A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,im preganant and baby due in august. Me and my husband are both thrilled but theres 1 aspect im not happy with....I am having a hospital birth and so far a vaginal birth which is all good but my husband wants his parents and possibly some other relatives in the room with us whilst i give birth (relatives whilst im in labour and just his parents for the birth)(hospital did agree we can hav people in during labour provided me and baby are not at risk) Its some sort of family thing...it was the same when his sister inlaw and sister gave birth the whole family watched and took a video and photos.Im repulsed by the whole idea and just want it to be me and my hubby.I did tell his mother...in a friendly way that she is more than welcome to come in as soon as the baby is out but not during the labour.She of course was in bits and couldnt stop crying and everyone else doesnt see the big deal and think im in the wrong.Even my husband got angry with me and said im being selfish.My husband is their 1st born and favourite son and it means so much to them to be present.what do i do? Anyone else had their labour filmed? Do u really notice the people in there???
View related questions:
vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): I agree with all those who said you are not being selfish and you shouldn't feel under pressure to agree to what other people want if it's not what you want.
In labour it is really important that a woman feels safe as this will encourage the helpful hormones (oxytocin) and discourage adrenalin, which is unhelpful in labour. If you were to agree to having people there you don't want this could undermine your chance of having a straightforward birth as your hormones would tell your body you weren't in a safe place to give birth, slowing contractions, pain would be harder to cope with etc.
Women in labour need to feel safe and supported!
Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): to be honest with you hunnny, i would not like anyone apart from my partner in the room when i give birth, i think your partner is the one who is been selfish, it is scary enough going through laber as it is, you do not need the added stress of having people watching you go through pain, end of the day it is your body that will be on show, ask him how he would feel been semi-naked in front of your family, maybe that cud help him understand how uncomfortable you feel about it, i say do as u wish... it is your body and your baby, put your needs first,
ps im due on 19th of august, and i am well scared, as this will be my first child. take care xox
...............................
A
male
reader, unclezak +, writes (25 March 2009):
Definitely agree with everyone else. Sounds repulsive/perversse/cult-like and downright out of order.
Mind if I ask where they are from as I've never heard of anything like this before?
I think my wife'd wanna be separated if I insisted on such a matter for our baby!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 I just had another thought about this...maybe it's important to stand firm on this for another reason as well. If you allow "the family" to dictate this you may end up having "the family" dictate other personal decisions regarding you, your child, etc. Sometimes a strong family can be very over-bearing.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 I say, Your VA-J-J, Your Rules.
I agree with all the aunts that support your deciding who is in the room. It's you who is being exposed, not your husband, so it's not his decision.
My husband and I gave birth together, Alone, (aside from the fact that it was a teaching hospital, frankly, people you KNOW are a different story) and the experience was wonderful. In as much as i LOVE my other relatives, I would not have changed this experience for the world.
It is what made us our own little family, together. The extended family should be respectful and wait to be asked into the room after birth and breast feeding and bonding is over - or better yet, the next day. Those first few hours of becoming parents, becoming a mother and a father, are so precious and they only happen once. You will be able to focus on each other and drink in all those first few hours together and be able to say whatever you want - without anyone else's approval - no interruptions - except for whatever your son or daughter wants to say!!!!!!!!! Honestly, being alone for those first moments is something that will be my favorite memory of all times, twice (we have two children). Please have the courage to stand your ground. It will be worth it.
And honestly, would you have invited these people in or your wedding night? - think of it in those terms - this is a private and sacred moment!!! Even if some people are alright with doing this, it really isn't normal for EVERYONE to be with you. First and foremost, your pain and position as the delivering mother should make YOUR choices everyone else's priority and your husband should be supporting you in this. A non-stressed mother gives birth quicker and the infant isn't in stress either. Kudos to all of the Aunties who suggested that a mid-wife should intervene on your behalf as well (but it were me, I'd throw a pregnancy hissy-fit and let my husband know how serious I was about this). He needs to step up to the plate and protect you! That's was men are supposed to do - protect their women! Not just placate their Mom and Dad! It's no big deal if they see the baby a couple of hours later anyways! And Hunnie, I am saying this as a women who is DYING to be a grandma, but I wouldn't THINK of telling my son that I should be present. I think it's a gross invasion of privacy to do that. And even if they wanted us there, I think that this moment is far too private to include even me...
Stand your ground, Hun. Your feelings are right and they should be respected. If you don't, you will have this event railroaded into a three-ring circus. I doubt that you will look back and regret putting your foot down, but you WILL always remember if the day that you became a family was trampled all over and your idea of how it all started was everyone else's idea but yours.
