A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a happily married woman but lately I've been encountering problems with my husband.first a roving eye which caused me to have a very low self confidence,then a porn addiction to which I was livid with, which he overcame or so I thought but now its going abit deeper.while I'm asleep he has intercourse with me not being a willing participant! I'm deeply hurt and humiliated at what his doing to me because we have or had a great sex life. At first he apologised because it became apparent that I was not impressed by what he had done and was not very keen on forgiving him,I soon realised that that apology was not sincere,not at all because a couple of days later he did it again...fondling and groping me in the middle of the night,saying that he doesn't remember what he did..he fails to realise that the trust that I once had for him is gone,I don't feel safe when he is around,I dread the night because of what he will do and on top of it all,he doesn't even seem phased by what he is doing.please help
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confidence, married woman, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): It jest like raping,respect is to way traffic
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Have you thought that maybe he doesn't remember what he's done?There have been several occasions where my partner and I have had sleepy sex in the middle of the night and he doesn't remember it the next morning. He often feels me up in his sleep. I have a higher sex drive than him so I don't mind! However, I can imagine why it bothers you. What do you mean by a roving eye? He looks at other women or he's had an affair? I don't see what is wrong with looking and admiring other women, he's a man.. Although you may not like it, it doesn't mean he loves you any less and by you telling him that you don't like it and its wrong, you are telling him that these natural feelings bad; which that aren't. If you have a problem with self confidence then that's something you need to find yourself, not something you should rely on other people for. He fails to realise your trust has gone; Have you had a conversation about this? One thing I've learnt about men is that they are most definitely not mind readers. I would not recommend you leaving your husband; this is a bit extreme is it not? For the moment, ask him to sleep in the spare room or on the sofa because you aren't getting good quality sleep with him touching you while sleeping. Then go see a relationship councillor, and objective input might be helpful.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 That is legally rape. If you are asleep, you cannot consent. That is why you feel unsafe at night, and no one should be in a relationship where they feel unsafe or even uncomfortable. You need to get out before he takes it further. If you're unwilling to leave since you are married even after he's sexually assaulting you, you need to make sure he knows what he's doing is illegal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): You should never feel hurt, unsafe or humiliated in a relationship. That said, are these feelings warranted? I mean, maybe he is just looking for some adventure or kink in the bedroom. No offense, but you sound pretty vanilla if you aren't up for an occasional spontaneous late night romp or grope from your spouse. The wandering eye is not a good thing, but most guys window shop with no ill intentions. It's human. And the porn "addiction"...was it really an addiction or just a curiosity? Sounds like the "great" sex life you talk about is really a lack of sexual compatibility or mismatched sexual values. Not your fault, but maybe not his either.
I'm going to vote for marital counseling on this one too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): somewhat true but the easy way out. he may be a sex addict, normal sex doesn't do it for him. if your still in love try counceling at least first for yourself then reserach sexual addiction. you'll be surprised what u learn. regular sex with him may not be working. if your confortable have fantacy nite, one of pretending ur sleeping, then wakeup and turn it into the kind of sex that ur more comfortable with. I hope this helps u.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 he doesnt respect you at all.you have to leave him.or sleep in a seperate room and make sure you lock it just to feel safe.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Well, the answer is clear. You need to leave him! It may or may not seem drastic to you but this is what I suggest. By doing this, he has shown a complete lack of respect for you in every way. He has destroyed what trust you used to have, he has annihilated any sort of intimacy that was once shared between you (although, that became apparent the day he began staring at other women) and now he has you fearing the night where he was meant to keep you feeling happy and safe and warm and loved.
He has nothing left to offer you anymore. Do not let him ruin you, you can still walk away from this a strong and proud woman.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): If hes making you feel unsafe at night. Ask him to move to another room. Or get separate beds. Ask him to curb his use of internet porn. Especially in the evenings as it may be playing on his mind while hes asleep. It sounds to me that there maybe deeper issues at play. If things in the marriage are generally bad. Ask if he will attend counseling with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Im very sorry for your situation miss. It sounds like your husband may have a psychological issue and needs it resolved only thru professional help. My guess is that his addiction has mislead him from fantasy into reality and the stuff he is doing is against your will, which should tell him what he is doing is completely wrong and he should respect your body. The fact he has no remorse for his actions is a very very bad sign he has a psychological issue unless he is currently taking some kind of meds with said such side effect, then he'd need to change the meds. If he refuses help, I would divorce him as he is not healthy for your own personal well being. My best wishes.
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