A
male
age
30-35,
*exodus
writes:I've always had really bad luck with love. I have only ever liked two people in my life, and the first was last year. I liked her for about a year without any hope, and nothing happened, except that she got a boyfriend (and subsequently broke up with him because he tried to have sex with her when he was drunk and she was fourteen at the time), and I tried everything. I finally got over her this summer, but then I fell for someone else! I swore I wouldn't tell anyone, except my (ex-)best friend, whom I found out let it out! I was furious, but also sorta hoping that it would go well. Anyway, long story short, in a lesson she was asked whether she liked me, and she said that she hated my guts. Anyway, I sent her a note that told her I'd finally got over her, but I wanted to be friends (and I really value her friendship. I mean, REALLY), but I haven't seen her since, as that was the end of term. I didn't stick around, as I had to go on stage as soon as I gave it to her (big musical, main part, blah, blah, blah). Anyway, I'd sworn off girls (at least for another couple of years), but now the real problem begins. I have this other friend, and we are really great friends, and I've had this feeling whenever I look at her, which actually started before I knew the first girl, but I've always just ignored it and put it to one side. She came over to my house and we were really comfortable together, e.g watching movies cuddled together, and she always gives me hugs, etc., and the bottom line is, I think I'm actually in LOVE with her. Big time. Not the at-the-time-huge-but-actually-just-an-infatuated-crush kind- the real deal. The thing is, I don't actually know anything about her side of the matter (she doesn't know, and she never will, if I have anything to say about it), and I don't even know if she has a boyfriend. That's the only thing I don't ask, because it's gotten me into trouble before (pushed into a relationship with a girl who was 3 years older than me and actually really creepy). What do I do? I don't want to tell anyone (look what happened last time), but it's killing me! What do I DO?~Lexodus~
View related questions:
broke up, drunk, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Lexodus +, writes (18 December 2008):
Lexodus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright; an update on how things are going. I found out she doesn't have one, and she doesn't know that I have feelings for her (at one point she suspected but she dropped the idea because she thought I still liked the second girl), but I found out that my best friend (second only to L, the one I love), J, might ALSO like her. He also knows that I do, not through me telling but through observation. He has yet to confirm this though, and dances around the question if it comes up.
Both of them mean a hell of a lot to me, and, although J has sworn not to tell anyone, I don't want to hurt him if the rumours turn out to be true and I don't want to embarrass myself and stop L being my friend, but I need to get this issue resolved and I am desperately in love with her.
HELP!
Thanks,
~Lexodus~
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): Well it seems you DONT really have bad luck at love. I dont know the whole story but try to easily get into a closer relationship with that girl and ask her about if she has a boyfriend when your better friends
And you DONT have bad luck, I do
Last time i got a hug from a girl... a month ago
a actual kiss....4 years ago
a real girlfriend.....never
and not only that the past 6 years every girl I liked, liked my best friend this happened about 15 times i counted
I have bad luck and just this past week A girl I liked got in trouble for talking to me to late on phone and had to delete and block me from myspace...
Just go with your gut but dont go to fast
...............................
A
male
reader, Lexodus +, writes (30 October 2008):
Lexodus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, everybody. I'm gonna give it a shot :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Kawika  +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Okay Lexodus...its time to bring out your charm. What happened the last time doesn't really apply to what will happen today, tomorrow or next week...so leave that out. It has no bearing. What you must concentrate on is what you have in front of you right now. There are many subtle ways in which you can find out whether she has a boyfriend without directly asking her. If a certain topic of discussion comes up...just ask her..."So, what does your boyfriend think about this?" If she doesn't have one she will let you know.
Girls often give subtle cues if she wants to take the relationship to the next level...so take your time. There is no need to rush in. What differentiates the outcome of a hot romance versus a mediocre one is how you set the temperature and what heat source you use. Meaning...sizzle it up a little and the flame will come. And, keep it to yourself. It's only between you and her...nobody else. I hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, HotANDcold +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Listen from my experience I really think you shall tell her because otherwise it will continue bothering you until you don’t know what to do. From my point of view I think girls don’t like a boy who’s super shy and doesn’t know how to make her feel wanted.
You gotta tell yourself if she doesn’t like me too bad there are billions of girls out there that I could be dating. It’s not the end of the world if you tell her you like her. Don’t tell her you have feeling for her because it would maybe scare her away but let her know how cool you think she is. There are many way of letting a person know you like them so you don’t have to say the L world just be yourself for once dude, I don’t know you but I do feel relate to your issue since I’ve been there and its difficult to feel like nobody likes you.
Just enjoy your life friends and girls come all the time, the ones that really appreciate you would be there no matter what you do because those are you’re real friends. Be positive man girls don’t like negative boys, you really gotta have a little of everything.
Don’t be too serious or too funny because many girls don’t like that. Just know when to be serious and when to be funny but because you already know that I don’t need to repeat myself right?
So remember buddy you gotta tell yourself there isn’t any girl who could make you feel like she’s too good for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, cuteblonde124 +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Hi! Okay i am a girl, and a very big baby when it comes to sweet things like this. First you NEED to know if she has a boyfriend. Very important. How? Just bring it up in a conversation. Like, so how have you and your boyfriend doing? if she has one say oh thats good, but if not say: Oh okay im sorry. Then change the subject. That way you know the information you needed without making it look like you were pushy. Next if she doesnt have a boyfriend then just gradually start flirting or letting her know you like her without saying it. Trust me girls dont like guys knowing they like them if the guy doesnt like her back, same for guys obviously. anywho it sounds like yall are really close, and thats good. Best friends make the best relationships.! hope it works out, keep us posted
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): tell her.. no one else
if she is such a good friend she will understand :) it sounds to me like you are really close so even if she did not feel the same way she would still remain best friends with you
best luck!! x
...............................
A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (29 October 2008):
hiyah firstly dont ever judge the past on your future, just learn from mistakes and realise not everyone is the same.
its easy to say you love someone and im not going to patronise you with the your only young talk cuz youve thought this through like an adult and your trying your hardest to deal with it like one, your taking the world on your shoulders and you need a break! focus on one thing, this girl doesnt need to be the only thing on your mind 24/7 it will get you down especially as you have no idea as to how shes feeling. get to know her a bit better as friends rather than jumping straight into the deep end head first you know?
its hard because its always on your mind and your feelings are deep for her so try it as mates get to know her and in time let her know your feelings are stronger than youve been letting on but youve been worried about her reaction.
its scarey i know but your going at it so quickly and it dont need to be! slow down take it a step at a time. dont run before you can walk as they say!
your taking a lot on so why not have a break and go ut and have fun and do normal stuff like just hanging with your mates or even famil time might help clear your mind so you can go back to it with a positive head on and a fresh mind of what to say and how to be.
dont rush love and if its not there then learn from it. always remember every girl is different.
best of luck dont worry! x
...............................
|