Good Luck, Congrats! XXX
If you have any suggestion on how to get my kids to have my grandkids, please send me advice!!!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dalmatian +, writes (24 March 2009):
Yes, let the family in for this special event. It is not
your decision alone but a family decision. You are very
lucky that you have a family that cares and wants to be
involved. If you don't do this the family will rightfully
feel insulted. Take lots of pictures and use the pictures
during you sex education conversation with the child in a
few years. Don't worry about modesty - you seen one you
seen them all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Stand your ground. Suggest to your husband he gets his genitals out and you will film them and let the whole family have a look - because that is how you feel. Birth is private and can be traumatic and its an intimate time for both parents. The last thing you need is family pressure. I would absolutely HATE it!! Is nothing sacred any more? I can't imagine what it would do to your sex life later knowing most of the family have seen you on your back with it all on show.... :-( Sounds like he's pleasing his family and not you. Thats a concern for the future in itself.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2009):
I gave birth in a teaching hospital and I had a whole audience it was like Carnegie Hall, BUT they were professionals not family. I'm with Tish, watching a film of my genitals is not my idea family home movie night, definitely creepy. It's your moment and I think your husband should respect your wishes and stand up for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Who are the selfish ones? The ones insisting that they be present during what is essentially one of a woman's most important moments? Or the one who has some modicum of privacy and would like to keep it from being a circus?
Tell your husband that it is his family who are being selfish. Just because your sister in laws have succumbed to parental pressure to have their labor recorded and to have all sorts of relatives traipsing in and out doesn't mean you have to. I mean, come ON, what are they going to do with that tape of the birth? Watch it over and over again? Sounds kind of creepy to me.
I think I'd contact the midwife or hospital and tell the one in charge of allowing people in and out that you would prefer to have a restricted guest list to your child's birthday party.
(I'm having revenge fantasies if you wind up having them coming in and taping the birth, by you swearing such nasty words during contractions that they could never show the tape to any one because they'd all been called selfish ****ers and ***** ****ers. You could of course also in the throes of a contraction accidentally rip the camera out of the paparazzo's hand and smash it in bits on the floor.... Sorry, this is my devious brain at work here. To be serious again....)
It's YOUR birthing day, I say YOU get to decide who is allowed in and out. Anyone who says otherwise is the selfish one.
Congratulations, by the way!
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 March 2009):
I think your best bet is to make them aware that they can be there but you will not be happy about it and you just want them to know that they will be making your labour much more stressful, and if that causes complications then you will hold them responsible.
Also, when you go into hospital, just be brave and ask the midwife to cover you up as best she can as you aren't happy with everyone seeing your genitals.
She'll probably chase them all out at that point.
I certainly wouldn't want anyone looking at me down there, whether there was a baby coming out or not.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (24 March 2009):
babe do not be bullied by your husband and inlaws. Most hospitals would not have more than two people in the room during the birth. I'm surprised you have found one that is talking about having so many people in the room.
You have choices here.
1)insist that your family also want to be in the room. (the hospital will refuse this so you can say if mine cannot come in neither can yours)
2) Tell him and them straight and put up with the fall out forever.
or 3) and this is what i would do.
Send my husband out of the room during labour and quickly tell the midwife that you really don't want extended family in the room and could she pretend it was her idea to get them out as it would cause a family rift if you told them how you really feel.
Good luck darling. This is your special tome to be shared with who you choose.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): How dare your husband say you are being selfish; He sould try giving birth to a baby in a room full of relatives. I agree with you 100% Your body,then its your rules nothing else to say on it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): you tell that you dont want them there full stop. - you are worried and don't need the extra presence of a camera crew in there as well.
its your choice - you could have a word with the midwife? and say can we make sure these spectators are kept out.
if they keep persisting tell them what happens if there are complications. and there filming distracts a doctor at a vital time?
just some thoughts - no expereince at all...
Star.x.
...............................
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (24 March 2009):
 I would say that you should do what is more comfortable to you.. You will most likely be in a lot of pain and any more uncomfortableness is probably not good.. but on the other hand, you might be in so much pain that you might not notice anyone else in the room..My wife will most likely be giving birth in September and I'm excited, but I'm going to be the only other person in the room unless my wife wants someone else in there.. Personally, I see no need for the other family members to be in the room. The way I see it is that this is between you and your husband and not with you, your husband, and his family. I think you should just kindly tell them that you are not comfortable with an audience during this blessed event and stick firm.
...............................
|
