A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have to be the most stupidest person in the world, well not stupid gulible. I accused my bf of kissing a member of his family (well his cousin to be exact) cause someone told me and I believed it so when I accused him it came out as if it was something I just thought up. I'm totally ashamed of myself, 3 months on we're still together but his mother thinks I shuld be locked away for what I said, even though I said sorry for what I did and wish I could take it back, my bf loves me and has forgiven me which means the world to me. He now wants to buy a business and has asked me to go in with him and now his mother still thinks I'm the worst thing for him and he could do better but is fine with him buying a business with me.I don't know what to do, part of me wants to stay with him and prove that I'm good for him and we're good together, the other wants to cut my losses and leave. My best friend thinks I was stupid for believing something so stupid but she said if I love him stick at it. My head is all over the place I just need some advice/Please help......
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (11 September 2008):
 Find the right time when you're both in a happy mood ~ I think that's the best time. Bring it up gradually, don't go in all guns blazing about it. Then just say to him that he needs to stop this 'throwing in your face and reminders of your past mistake', all time.
Say to him, if he truly loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, as you do... then he should let sleeping dogs lie and bury the hatchet, once and for all.
Remind him that you think you've paid severely, many times, and you really don't need a constant reminder of it.
Also tell him how upset and hurt you get every time it's brought up and that you just can't live with it if it continues.
Give it a go, but remember, say it nicely and hopefully he'll be sympathetic.
Best of luck, hon.
BigSis
xXx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think your right Bigsis, he does care for me a great deal but its like he tells me all things about his mate to which I think I'll make my mind up about them when I meet him but there judging me for what I said, he said to me that I use stuff to blackmail him and use things as amo (no idea what he means about the amo) but I have never once blackmailed anyone, its not in my nature.
How do you think i should talk to me as in how I should start it.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (10 September 2008):
Aww babe, I'm sorry, and yeah, he was wrong to have made it public, he's more or less made you out to be some kind of ogre.
He's being very immature by throwing it in your face and making you pay, he needs to get it in his head that it was a mistake, he sounds a bit like his mother, in not letting you forget, am I right?
Call his bluff, tell him you'll end it if you can't work this out, or if he puts an end to chucking it back in your face all the time, otherwise this will stay with you forever....because it just isn't fair on you.
What do you think?
xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Big Sis for your answer, and we have had a talk a month back to which he said that if he wanted to listen to his friends then we wouldn't be together, but the thing that upset me was he had to tell his friends what I'd done instead of keeping it between us - it really hurt me when he made it "public" knowledge of the biggest mistake I made and I've paid for it but for some reason I still feel like I'm ttill paying for it.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (10 September 2008):
Thanks for the update.
Now, I think the pair of you have to sit and have a real heart to heart here.
It seems to me that yours and his friends are taking over your relationship.
Perfect example:
You listened to your friends ~ when they said they thought he was taking advantage of you, you also listened to that person who started this whole thing off by saying he kissed his cousin..and his friend doesn't seem to help matters either.
This is about you two, not them.
Lack of communication from you both can cause all sorts, and listening too much to what 'friends' are saying is just stirring up more problems between you.
You must work this out together if you love one another, otherwise your relationship is doomed.
Good luck my luv and work on it if you want to be happy with him.
BigSis
xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, just thought I'd give you an update on the situation. Me and my boyfriend had an argument last night and he threw in my face what I accused him of then it came out that his best friend doesn't want to meet me cause of what I said, my boyfriend went to his house the other week and said if i wanted i could come along but i decided i didn't want to cause I was feeling a little tired but he turned round and said that i try to invite myself and they don't want to meet me. So i decided to tell him that my best friends don't like him cause they think he takes advantage of me but because they care about me they make him feel welcome. I just don't know what to do next for this.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (27 August 2008):
Go with what your heart and your head tells you, and if your boyfriend is willing to take such a big step with you ~ then do it.
You love him, he loves you, forget his mother. It was a silly mistake on your behalf, but you only acted upon some idiotic gossip, a mere rumour, and she should accept that, just as your fella has. She'll get over it...eventually. If she don't, she maybe risking losing her son.
