A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a married man. He loves me back but we have never been physical and he has not cheated on his wife except for being in love with me. He has wanted a divorce with his wife for a long time, even before he met me and before we were just friends. We have a 30 year age difference. My parents don't like him because they think he is a pedefile or a pervert, only because I met him over the internet. But he isnt a monster. I dont care what my parents think because I dont have a good relationship with them and I dont believe they deserve to have a say in this. What do I do at this point? What should we both do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Then sweetheart since you think u have all the answers and u think you know everything, do what you want. By your update you. Have proven just how childish and immature you really are.For a 17 year old you have no qualm being a homewrecker. You are more messed up than you think. So let me put this bluntly: your parents tried to protect: they failed.The Aunts here have given u excellent advice here : you failed to heed thisThe police has also been brought in: you do not even respect their input.So bottom line: you will do what u want to do. And nobody can stop you.To the Mods: perhaps its time to close this. There is no getting through to this kid.LoveGirl{Moderator note: agreed}
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe does not love or sleep with his wife and is getting a divorce. I talked to a private investigator and he does not think the man is a pedifile or pervert. I have read these comments and don't think anything less. I have met the man twice. He is my best friend and he is not leaving my life. I tried looking for some support but found none to see my side...also with my parents, I do not love them or care for them. I never have. And i'm not being rebellious, I just don't have sympathy for the people who have hurt me. I have like no friends and I befriend an older man, and we became so close. Trust me i've gone through all the legal crap, my parents have threatened and tortured me and brought the police into it and made my life hell. Again i've talked to the investigator and he told me, nothing is illegal and I can do what I want and my parents can't do anything but they are trying to control my life as usual.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): When you say you have met, does that mean in person or just online?
If it is an online thing then don't give him your location or meet him. Instead make up a couple of profiles and start chatting to him as someone else. That should help you decide what to do.
If he has met up with you in person then he is cheating on his wife whether sex has taken place or not.
You KNOW he cheats and it is a given if he cheats that he also lies. The two things go together.
He can talk to strangers online about his marriage 'problems' but he wont talk to his wife. So he is a coward who lacks the courage to talk to the one person he really should be talking to.
He has broken his vows to her by telling you he loves you, so his words mean nothing. A person is either honest or not. Real honesty is not selective. So he is a dishonest person, who for now, might or might not be telling you the truth. But you know one thing for sure. He is lying to one of you about his feelings. And i am sorry but as he is with her not you. I think it is you he is lying to about his true feelings.
He spends his evenings cheating by chatting up young girls online before getting into bed with his wife. That's how he met you and he is probably still doing it with others. So all round nice guy, eh!
What it is exactly that you have fallen in love with? Him or the idea of star crossed lovers? It might be exciting to be a rebel and go against your parents wishes. It might be exciting to chat to an older guy that 'wants' you! But the reality is, you have been groomed by an old married guy with no morals.
I think you are worthy of someone far better. Why don't you think so too?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): Op there is nice space at the end of this page reserved for you if you are foolish enough to go ahead with this.
http://www.dangersofinternetdating.com/articles/cybercrime.htm
I know you won't care because you're guy "definitely" is "not" one of those kind of guys.
OP that is the only reason guys his age "befriend" girls your age on the internet. To rape them. But you'll find that out the hard way because you won't listen to your parents and are already trying to find a way of meeting this guy, no one here is going tell you this is a good idea.
You're just going to be another story we read in the news. Good luck OP, you're walking straight into a whole world of hurt.
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A
female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina +, writes (4 June 2011):
 I am sorry to say but your parents are right and he is a pedophile. Even though you haven't gotten physical, it's still illegal to carry on a non-sexual relationship with a minor. Trust me this is not the ideal man for you. For one thing, he's way to old for you. (yes age is nothing but a number but this guy is way to old) Second, you haven't even started your life. Third, you most likely won't be able to have kids. Fourth, if he fell in love with someone else while married then he will do the same to you.
We all know that there is nothing wrong with meeting people on the internet, however, I would never trust someone who meets a MINOR on the internet and claims they love them. Especially if the person is married. It would be different if you were older. What should you do? Leave him! Why on earth would you want to carry on a relationship with a man that no one approves of, has limits of what he can do cause of his age and has a lot of baggage? Keep in the mind that the ex wife will give you nothing but HELL.. In her eyes and everyone else's eyes you will be considered a "home wrecker" regardless if he wanted to leave her before he met you.
Don't waste your beauty and your youth on an older man. It's not worth it. You need to find someone that is available and closer to your age. If you continue to proceed dating this man you will not be happy because many things will go wrong. He will immediately expect you to act like a wife because that is what he is used to. I'm talking cooking and cleaning, the whole works. You will be tied down at such a young age. It's so not worth it!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 I'm a 41 year old man and if I were to have a relationship with a 17 year old (which I won't) I would only be looking for sex. Sorry to break it to you this way, but that is the truth. Run for the hills. This man is not good.
