A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a workplace problem. I am a 40-year old male, and I have a female colleague of about the same age. It is very clear that neither one of us cares much for the other. A week ago, I got into a very embarrassing situation. I stood up to ask her a work-related question and found myself in the position of standing over her looking down her cleavage. I did not intend to do this, and I was embarrassed and mortified, and to my shame, I was far too slow to react and move away. The expression on my colleague's face made it clear that she had seen all this and was understandably disgusted.I am totally embarrassed with myself about this. This was certainly no fault of my colleague's, but I did not mean for this to happen, either, and the last thing I wanted to do is offend or intimidate my colleague. I can't stop beating myself up about it all. And, being honest, I am terrified that she will complain about this to my manager. I feel I should apologise for what happened, but am concerned that this may be interpreted as an admission of guilt, by her or by my employers.What should I do? And what should I do if she does make a complaint?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 If you hang your "girls" out for all to see ( in in her case show of a the cleavage) you can't really get offended when a guy looks.
Now of you paraded around the office in a pair of spandex shorts and she looked at your... package.. would you be offended?
Of if someone has listick on their teeth..? *cringe*
Or spinnach between the teeth..?
We look where we look. Now that you are aware of it maybe you can stop yourself faster. Or just nor look at her from the chin down. :)
The lips, the chest and the eyes is the place most men look when talking to a woman, studies show.
If she goes to the manager, be honest.
A
female
reader, puds123  +, writes (12 May 2010):
i dont think thats very fair caringguy! A woman should be able to have her breasts anyway she likes with a man looking at them, quite frankly i think a bit of decorum is needed amoungst men. If a man have his back side of show when hes bending over you dont see a woman declaring to the world he wants it on show.As a woman with larger breats i find it hard to find tops that actualkly cover your breast even if you wear a vest top underneath i dont think that means i want men staring at my chest!However, in relation to the question I wouldnt say anything unless the situation arose. I also wouldnt feel bad because you didnt do it deliberately amd mistakes happen. Im sure if your collegue had a huge problem with she would have let you know then!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 May 2010):
Don't do anything. If they were on show, she wanted them to be seen. If she complains, just say you don't know what she's talking about and claim she's bullying you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 May 2010):
 Say nothing at all and it should all blow over. Mentioning it again would just be a cringe-worthy moment for both of you. If she reports you to your manager, deny you were looking at her sexually. You are obviously sorry about what happened and will know better next time. If she wants to make a drama over nothing then let her. I am all for protecting people from sexual discrimination and harassment at work but looking at her chest is not the cardinal sin of the century and she must have had something hanging out worth looking at!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 Do nothing. She was inappropriately dressed to show off her cleavage. She is at fault too.
I don't think she will complain. If she complains, you can tell them that you did not mean to look but it was shoved right in front of your eyes. Stop worrying.
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