Mother's who accept their son's girlfriends are few and far between, they'll try and find the slightest thing to pick on, so perhaps you could persuade your boyfriend to give her an ultimatum, if it means that much to you.
He's the one you'll be spending the rest of your life with, not her. {If that's what your intentions are}.
Why don't you see if you can talk him into explaining to his mum that you admitted what you heard should have gone straight over your head, and that the accusation was a big mistake and nothing but stupid hearsay, and you should have trusted it not to be true.
It would be very interesting if you can get that person who told you this to explain themselves, why did they suggest such a thing?
I sincerely hope you sort this out.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (27 August 2008):
 OK I don't know how long you have been with your bf but the person who told you about the kiss is at fault here and they were obviously meddling for some reason, have you confronted them about it?
There must be a level of animosity within his family for this person to say it in the first place.
So you were unfortunately gullible to believe it but we can all be forgiven for that.
The motives behind why your bf would want to start up a business and involve you interest me more though!
Why does his mother think it would be good for you to be involved in a business with her son but not to be with him on a relationship level, trust is trust at the end of the day and when you go into business together you need more trust than ever.
I would never go into a business that involves any risk to yourself, I would do my homework completely before you even think about signing any paperwork. If a business is a sole trader or partnership then there are risks involved as any partner could be liable for any debts if the business was to fail. However if the business is set up as a Limited company there are less risks to someone's personal assets so check out which one it would be. You could also get advice from CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) which is free right now but in threat of closure if the government do not fund it more.
Maybe going to get some counselling may help and ask your bf if he would go with you i.e. to couple counselling to resolve any left over issues of trust. If his mother can see you are both committed to making it work and also help you start the business together with trust issues resolved she may change her mind about you and see that you have a level of maturity she had not given you credit for.
Have you talked to his mother directly about the fact that the kiss issue was raised in the first place, or are you just getting atmosphere and not actually discussing it?
When we love someone so much the fear of losing that person can be all consuming so look into some professional counselling and get as much help and information about starting up a business together before you take the plunge, there are certain start up loans/grants that you could be entitled to OK.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, Helpful Hillary +, writes (27 August 2008):
okay the first thing is never believe everything you hear! evidence is the golden key. To be honest any mother would have a problem because one you have accused him of cheating, two accused him cheating with a family member and three he took you back and she clearly does not approve! It's always nice to have the mother of your partner to like you but this is going to be hard to forget. Mothers always protect their sons more than their daughters it's a fact. The only way you could fix it with your boyfriends mothers is by simply talking and not when your boyfriends there. Be brave and go it alone. Explain that you know you where stupid to believe the rumour. Also say that you were hurt to hear it and that you love her son more than anything in this world. Sounds soppy but you need to explain how you feel. If all else fails then don't spilt with him because of his mother you clearly love eachother every much and i'm sure that your boyfriend is big enough to make his own paths in life. If you make him happy what more could a mother want? don't be beaten down by her, just because she doesn't approve doesn't mean you two should spilt, you haven't committed the worst crime of the decade. And the fact that she's okay to see you two go into business together shows that she isn't that bothered! but that she's clearly thinking of her son. just try not to step out of line where the mothers concerned. Hope i've helped...
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A
female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 Okay first off it's good that you can admit you made a mistake. Very good. It's also good he's forgiven you. A few good steps in dealing with relationships and communication is honesty and forgiveness.
As for his mother. Forgive her for feeling the way she does. Don't worry about it and move on. The more you allow her feelings to come into it, the more clouded yours will be.
I recently had a situation with my mother in law and my husband's ex. Long story short my husband's ex invited my husband up to spend time with his child at his mothers house and I was not invited or our kids.
I can understand you feeling upset about the mother feeling as she does. But as my husband put to me on my issue with his mother. Get over it. You are in a relationship with your boyfriend and not her.
In all relationships we make mistakes, each of us. Every hurdle you overcome is a good step in the right direction. Don't make things worse for yourself by worrying about your BF's mother thinks of you. Just concentrate on what you think of you and learn from where you are wrong.
Good luck!
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