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female
age
30-35,
*xcamille123xx
writes:I am 16 and my boyfriend and i have been talking about having a baby for months, we know we are sufficeintly mature enough. He has an evening job which earns a good amount. what i would like to know is.. if you are a hard working person, is it possible to go to college and have a baby, im starting this huge amazing college september and its been my dream for years, i am hard working and i can cope with stress. I will not have to not go to college will i? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gasolina  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 This is just a supremely bad idea. First, education. Then, first job. Then, CONSIDER baby.
College is a lot of work, sure. It's also a time to make lasting friendships, and explore the world, and become the adult you are going to be. Take the time to do it right.
First "college" assignment for you: look at the outcomes for the children of teen parents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): hi i was 17 wen i got pregnant and im now im 20 i thought it was going to be easy wen me and my partner decicded to have one and it isnt ive only jus got myself into collage and my little boy is two now and a terror but even wen i first had him it was really stress full coping with the crying and the lack of sleep and falling out with my partner it got hard but at the end of the day its up to u pair to decide if u are ready and if you can cope with it all.tamsin
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (6 March 2010):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/15-with-a-10-month-old-baby-i.html
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 March 2010):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/struggling-to-cope-.html
Read this question - gives an idea of what could happen.
Tiger
x
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female
reader, BagLady  +, writes (4 March 2010):
No you can't-you are not the exception and you are falling into the trap that a lot of teens do-as a teenager you are almost an adult, but you lack the futuristic gauging mental ability you develop in your 20s. To you it may sound so simple. I get pregnant he works and I go to school..
1)babies require around the clock care...new borns especially you can't do that and go to school. Not even the smartest girls can pull it off and come out clean on the other side. If you are not the one near you child they will bond to someone else. It is also vital for their mental and psychological development.
the biggest pitfalls teen fall into is a psychological tendency to apply simple answers to complex dilemmas. Your current tail is a textbook example of that. You will cheat yourself out of learning and experiencing the things you need in order to function properly and happily as a person and soon an adult.
Mid twenties is when you need to try to have kids. So you can actually offer the best for your kid...not some optimistic in-love teens. You need to think and really think about what you are doing. The only way this will work for you is if you have people supporting you-you will affect others lives in a way that won't be positive.
Don't put the cart before the horse...old saying that means do things in the proper order. You need to be teenagers-then young adults-then adults.
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reader, xxcamille123xx +, writes (4 March 2010):
xxcamille123xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you, all of you!
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female
reader, luckiihottii +, writes (4 March 2010):
 YES!!!!...no matter what you need to go to collage. it will help you. You can have a baby and still go to collage but you will always want to go to collage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): You are not ready to have a baby at 16. You really aren't ready to have a baby until at least your mid-20s (they'll come sooner than you think). There's so much financially, emotionally, physically, and psychologically that goes into having a child and then parenthood. People twice your age (and even more mature) have trouble coping. It's not just about how well you deal with stress, you haven't -known- stress until you've been through childbirth and raising a kid (even without college or a job to worry about). Your boyfriend's attitude towards this worries me too. Why's he in such a hurry to have a kid? Why isn't he concerned about your health, your education, your future goals? He should be the first one trying to get you to wait, unless he's insecure about keeping your around (in which case, red flag). I don't know if your taking this advice seriously or just rolling your eyes but I hope it's the former and not the latter. If you still think you're ready then it's a sure sign that you're not. A mature, responsible young lady would wait. Your baby deserves the absolute best you can give them. Right now, you're still at the beginning stages of becoming an adult yourself. Don't cheat yourself or your child. Wait until you have everything you need to get done finished, THEN consider (and plan ahead for) parenthood.
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (4 March 2010):
Short answer, no, at 16, having a baby and going to college really would not work. It doesnt matter how hard working you are, pregnancy takes its toll on even the most academic and dedicated of people.
You would not be able to put in all the required effort into your studies. If someone who is full time, doing all the required work, with no other responsibilities struggles, how do you think you would cope, with a baby, housework, and other things to think about?
