A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just split up from my partner of nearly 12 years. We have 2 young children. I had stopped loving my partner many years ago although i only told him it was about 2 years ago. It took me a long time to admit it to myself and even longer to admit it to someone else. This someone else happened to be another man that i had started talking to over the internet. I dont know what it was but from the moment we first spoke there was a connection, something that i suppose (thinking back on it now) was perhaps what i was subconciously looking for. This man, just by the words on a screen could make me feel like i was a teenager in love again, a feeling that had been missing from my life, and from those words came poetry. He gave me his number and we started communication by text. This is when i decided that I should end my relationship. My ex was devastated, but by no means an innocent in this breakdown. He was controling and kind of hurtful to me and has always slagged off my family to me, my mum and brother inparticular. Now i realise that he has practically sapped the confidence i once had from me, something other people saw years ago. This brings me back to this other man. He told me to call him, so i did. Couldn't wipe the smile off my face all day after that. He told me to call everyday if i wanted to, so I did. Now i feel like im getting too obsessed with him, if he doesnt text back or answer my calls, i get depressed and start questioning wether he really likes me or if he is playing me. He tells me it is my paranoia, and i know that it is but im scared that this paranoia will push him away and i will lose him before i really have him. We havnt meet face to face yet, but we both want to. I think that once i see how he looks at me and i have felt his touch, that i can finally relax because he will at last be solid and real. I don't know if i can cope with the pressure of it anymore and i feel like i'm falling apart.Am i a fool to think that happiness couldbe mine? an outsiders perspective would really help me...
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female
reader, kendra30752richardz  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 First I would be worried that it was a stranger who gave you what you needed to end it and not your own strength or not because he was unkind to you and your family. I don't condone this type of behavior at all, but I do hope you find the happiness you're searching for. Please, please don't ever put yourself or kids at risk though! Sorry, I had to add that. I have a female friend who got involved with a man on a site very similar to this and they publicly announced their dates and when they'd fly to see each other and one day he took every penny she had, including savings for her kids, he had stayed with them a month in their home and everything! it's scary. Just be careful. If not for yourself, for your kids. Also, I'd need a little bit of therapy after a 12 year relationship! I've been with my partner for 5 years and could not imagine us splitting. I don't think you're a fool for believing in this and don't ever sell yourself short. Make sure this time you don't settle. I do think you should be careful with how high you set your expectations though. You may just have gotten so overly excited that this "bliss" could blind you. It seems you're smart with a good head though. I wish you the most happiness in the world!
A
female
reader, xavima +, writes (6 November 2011):
You are building up a picture which may be totally different in real life. If this guy was such a catch,do you not think he would have been caught by a woman closer to him? You may be a bit gullible right now and it would be far better to get used to life alone and let things take their own course.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 I am sure it took a lot of guts to finish your relationship, but you have invested all your time and thoughts in to this new guy and believe me this is not healthy. You are using him as an escape and it is stopping you from coming to terms with the loss of a partner because you are fantasising about life with this other man. It is great that you have found someone who makes you feel good, but at the end of the day he is just someone you talk to over the phone and the internet, you have never met him and I do not want your expectations to be so high because when people meet for the first time it can be awkward as they don't know how to react to each other face to face. I don't want you to be hurt or let down so you need to hold yourself back a little and not expect to much from this man.
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