A
female
age
41-50,
*ac2b55
writes:My husband left me three months ago for a much younger woman (he is 32, she is 21). I am devastated, we have four children together and it is heartybreaking that every other weekend they are staying at her house. (he moved straight in with her!). He tells me that they are extremely happy and asks why i just cant be happy for him! My question is.... If he is still talking to her about me, texting me when she is not there, flaunting her in front of his family and my friends, telling me that the sex between them is way better than it was with me, getting frustrated with me when he sees me etc. Is his relationship just a rebound relationship?? I am not interested in people telling me forget it, why does it matter etc. What i want is to know the chances of their relationship lasting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): Oh and yes, i have a very good solicitor ;)" when everything is said and done, this is what is most important.
Although u are hurt, devastated by the betrayal, I think u know what u NEED to do: hold your head up high and Move on. And Do Not look back.
You do not know whether this is the first time he cheated. Whether his affair works out is not your problem. Bec you would have moved on as well.
This affair is Not a rebound, he was already cheating with her while married to you.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): Their relationship has less chance than a snowball in hell.Seriously.In such cases as you describe, the spouse who takes off has serious self esteem issues, can't maintain the fantasy in the new relationship, and separation and dissolution almost inevitably follow
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 June 2011):
 well then you tell them the right things. this has to be incredibly difficult and painful for you.
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A
female
reader, Jac2b55 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Jac2b55 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Would i take him back?
Two months ago, definately yes. Now, who knows! My husband and i were together for fourteen years. In this time he never cheated, and was a very nice, well respected man. He is not the same man now though.. Not the man i married!
I am still conflicted with my idealisms of marriage, through good times and bad etc etc.
But in saying that my focus at the moment is not on him and i getting back together, but about looking after my children and myself.
Children are amazingly resillient which i am extremly grateful for.
My husband moved in with this woman straight from our home, he flaunts the fact that they are together in front of my kids. They are very confused.
I do the best i can! They did the wrong thing, not me! I will not bag them in front of my kids, but unfortunately they are aware that he was with her before he left me.. There is nothing i can do to change that. I do tell them though that daddy did not want to be married anymore, but he will always love his children!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 June 2011):
well my understanding is that a rebound relationship is one that starts AFTER a relationship/marriage breaks up. that is not the case here. he left FOR HER.
there is no way we can predict if their relationship will last... I can't imagine that the children knew all the sordid adult details so that perhaps you are projecting a bit and the kids are picking it up... and if you speak badly of her or dad in front of the kids they will hear that too
and much like eyeswideopen i want to know if you would take him back.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I'm just curious, if your husband decided he wanted to come back, would you just let bygones be bygones and let the scumbag back?
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A
female
reader, Jac2b55 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Jac2b55 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses... My main concern, and the reason why i am asking this question, is for my kids.. I hate the fact that as long as she is around they will be reminded of what their dad has done. My daughter is refusing to go to their home (i do encourage her to go but she is digging in her heels) which is heart breaking. I get that they are his kids too and he can choose who he brings into his and consequently our childrens lives, i just dont feel as though she is the best role model for my kiddies. She is only twenty one, and from the nasty text messages she has sent me is extremely immature. That and the fact she knew my husband had a wife and four kids when she initiated the relationship (yes i know hubby could have said no!).
My kids are so torn at the moment and it would make a huge difference if she was not part of the scenario (therefore my seeking info on probability of relationship lasting). The reality is though that at this time she is part of the scenario, and i will just have to try and make the best of a very difficult and painful situation.
I take comfort in knowing that she may have been able to snag my husband, but she will lose when it comes to taking away my beautiful four children who love and respect me.
Oh and yes, i have a very good solicitor ;)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2011):
This isn't a relationship that he started AFTER you guys split up, he LEFT you for her. I wouldn't call it a rebound relationship. But I sure as heck would call the best divorce lawyer in town and get every penny I could.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 June 2011):
 So sorry for your painful time.Who knows how long "they" will last? (If they didn't last, would you want an irresponsible, disloyal person like that back?)YOU will last much longer! :) Take care of you and your kids. Seek out legal and professional counsel to find your own peace and leave him to his own foolish devicesBest Wishes.
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A
female
reader, Jac2b55 +, writes (31 May 2011):
Jac2b55 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand that noone can predict the future, and i understand that rebound relationships can and do workout. What i am asking is the experiences of others and whether they feel this relationship is my husband rushing into something to protect himself from the pain of our breakup.
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A
female
reader, lorinda +, writes (31 May 2011):
You know, he doesn't sound like a very nice person. For whatever reason he decided to leave you, the two of you had children together and obviously at one time cared very much for each other. That he would be so selfish and hurtful to you while in the process of making himself happy is sickening.
Any man that bad mouths his ex wife is a loser in my book...and to discuss and compare your sex lives is just insensitive, and shows his level of immaturity... Will their relationship last? I doubt it. Every relationship is great in the beginning...it's new and different and exciting.... but then you ultimately do really get to know the other person, and that is where he is going to run into trouble. For some reason, you knew him...and loved him anyways, but he should have felt lucky in that! but his new little Chicky...she doesn't have the emotional ties or investment,and she doesn't have to put up with anything she doesn't like from him, doesn't need to work at it...why? Because at her age, she expects it to always be all about her. She doesn't know what she even really wants. He wont be able to keep up the "I'm the perfect guy for you- gonna make all your childhood dreams come true" facade...and when she tires of his selfish needs...I imagine she will kick him top the curb and simply move on. Hopefully you will have met someone that makes you happy and is also worthy by then, and you will be ready to leave him at the curb!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 May 2011):
I shook my Magic 8 Ball and it said "yes and no". It's really accurate predicting the future.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (31 May 2011):
There is no telling. It could be a reboud, it could last 50 years. At this stage it would be pure speculation on anyone's part, even his and yours. We can't know how our choices will affect the outcome, so no one knows what the outcome will be of their relationship, but we do control the choices we make in the present moment, and at this time, he is choosing her. What are you going to choose to do?
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