Also, what will you do about money? Even couples with two salarys coming in struggle with money when they have a baby. An evening job would not be enough to support you. Where would you live? If you had your own place, you have bills, water, electricity, gas, TV licence, internet, phone, council tax, food, and probably even more than I can think of at the moment. It all adds up. Do you know how much your parents pay out a month? Do you know how much a monthly food bill costs?
I work at a University, so I see people 18 years and older day in day out. There are a few who get pregnant, and they end up dropping out because they cannot cope with the workload and being pregnant. Even very intelligent women age 26+, doing PhD research usually end up dropping out, or putting their work on hold. They also rarely come back after the baby is born either, as it is too much work, and if they do work it has to be to earn money. So, their life, their studies, get put on hold indefinately. I have seen a number of my friends, my work collegues, marry off and have children, leaving their studies behind them. It is such a shame.
The best thing you can do, is to go to college, get good grades, work really hard. Go to university, get a good degree and a well paid job. If you have qualifications, and a good job, then you will have a good salary coming in, meaning you can buy a house/flat, and will be able to give a child a good life. You will have time, and money to be able to provide the best for them for their entire childhood.
Why not wait a few more years? You are still a child yourself! At 18, you have total control over your whole life. You can vote, drive a car, and do all manner of things, that a 16 year old cannot do. I know at 16, everyone thinks they are grown up - we ALL think that. But in the next 5 years you will grow so much. It takes someone who has been through that to know, and you will look back when you are 21 and realise how little you knew when you were 16. You will be a different person, your outlook on life will have changed completely. Your views of the world will have developed. You will look back and understand how immature you were at 16.
How long have you been with your boyfriend? You are only 16, so it cannot have been that long. If you had a child, remember he will be part of your life for the next 18 years - until your child is legally an adult. Can you honestly say you can see yourself with him for that long?
How do you give your child stability in a relationship? I know you will disagree with me, but most teenage relationships do not last beyond school or college. Your feelings change, and you grow up, and often people want different things, they change and grow apart. If you are still together with your boyfriend when you are BOTH over 21, then I think you will have a good indication as to whether your relationship can last long term. Remember, children are for life - not just a couple of years.
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reader, RomanticsRomantic +, writes (3 March 2010):
 It is possible, and not to sound like a broken record because i'm sure you've heard this a lot but that is a really bad idea. forget how old you are. my sister has a beautiful 2 year old, a job and she's going to college....her husband makes a good wage. she's a daycare teacher, and yet they are still living at the in laws house because they're struggling to make ends meet. a baby is expensive...even if you have help, it's still a large pile of bills. trying to have a baby and go to college bears a ood chance of causing some serious problems...so my answer is don't until you are both financially stable, out of college and aren't hoping on luck. it's possible to do, but that is a very slim possibility that you'll be able to succeed. and this has nothing to do with character or anything.oh and by the by....my sister's job helps her work around her classes because she works at the college, but most hobs are't that flexible. also she is only able to take 2 classes, not even a fulltime student...and my brother in law is not able to go to college because there isn't the time to do that and take care of his daughter, even with his parents and my helpi hope this helps.
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reader, xxcamille123xx +, writes (3 March 2010):
xxcamille123xx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for a lovely answer, i am really going to have to think everything through really carefully, thank you though!x
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reader, Polaroid93 +, writes (3 March 2010):
You can't predict the future and neitheryou and nor any one else can guess whether college will still happen for you. I'm 16 aswell and although I feel mature I did when I was 15 and I did when I was 14 it's just as time passes I get more and more mature, you might think you can't grow up anymore but I bet you will. You don't want to realise that you were too young to try this when you get older. Trust me. Wait. This happened to my friend - she is a year above and did as your planning to, she started going to college had her baby a few months on took time off because she was physicaly and mentaly exausted her bf had a job but had to look after the baby and cut down his hours she fell behind on college work and the baby or college had to be neglected, she thankfuly chose the baby, now she has a child her bf works a crap minimum wage job and she resents her kid because she was talented but she was trying to have it all at once. You've got plenty of your life left, don't rush it if your willing to have a baby with this guy I guess him sticking around isn't a problem wait till the end of college, I don't want to see someone else ruin their youth because they're at that awkward inbetween stage where they think they're really mature.
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