A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband will only have sex using sex toys. He then asks me to masturbate him to relieve him. The problem is I feel like this is unnatural. I mean as a woman, I have to use my imagination and fantasize in order to respond, which means I'm not really enjoying our time together. I tell him I don't want to have sex this way because there's no real closeness, but he is so ashamed of his penis size (which is normal by the way) he feels bad about himself if we have sex like normal people. any advice on how to handle this situation?
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female
reader, demeplev +, writes (7 August 2012):
 I dont know what to say except I wanted to make a statement my last boyfriend only liked masturbating to relieve himself and not intercourse...what gives? didnt like it myself..not sure what kind of problem this stems from..but goodluck this kind of non intimate act over along period of time is draining and hurtful.
Wish you the best. Peace and love
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 My first response to you would be to see a sex therapist. There may be some lingering issues that your husband is having trouble expressing that could be brought out in a therapy session.
I suspect, though, that somewhere along the line he is embarrassed with his size or performance. Has he gained weight? Has age been kind to him? It may help if you encouraged you and him to join a gym and get in shape -- together. If he makes progress there, he may have some enhanced confidence.
Next, I'd try and seduce him. Wear something sexy and surprise him one night. Express to him that you want him -- no toys -- and verbally encourage him while he is having sex with you. The day after hint at what a wonderful night it was and tell him you can't wait to do it again. Sometimes that is all it takes to boost a man's courage. You may also want to plan a romantic weekend away (no kids) where you leave the gadgets at home.
I think you are going to have take some initiative in this matter. These kinds of problems tend to go unresolved unless you encourage him.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 It seems clear that your husband has some issues here. He's obviously given this considerable thought since it's a case of a complex which is driving his behavior. So I have to wonder if Sexless2012 is onto something.
You might broach this by saying that it feels like he's trying to push you into the arms of another man, followed with 'is that it?' YOu can tell him that in your opinion, flesh and blood beat plastic and batteries every time. Add, 'but the way you fixate on this makes me wonder if you want me to validate your shame by telling you that you are too small, that I deserve better, and so on. Tell him, 'if this isn't it, then what is this about? Tell him that you have a right to know what's behind this, and that he needs to start respecting you by leveling with you.
If he reacts badly to the 'other man' motif, point out that you're merely asking questions to get at the bottom of this behavior.
But again, don't be surprised to discover that Sexless2012 may be right. I've got a feeling about this ...
Mugzie
[email address blocked]
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (6 August 2012):
Yes, is this new? Or has it always been this way? It sounds like talking to him doesnt help, maybe because he has low self esteem? Im not sure. I think there is more going on, emotional issues with him, or maybe he is used to his hand and cant cum with a woman? Not sure. I would suggest sex therapy, go together. Have you ever tried just pinning him down, arousing him and mounting him? A little dominant and kinky yes, but how do you think he would react to that? What have you tried and what is his reaction?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 August 2012):
 Have you always had sex like this or is this a new wrinkle in your relationship?
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