A
female
age
30-35,
*ottie.X
writes:I know this is ridiculously long but please, I really really need help. Just skim over it maybe? This guy would wipe my tears away and told me he's not like those guys who use girls for sex, he's in it for long-term, and he'll wait for me for as long as it takes. We talked everyday. But then... 2.5 months after we started going out, my best friend told me... he asked out another girl the day after we started going out. I confronted him and he denied it. "I'd never cheat!!! it's just so low." We argued and he said "if you believe them, it's over! So who is it, me or them?" I said "I never wanted to lose someone like you" and he said we'd still be friends. The girl said he didn't ask her out, he told her he liked her. She got angry at him when she found out he had a gf and he said "it's an open relationship and we're taking it slow." (We had agreed to take it slow...coincidence?) But then he asked her for advice about giving me my first kiss as a present for my upcoming 17th bday. I got angry and broke up with him. The girl was shocked we broke up. "i mean,after that he never said anything about liking me.all he went on about was how much he loved you and how ah-mazing you are. he really does care about you hun x" Would he say "just promise me you won't do anything stupid like hurt yourself" if he didn't care? The next night I apologized and he said he needed time to clear his head. A week later he said "i just cant do it again, because i got really hurt from what you said to me and i dont want to be hurt again [he's been cheated on before]. i know this seems weird but if we got back together and broke up again it would hurt more, and i dont want to hurt you, i do love you but i dont want to risk hurting you because you mean so much to me." On the phone that night he said "we can still be friends" and joked about friends with benefits and said "do you know what friends with benefits are?" I said "WHAT?! Um yes." We never had sex or anything down there! (Thank god I'm still a virgin at 17. I'm not changing that for quite awhile!) He never ever pressured me for anything sexual - in fact he always said if he does anything to make me uncomfortable, just say no and he'll stop. -He once told me that a girl started accusing him of cheating while he was overseas, saying he tried to talk dirty to her but he said it wasn't him, someone hacked his account.. Still, I find it hard to believe he never cared. He always helped me feel better with my family problems too, cause he knows what it's like to be insulted and abused, and whenever I was upset, he'd tell me "everybody cries" and tried his best to cheer me up. Once I was joking about my jaw breaking from him making me smile so much and he couldn't bare to hear me joke about my jaw snapping because he "doesn't ever want to imagine me hurt." he said "it made me SICK to hear about girls calling you a b^^^h!" He attended an event on fb called "Hug and Kiss Your True Love Day." Why bother doing those extra things if you don't care?My best guy friend said within 2 weeks of our breakup he'd asked out a lot of other girls and has gotten rejected. I accused him and he said, "don't really care, killing myself soon." So I tried to convince him like crazy not to, then he denied asking out other girls during those 2 weeks since we broke up and said "leave me alone." One person told me that the problem is me making this an issue 2.5 months after it happened. "They guy wasn't perfect, but he definitely liked you. That should have been enough to carry on the relationship, since no sex was involved." But if he lied...Now he's messaged me hey twice on Fb chat. Yesterday I replied "I don't want to talk to someone like you ever again. Please just leave me alone." He replied "wtf did i do? but you know what, i dont give a ^^^k anymore,im done with caring and being nice and all this ^^^, my life is a f^^^^g mess and it has all happened because YOU accused me of cheating! even since then half my friends dont talk to me because they think i cheated on YOU,i never f^^^^g cheated on you!!! i never would! but you think everything you hear is right, so just leave me the ^^^k alone, i dont need more s^^t in my life." But why would he try to contact me on chat if he's so mad at me? I'm thinking it would help if this was resolved. But no-one admitted to lying. Doyou think he lied? Someone? Advice would really help... I don't know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kendra30752richardz  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 "The guy wasn't perfect, but definitely liked you" iS NOT a reason to stay with anyone! I also want to say kudos to you for staying a virgin! Brave and admirable! OK, now honestly, it sounds like this guy has MAJOR emotional issues or something. It sounds like he's the kind that needs to take a few years before going into a relationship and he sounds like a drama queen. Lol. Sorry. I'd opt for a friends only relationshipHe seems like he gets upset and a bit out of control with it too often. I understand you're questioning those things as they were highly suspicious. I would've too and in a relationship communication is important. If he cannot communicate with you without blowing up then he's got a lot of growing up to do. I'd break it off. It also sounds like he may have problems accepting rejection. He's free to work thigns out, be kind and talk when it's convenient for him and that is not how a relationship works. It also sounds like he wants to put all the blame on you for everything bad. You simply followed up on suspicions and had every right to. It's hard to be a young girl these days. You really have to have guards up constantly and that should be understandable. He may be the type that simply likes turning things into a much bigger problem and gettign over dramatic about everything. Shit happens. People get feelings hurt and have questions they need answered in relationships. Did he expect you to not ever even confront him with those things? You're not a weak female, that's why you went to him like an adult and asked him were they true. Anyone would be somewhat upset. I don't think he'll ever admit. He will only keep giving you the guilt trip until you actually believe you've done something wrong. If he gets this way, break it off for sure! Guys like that tend to give the guilt trip in hopes of the female giving sex in return. Sad and pathetic, but true. Just be alert and keep your guards up.Women have intuition. Always listen to it!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 It sounds to me like you are over reacting a bit, Ok maybe he spoke to this girl the day after he got with you but it was early days and you are making it a huge deal. If you trusted him well then you wouldn't believe that he done that to you. To me it sounds like he cares deeply about you, he is angry yes but that is because you keep hurting him. He tried to talk to you and you told him to leave you alone so off course this is going to hurt him. He loved you but you allowed the relationship to break up over rumours from other people, don't always believe everything you hear. If you want to win him back well then you need to apologise and tell him how you feel. But if you believe that he cheated on you even if it was early on and you are not happy with it well then leave him alone to get over him. Delete all his contact details and move forward with your life.
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