A
female
age
30-35,
*issEmilina
writes:Dear Cupid,After a bit of reasearch, i found out that i have a septate hymen, which is really rare.While i attempted sexual intercourse, i started to bleed, but my hymen didnt break at all! What does this mean, am i not a virgin? Can i not have sex at all? I havent told my new boyfriend any of this and i am afraid to have sex wit him because im afraid my hymen will prevent it. What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): This answer is for anyone who has any questions or concerns about having a septate hymen. I am 17 years old and just recently lost my virginity. I too, had a septate hymen. It was fairly thick, and I was very concerned that it would hurt, bleed profusely or not break at all- leading to needing surgery. I was unable to wear tampons and the thought of sex scared me. But my boyfriend is a very understanding person, and I talked to him about everything that worried me. We did have sex, and it wasn't very painful at all. The ecstasy of having sex probably dulled the pain a bit, but there wasn't much blood either and everything turned out so much better than I had imagined. A day or two afterward, I noticed that the piece of broken hymen still hadn't healed, but my worries again were unnecessary. I have not visited a doctor at all for any reason related to my hymen, and I've never been to a gynocologist. 6 months after the fact, I am perfectly normal, and my sex life couldn't be better. I just wanted to share my success story, so that women with the same problem as me can learn from it, and maybe worry a little less.
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (9 June 2009):
 You probably need surgery but you are no longer a virgin!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 June 2009):
 First of all no you are not a virgin. You still had sex, even if it hurt, didnt last long, wasnt very good, your hymen didnt break.....none of this matters! The fact is that you had a penis inside your vagina, hence you lost your virginity.
I suggest you go to see your doctor as soon as possible (ask for a female one if you are embarrassed). Explain what you have said on here, and they will be able to help you with your problem. Once you have got this sorted, you need to think about birth control too (it might be an idea to ask your doctor while your there about your options).
Once you have seen your doctor you will be in a position to talk to your boyfriend about the situation. I'm sure if he loves you and if he is a good guy then he will be more than happy to wait for you until everything is sorted down there, the last thing he will want is to hurt you. But you do need to talk to him - if you dont mention it and just keep shrugging him off each time he tries to get you into bed then he will think you dont like him/you have gone off him etc! Men have fragile egos so it is important for him to know what is really going on rather than thinking he is doing something wrong!
And if he still pushes for sex with you after you explain your problem well he is an idiot that isnt worth you wasting your time on! This will be a good test to see whether he really loves you or is just after one thing - I hope for your sake he is a good guy and wont mind waiting at all!
Go see your doctor and good luck!
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A
female
reader, katiek  +, writes (9 June 2009):
if you have had penatrative sex then you arnt a virgin however i would go and consult your doctor about it.
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A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (9 June 2009):
If you have had a penis in your vagina then you're not a virgin. It doesn't matter if your hymen breaks or not.This is a question better asked of a medical professional.
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