A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband doesnt want me to go to church, i want to so bad to fellowship, music and to just enjoy the presents of the Lord, i do free enjoy the presents of the Lord home. Why ? he says that they want to know where he is and that they will start praying for him, he doesnt want no part of it. so i am trying to be a good wife and not disobey him, but i just keep longing to go. we have two beautiful children 5 and 1, i teach them at home, and he prays only before eating, he says that i am disobeying him by going...help any comments on this. Reply to this Question
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 I am an atheist but I agree with the general thrust of the other posts; that your husband has no right to stop you from going to church and pursuing what is in essence a matter for your own conscience. Marriage is not a jail sentence and nor does it oblige you to agree with your partner on everything, you are distinct individuals in a partnership. I wouldnt go so far as to say it is abuse but I would agree it was wrong. It is about him controlling you in a way that is unacceptable and you do need to be firm but fair when you deal with it.
Having said that when he prays is also a matter for his own conscience and you conversly have no right to impose your faith on him. As has already been mentioned when it comes to your children things are slightly different. To my mind, just as you have rights to follow your faith they also have a right not to be indoctrinated and to be taught to develop their own feelings and opinions on this matter and go the way that they choose for themselves. Good luck.
A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (17 February 2008):
Marriage is a covenant not a jail sentence. He is breaking the covenant by not putting God first. Spiritual abuse is actually one of the types of domestic violence. There is physical, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual. He should be allowing you to practice your faith as God is head of the household not your husband and both of you are subservient to God and not you to your husband. When the scripture states that women should be submissive to their husbands he was not implying that the husbands dominate their opinions on their wife and need to love their wife as their own flesh. I would go to church not to be defiant but to be loyal to God.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 February 2008):
 You should obey God and not your husband.Your husband is wrong to forbid you from going to church.
You can over ride him because he failed as a husband to lead in your family. He should take you to church but he has back slided.
God is telling you to go to church. That is why you feel the urge to go.
Pray for him ,that God will touch him and allow you to go to church.
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (17 February 2008):
America was founded on the principle that people wanted the right to worship God as they chose rather than as others thought they should. This is a fundamental human right enshrined in the US Constitution.
Challenge him on this.
As for disobeying him, that went out years ago. It is not about disobeying your husband but about his desire to control and dominate. You may need to get tough with him, which is likely to startle him as he will not be expecting it but it will do him good.
On the other hand, when it comes to your children it is a little more complicated because legally it is a very difficult situation if one parent wants the children raised in a religion and the other does not. So here it would certainly be better to work something out by agreement.
It is certainly something you both need to talk about in some depth and if he is unwilling then perhaps raise the question of relationship counselling because this might only a be a symptom of a deeper underlying problem in the relationship.
Try not to be confrontational but be prepared to stand by your sense of what is right. While I hope he does not get aggressive I do expect that he will so make sure that you have a way of getting to somewhere safe while he cools down. Hopefully he will realise that he must respect your feelings and that he does not have the right to control your life in this manner.
Ideally you will be able to persuade him rather than force him to give in. I have always believed that a volunteer is better than a conscript.
Good luck
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Your husband says your disobeying him? Your not property. It's your choice to go to church if that's what you want to do. I'm really confused about his control here. As far as I know, marriage still doesn't give anyone the right to dictate the activities of the other person.
You have the right to take part in anything you choose too as long as it doesn't violate the morality within your marriage, weather or not he wants to participate. Going to church does not make you at all a bad wife. On the other hand his telling you what to do and what not to do does make him a wee bit bad husband.
I'd tell him not to participate if he doesn't want too, but this is something you want to do, and are going to do it. If he wants to "pretend" that he's in the right. Restricting you from taking part in activities is against the law. It's a sense of control. Your husband has no right to control you. You didn't marry him to fill his need to do so. You're suppose to be partners and have equal liberties to take part in whatever you choose too. If you told your husband not to go to church and he wanted too, would he listen to you?
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