In addition to what others have said, the fact that you're angry with your parents or you don't care what they think or say does not make them wrong. Please leave this man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): I'm 48, and he's a pedophile and pervert...
Really, that's what he is.
A few years ago we had this play out here, a few hundred yards from where I am sitting right now. The girl arranged to meet the older nice guy. He raped her, kept her captive in his apartment, then when he simply couldn't figure out what to do with her he stabbed her to death with a knife and carried her body out at night and dumped it in the woods on the trail that runs by my office. A friend of mine was walking and found her body.
Mentally healthy 47 year old men do not want relationships with 17 year old women, no matter how hot they are.
17 year old women do find older men attractive for a variety of reasons though, and getting them to have a relationship with them boosts the ego of the 17 year old immensely.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2011):
 Seriously, healthy and normal 47 year old men would never dream of chatting up a 17 year old girl on the internet against her parents wishes. He may not seem like a monster to you but you're going to have to trust the grown ups on this one: he's not a good guy.
As for having a good relationship with your parents, well, that's kind of par for the course for many teenagers. That doesn't mean that dating a married 47 year old guy you met on the internet is a good idea. It's a lousy, crummy, awful idea with potentially dangerous consequences.
If you are sticking your fingers in your ears, saying *nehnehnehnehnehnehnehIcan'tHEARyouNEHnehnehneh" then you are illustrating exactly the picture of a headstrong teenager with more passion than sense.
You'll understand when you get a bit more mileage on you; hopefully you won't have been exploited or abused by then. It's not looking good right now, though.
Take care of yourself and let your parents be parents. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 June 2011):
 I know this is going to sound judgmental, but I have to say to you, PLEASE, don't be so silly!
You met him on the internet (HAVE you in fact met him in person?). There's nothing wrong with internet dating, but you DO have to use common sense and be careful.
You, young lady, are not being careful.
You're 17, he's 47. I tell you, no decent man in his right mind would be interested in dating someone so much younger than himself. So far as any man of 47 is concerned, a 17 year old is still basically not far out of her adolescence.
He "loves" you, and wants a divorce from his wife? Yeah, tell us another story.
Like it or not, your parents are doing their job AS all good parents do, and looking out for your best interests and welfare. Of course, they don't like him! They see him for what he is.
I think you HAD better pay attention to them, if you know what's good for you! Someday, you'll thank them (unlikely as it seems right now).
Also take note of what the other aunts and uncles here are telling you. They know the score!
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A
male
reader, Robert W Anderson +, writes (4 June 2011):
 At your age you should be looking for a boy friend you have something in common with. A man this much older then you can relate for long to things that interest you. It's not a problem to seek out someone who's a little older then you; if you need a little extra maturity in a partner that's a good way to find it. But typically women look for men four to ten years older then them. And typically at your age it's on the four year end of the scale; as we get older (like into our late 30's and beyond) that gap can increase. At your age a guy 21 to 23 should be sophisticated and interesting enough.
A guy this close to 50 is quite excited I'm sure to have young firm thing like you interested in him. But remember when you thirty five he be on Medicare. And at 47 he's probably still seems active and some what hip; but shortly he begin slowing down and worrying about breaking his hip.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): "My parents don't like him because they think he is a pedefile or a pervert, only because I met him over the internet. But he isnt a monster. I dont care what my parents think"
With all due respect, you're basically still a child. That statement just shows your lack of maturity. Listen, normal men DO NOT chat up 17 year olds over the internet. This guy IS a pedophile.
"He has wanted a divorce with his wife for a long time, even before he met me and before we were just friends"
All married men say this. He will NEVER leave his wife for you. Ever. What you're doing is very, very wrong and i strongly suggest you take a look at yourself because this guy is a creep. He does not love you. You're a child, ok?
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I m sorry you are 17 and he is 47. Thats it. He's too old for you. There is no actual future in this. And he's married. You never met him. He could be lieing.
I m sorry but you should stay away from this guy.
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Isn't this illegal? Your parents might be able to press charges if something happend that you to become intimate. Be carefull. You don't want to put yourself in danger eather.
But one thing, I dont think he will devorce his wife for you.. I think you should probably move on. Later you will be thankfull.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): I think you need to seriously ask yourself if you trust all he says about himself just because you met him on the Internet?
However there is nothing wrong with meeting someone on the Internet, and people are quick to judge about it when in reality they are probably too snobby to try it and could miss out on something beautiful
There is nothing wrong with age difference in a relationship, as long as you can handle it for a long time and are willing to bury him when you hit 40 after looking after his deteriorating health for 30 years.
It's not necessarily a good idea to take this relationship seriously
He may also be having a mid life crisis
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