A
female
age
30-35,
*aseyJacobus
writes:What to do with husband lying about porn?Ok so..I'm married and have 2 kids. My husband has been lying to me about watching porn. Now the porn isn't really that big of a problem even though I don't care for it because it makes me feel insecure and like I'm not good enough for him. But i really just don't appreciate the lying, even when I found it on his phone he kept denying it and blaming it on coworkers using his phone. He looked me dead in the eyes and said he didn't watch it. But then I caught him on it last night red handed. My main problem is what am I going to do about the lying! He was so convincing and lied so easily to me like it was nothing. If he can lie about this so easily to me, then what else is he or could he lie about??? Plus it's not like we don't have sex, we have sex alot unless he's too tired; but a lot of times he has issues getting it up and keeping it up @ I think it has something to do with the porn.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): Make sure he keeps his word, i thought i was making an effort my bf still found time to knock one off to other people.
A
female
reader, CaseyJacobus +, writes (15 May 2012):
CaseyJacobus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the opinions & we have talked about it & he says he doesn't need it & is willing to stop watching it.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (14 May 2012):
 Lying is obviously a huge issue. I am so tired of reading all of these responses justifying why it is ok to lie to your partner, because you are ashamed, because they don't like it, whatever. It is incredibly destructive to a relationship to lie about anything, especially something that makes your partner feel insecure!Porn is an obstacle that many couples must overcome. Most people will tell you to just get over it, even though it makes you feel bad. This is not right. You need to talk to your husband and come to a decision together about what is acceptable and unacceptable in the porn region.I totally get where you're coming from about feeling inadequate. Tell him how uneasy it makes you. If he insists on needing it (which could indicate addiction), then compromise. Maybe watch it together. Or if you are not ok with that, watch some porn with super hot guys and let him find it. See what he thinks about it then. This seems childish to do, but sometimes people don't understand until they are in the same position you are.Much love and Best wishes
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A
female
reader, boredofit92  +, writes (14 May 2012):
I know what you mean and personally i wouldnt be able to understand why my husband would bother to watch porn when like you say he has you. Maybe he is just watching it cos its the easy option and he can just satisfy himself and be done with it, thats why he has troubles when u actually come to have sex. I would bring up the conversation and tell him how it really makes you feel, dont concentrate on the lying because even though that is the major issue here (my ex was the same and would lie about stupid things even though we both knew the truth) because if u say ur hurt over lying he will just be like 'im not lying!' and ignore what your trying to say. So maybe sit him down and tell him how him watching porn makes you feel and ask him to consider how he would feel in your position, then at the end just mention how u dont appreciate being lied to when the truth is obvious. Hopefully that will make him think more when he next goes to watch it/lie.
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A
female
reader, tinkxxx1 +, writes (14 May 2012):
if he loves you enough, and you make your feelings clear enough, he would stop watching it. im sure you'd make sacrifices for him x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): You say you don't have a problem with the porn but it makes you feel insecure and as if you're not good enough. He wouldn't lie about the porn if he knew you wouldn't get mad. Even there maybe he's embarassed about the porn and wants to keep it personal. I watch porn sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend bc no one turns me on more than him. And the problem of getting hard and stayin up can have to do with labido or age or even a medical problem. It can also be that when you have sex alot it can be harder and harder to get HARD bc it's so frequent . Try new things and buy new things sexy outfits and accessories. Also don't do the same thing so often all the time. You can give each other massages or take a bath together. It's not all about the sex, remember why he fell in love with you and remember why you fell in love with him. YOU GUYS HAVE 2 KIDS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. He obv loves you and trust, you would rather him watch porn than go out and cheat. The only time porn will be a problem is when he completely stops having sex with you and is always jacking off to porn. Nonetheless you are worth alot and you are good enough do don't think that :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): You say you don't have a problem with the porn but it makes you feel insecure and as if you're not good enough. He wouldn't lie about the porn if he knew you wouldn't get mad. Even there maybe he's embarassed about the porn and wants to keep it personal. I watch porn sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend bc no one turns me on more than him. And the problem of getting hard and stayin up can have to do with labido or age or even a medical problem. It can also be that when you have sex alot it can be harder and harder to get HARD bc it's so frequent . Try new things and buy new things sexy outfits and accessories. Also don't do the same thing so often all the time. You can give each other massages or take a bath together. It's not all about the sex, remember why he fell in love with you and remember why you fell in love with him. YOU GUYS HAVE 2 KIDS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. He obv loves you and trust, you would rather him watch porn than go out and cheat. The only time porn will be a problem is when he completely stops having sex with you and is always jacking off to porn. Nonetheless you are worth alot and you are good enough do don't think that :)
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A
female
reader, carebare  +, writes (14 May 2012):
Why does he think it's so important to keep his porn watching habits a secret? Have you told him he shouldn't be watching it or is he just ashamed of himself for watching porn at all?
You need to talk to him and find out why he's lying. There must be something to it if he also has trouble keeping it up. Does he have some fantasies that he can see when he watches porn? Would you be willing to "spice up" your sex lives?
Just try to be really open and hear what he has to say, especially about his reason for lying.
It's easy to begin to speculate about the many lies he could have told once trust is broken but first talk this out and don't let it consume you.
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