A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy off this dating site. I didnt like him at first, I thought his voice was loud and very pronounced (Im assuming he had to learn how to talk that way from teaching; he is a first year math teacher). He is a good guy though but our personality wasnt completely in synced. I was genuine and sweet on date, but was rushing that first date, I wanted it to end. Then when we played arcade games after our coffee shop convo, we were walking to the car and we were completely open with one another. And I felt something in me I didnt think I would feel , I told him I havent dated much. And then he said him neither, he was too busy. When I leaned against my car, he did too and he's tall so he said his face felt like it was fire from cold and I saw such a good person in his eyes, I thought silently 'Maybe I do like him'. I didnt know.Second date was that Wednesday where I did start liking him more but I started acting looser, sillier. Usually my dates arent that serious but he was a bit serious. He cleaned up and had haircut, nice sweater, he gotten so much cuter. We walked around, talked a lot and I couldnt handle it anymore, I kissed him. We friended each other on facebook.I hung out with a few friends that week too and posted it on facebook. He never contacted me. I went with a friend to a play and another friend to a restaurant for chinese new year.Then I initiated a week later asking him how was Iowa. (He went over to Iowa over the weekend). And then I felt a bit upset he never asked me out, I had to ask him out that sunday to see a movie. He cancelled and said can we reschedule. I started feeling like he didnt like me, I didnt hear anything for 10 days after what seemed like a great date. (its been almost 3 weeks that we havent seen each other)Flash forward, we scheduled to friday night. And I was cold, kinda silly, I was rude. I did some mistakes and didnt take the conversation we had that seriously. I acted like I was 15, he paid for dinner and then we drove separately to movie and I paid for the movie beforehand because I can see he felt unsure about paying dinner for me. Then I sat with my coat covering me in the movie theater. He didnt make a move all night. Neither did I. I deeply regretted what I did. When we walked to car, he stopped me and said he doesnt see this going anywhere at all and this is as far as it will go. He said he didnt feel a spark and stood far from me. I was shocked, taken back and said I am not sure I was looking for anything serious but I was shocked. He asked if I felt anything and tbh, I didnt know how I was feeling. I was just feeling like it was unfair he didnt see me last week. I was so immature that night. I regret it terribly.Flash forward, I later texted him saying sorry I felt bad for my behavior. Alot of things happened to me that week at work etc (I am sexually frustrated a lot). Then I woke up leaving him a voicemail saying sorry thanks for the honesty and I am not seeking anything serious at all tbh, that I am looking for a FWB only if he is up for that.He has never gotten back to me.What do you think? I knew I screwed up. BUt it was because that sunday night when he cancelled on me, I had gotten ready and really thought I was going to have sex that night and the excitement in me was pulsating. I was so excited til he cancelled, seemed like after our second date he was distancing himself. Then when he rescheduled, I felt like he was doing it to be polite only. I wasnt sure about his interest. Then on date he didnt make a move, but I was aloof , silly and rude. I am truly sorry I came off that way but then when I asked for FWB which I am def interested in, he never got back to me.Any advice can help. I am feeling bad I treated him that way. I am not entirely sure how I feel about him, but the sex I do want. I do feel a bit attracted to him (but I have met other guys I was def more attracted to). I am not crazy for him, but I cant stop thinking about the honesty I saw and felt from him that night. He is a good guy.Most likely I will bow out and not talk to him again but what do you guys think? Does he want FWB? Or wants nothing to do with me? Is he angry at me? Or involve with someone else?He said he is open to being friends and it was No biggie after I apologized via text. But I heard nothing back when I offered FWB. Thanks, any advice will help. (I also date frequently and meet a few guys a week but I havent been able to get him off my mind. the good I see in him makes me feel terrible about how I came across on the date because Im a good person too)
View related questions:
at work, facebook, immature, sexually frustrated, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2015): If you are picky then why on earth FWB??? You do know what that means??
It means there is no feelings involved which for most women is unnatural.
We don't last long in this kind of arrangement if we don't feel anything for a sex partner.men can do it quite easily becaus ether have the ability to separate feelings from sex. For women it's hard to understand because we are not like that, at least majority of us, but for men it's very natural not to feel anything toward a woman or not even like her and still have sex with her.
I don't understand how you having only one partner in your life want to go for the most unfavorable kind of arrangement for you as FWB.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for replying! It really means a lot to me.
I will listen to your advices.
I am cutting my ties and not going to contact him. I am not desperate but did wanted to apologized. I also wanted FWB, but its been a few days and I have lost complete interest. It is definitely a lesson learned.
Just to explain, I frequently date & I am picky on who I sleep with. I lost my virginity at 22 to another virgin & he has only been my only partner. I do respect myself and I dont see sex as something that is disrespectful to me at all. Its rather empowering and I do have sex toys. They do not help, I think I am seeking touch more than anything.
