A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I do love him very much. However, I've really gone off him recently. He's rude to everyone. He yells at his mum and orders her about, he doesn't talk to my parents even when he is stood next to them ( he will just stand there not talking much or in silence because he claims it's awkward), he never says anything nice to me. I'm no fan of loads of "you're so beautiful" like everyday but once in like a month wouldn't hurt would it? My parents hate my boyfriend. when I ask him why he isn't nice he'll say "I buy you so many things, I go out places with you". I've spent hours helping him with his uni application and he's never said thank you. I feel guilty for writing this but, I'm unhappy. I should point out that my boyfriends father committed suicide two years ago and to some extent I feel that this is to blame for my boyfriends apparent lack of affection. Am I just whining about nothing? I do adore him, I just can't understand why I've suddenly snapped or what to do about it. Thanks guys x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kendra30752richardz  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Just because he buys you things and all does not mean that equals total happiness and it's pretty immature to think that. He shouldn't expect you to be happy and not ever bring up your needs in the relationship. I'd say some of it has to do with ego and the loss of his father and possibly how he was raised. Does his mother allow this kind of behavior and does she allow him to talk down to her? Talking to his mother that way is totally unacceptable! By watching how a man/boy acts towards his female family members (especially the mother) can tell you a whole lot about how he'll treat you! It may be that he simply hasn't ever had affection and doesn't know how to give it. Still, treating people unkindly is a deal breaker... for me anyways.
A
female
reader, LostFan +, writes (6 November 2011):
Speaking as someone who is a lot older and has been through quite a bit in her life, I can tell you this:His behavior towards you (especially) and the rest of the people in his life and your life screams huge red flags to me.You are unhappy because he is withholding affection from you. You cannot function in a healthy relationship without receiving affection back. I know it's very hard to leave someone when you care about them the way you do, and especially given what has happened with his father, but you need to take a step back and try to look at the situation you are in objectively.He is not in a good place right now, and this has nothing to do with you. If you love him, you can suggest he seek counseling, but if he is unwilling to do that, then I would suggest you break it off with him. He's disrespectful to you and your family and even his family. This is a guy who is showing some really bad behaviors and left unchecked, who knows what could happen.You wrote this question because you know that something is not right. Always always always trust your gut. I hope for everyone's sake, this guy gets some help to work through the issues that are causing him to act this way (has he always acted this way or is this brand new behavior for him?) but it sounds like you are in a very unhealthy relationship.Try to get him to seek therapy and no you are absolutely NOT whining about nothing. You have every right to feel this way.I really hope that things get better for you, but know this: you are never stuck in an unhappy relationship and if you aren't getting love in return, then you should break it off and find a guy who will be affectionate towards you. Everyone deserves to have their needs met.Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, GummyBear18127 +, writes (6 November 2011):
 You deserve to be happy, and right now it sounds like your boyfriend does not make you happy. I understand that you may feel like the death of your boyfriends father may to be blame for his behavior, but he could also be using that as an excuse. If your parents don't like him for a valid reason, and your friends don't either then it may be time to reconsider your future.First, if you've never talked to your boyfriend about how his yelling and behavior makes you feel then I would tell him. Tell him very calmly that the way he talks hurts you and you do not like it. If he doesn't stop, you should break up with him. Verbal abuse is not good.If you truly love him and you think this love is real, then suggest counseling. You could say, "I know your father's death was painful for you, and think it is affecting your life in a very negative way. Perhaps we can go talk about it to someone." You could talk to a friend or pastor or a counselor. I hope this helps!! Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Sephiran +, writes (6 November 2011):
Talk to him about it. Tell him how much it upsets you.
If he says he'll try to improve, give him a chance. If not, leave him. You deserve much better.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 No you have the right to feel the way that you do. Everyone needs affection in a relationship so off course you are going to be unhappy, plus your family is negative towards him so this is going to rub off on you. Maybe he does feel awkward in front of your parents, but he should not be disrespecting his mother, my guess is he has a lot of anger with his father and he has never gotten that out, so he is some how blaming his mother and taking it out on her. Maybe he is scared to let his guard down in case he gets hurt.
But you deserve to be happy no matter what he has went through. So it is time you started talking and tell him you are unhappy, maybe he buys you nice things, but money cannot buy love and happiness. So you need to tell him how you feel deep down and ask him to try and work on things slowly.
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