please you and only can if you communicate your needs. Please DO NOT SHORT CHANGE YOURSELF!
Also, don't drink too much- one drink, loosen up- relax, get a massage, take a bath... don't rush. Enjoy the process- let her TEACH you how to touch, kiss and lick a woman... and how to fuck one.
Enjoy the process.
Also, I've found that we tend to find women when we are NOT LOOKING... something happens... we give up, relax and then the pop up.
Enjoy the process- and let them help you to their full extent!
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reader, hannah76 +, writes (10 July 2011):
 Hello,
You are set to go through with this so i hope you really enjoy your experience. My only tip for you would be to tell the lady it is your first time. Working ladies are fully experienced with virgin boys so don't feel worried to tell her. She will make sure things go well for you. Just be clean and smart, treat your lady with care and respect and have fun.
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