And just also wanted to further his dating profile he is very silly and stated that he wouldnt be oppose to FWB with someone. Our first date however, he realized he was silly, I didnt want anything to do with him but when we walked to my car, he stated I am a good person and he wanted to ask me out on an official date (I was very genuine & came off serious opposed to him)
Second date was a great time. He cleaned up, got serious, I started liking him. I even kissed him.
Third date was 3 weeks later where I acted nonchalant and childish (like he was first date) and he pulled back and said he felt no spark (much like how I felt on our first date).
No guarantees he will want anything more with me but I know that first date he did really like me but obviously not enough to even see me anymore. And I do know he is attracted to me, when I kissed him he went into complete shock and we kept kissing a bit more.
I apologized. I asked for FWB which I regret a bit. Thats not to say that if he reaches out I would ignore him. Lesson learned that I want to redeem myself and I want him to know I am still attracted to him.
But He hasnt replied. & I lost nothing and gained nothing...
And I am learning.
Thanks you all for the advices. It's really been helpful & humbling for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 March 2015):
 OP, I think you should consider this lesson learned and move on. Don't contact him again, not even to apologize.
By your own admission you've behaved immaturely. The man has politely rejected you and you're still sniffing around looking for some action. Great. Now he thinks you're either desperate or a pig. What would you think of a man you weren't attracted to, whom you had rejected, doing the same thing? 'Ok, fair enough but can we still have sex?'. Everyone here would be telling you you'd dodged a bullet and that he was really only after one thing from the start.
Put a period here and move on. You can't salvage this one. In future, show a little more self respect, because the lack of it is a HUGE turn off.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2015): Have you ever watch a silly show where 2 beatifull girls walk on a street coming up to all kind of guys and offer them threesome? It's a silly show with hidden camera, but the point is that MOST guys said NO to threesome with beautifull young girls.Not all man want FWB relationship. The fact that he refused mean one thing is that he doesn't want this kind of relationship with a girl ever, and he is looking for something more than this.You have here some kind of sport interest: you don't really like him but still are upset for him not wanting you. It is very childish and very immature.May be he detected it with you and doesn't want to continue because of that, One thing I don't understand, you said, you date a lot, then why are you sexually frustrated?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2015):
 I think you need to STOP reading SO much into a STRANGER'S actions or lack of them. And HE is a STRANGER.
Secondly, STOP being so dramatic! You are reacting to HOW you think he could maybe perhaps be feeling about you. YOU don't KNOW. RELAX.
And I think you need to accept that this guy, isn't into you. When he said "we can be friends" it was just his way of letting you down easy. He isn't looking for a FWB and I agree with Auntie E... Don't sell yourself so short and offer yourself up for sex, just because he isn't into you. Sex won't change that. UNLESS you want to come off as desperate.
Chalk this one up to a learning experience. With online dates you never know what you are going to get.
...............................
A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (4 March 2015):
 The question that begs to asked is this: Why do you think so little of yourself? What's with the FWB approach? Get a vibrator. If you are sexually frustrated.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015): I do not know what is going through his head but it is apparent that, like he said, the prospects were not going anywhere. So if this was me, knowing that it is heading nowhere and if I was looking for a serious relationship, your suggestion to be FWB would totally seal the deal never to see you again. No guy who is looking for a serious relationship will look at loose FWB sex as anything but disgusting insecurity baggage from which he will just run not knowing how many previous were like that and how many more in the future. I also think that your claim that you are sexually frustrated is something you use to excuse your mistakes. I would suggest that you behave exactly as what you seek: if you want a serious relationship then be patient and serious. This is another man's view.
...............................
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (3 March 2015):
 I hate to say it to you, but I think maybe he wanted to cut his ties... its obvious you have made a mistake, and you done your best to apologize for it, and even if you screwed up, you did your best to try and reverse it.
Don't feel like many more before you haven't made similar mistakes... sometimes when I have been on dates with someone or have started meeting someone I liked, I would get so nervous I would come across as both awkward and immature! I once got kicked out of a mans house for being a little bit too rude, but I didn't mean to come across that way.
I think he has made his feelings clear when he told you he didn't want anything serious.. and I think when he meant anything serious, he just meant he didn't want anything at all. I wouldn't hold your breath when it comes to him getting back to you.
You could always try and call him one more time if you want a bit of closure knowing he isn't interested, but I personally wouldn't even do that. I reckon you should maybe start too look else where when it comes to FWB's or relationships or whatever it is you want... If you put your mind to it, I am sure you'll eventually be able to acheive your goal! :) Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 March 2015):
 Apparently he isn't into a FWB type of relationship, surprisingly lots of guys aren't. Sorry Hon, but I think this ship has sailed.
...............................
|
