A
female
age
41-50,
*ells1313
writes:Me and my husband have been married for 4-1/2 years now and for the past three years we have lived in two different states. When we moved the first time he brought a lot of debt with him that I was unaware of and then became quickly aware of. I have since gotten us breathing again. There is still some debt, but we are a lot better. Almost two years ago we had our first child and moved to a different state due to job change. I stay at home with my son. Just two weeks ago my husband told me that he is not in love with me any more. I asked him how long he has felt this way and he told me about a year. I am devastated and don't know if I should leave him or not. He said that he doesn't care as much about me as he should and thinks that I deserve better than him. He says he doesn't know why he feels this way. I think this has a lot to do with our money situation and how stressful it has been on us, especially having our first child in the middle of it. My husband is the type to make a decision and stick with it. It is very hard to change his mind. I don't want to split my family up, but how am I supposed to live with my husband when he is not in love with me? He did agree to go to counselling, but I am not sure that that will work on him. What should I do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): woah! he doesn't love you- DUMP HIM. he doesn't even respect you enough to tell you a year ago when maybe you could have done something about it!
maybe you could have tried counselling when these feelings started but he didn't even care enough to bring it up. its been a YEAR. do you really want to sit in a room with a stranger and hear all the reasons he doesn't love you anymore! counselling won't make him love you again.
your child won't benefit from being the product of a loveless marriage so get rid of your husband and make a fresh start. you'll find someone who cherishes you and makes you feel as special as you are. don't settle for second best.
A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Its a hard thing to hear that he doesn`t love you.But him saying it by no means makes it true.He might believe it but deep down I don`t believe love ever goes away.I still love everyone I have ever loved to this day regardless of how they may have hurt me or I them.That said his statement would probably be derived from some other source.In this case I would suggest it may be his own depression and or lack of self worth.Give counselling a chance.Plus I would recommend activities to bring you closer together.IE act more like your just starting dating then like you`ve been married 4+ years.Go out for dinner and a movie.Have a candle light dinner.Find ways to add romance back into the equation. Don`t feel like he doesn`t love you.You have already asked him what is wrong.It`s a pity he was not able to give an answer to you.Don`t give up on that avenue. Communication is vital to any relationship.Continue to try to find out what he is thinking,and feeling.Don`t be too aggressive in your approach for he has already backed away from you at least once.Just find things to talk about. It really doesn`t matter what as long as your talking.Ask about his day,what he feels like,what he wants to do,describe your life,and emotions to him.BS about the weather,sports,tv,or any common interests.Please don`t give up yet.I know his words were a hard blow to take,but show him he is loved.And in due time he will realize he has always loved you.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 well give the counselling ago i mean if it is due to stress of the money situation and the fact you had a little baby in the middle of your financial crisis maybe he can resolve it by going to counselling.
i mean he's obviously wanting to make an effort and there is no-one else i assume i mean he wants to go to counselling so he cares a fair bit to want to make this work but stress of financial issues can put a strain on a relationship even if it is resolved.
definately try the counselling if he's willing to give it ago i mean this could be the answer to your family not braeking up definately give it a whirl i mean he seems to want to make this work.
hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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