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What should I do? My husband never offers me oral.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2008) 13 Answers - (Newest, 27 July 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, my husband and i have been together for 2 years. I give him oral sex every night sometimes even twice a night. He never gives me oral. He will tell me that he will do it one night and then finds an exscuse like i'm to tired, or he tried and i didn't wake up from my sleep. I'm a light sleeper by the way. What should i do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

I can't believe you do oral for him every night let alone more than once some nights. And yet he can't recipricate at all? He's selfish. Plain and simple. Even if its a lack of confidence (which I doubt) he would make an attempt to return the favor. I have the opposite problem and have tried all angles. I would be willing to do oral on my wife every night, she is willing to do oral on me once or twice a year. It's not right but for now I guess I have to accept it. You can try the other suggestions given here but the problem is not you...it's him.

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A female reader, maxxie United States +, writes (18 March 2010):

maxxie agony auntplease stop doing it for him... sounds like you have a selfish little ma right there, why the hell would you give him pleasure if he wont do it for you? he's your HUSBAND for god's sake. tell him no more licky till he goes down south. fair is fair

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

just get him in the mood! before you do him , tell him what u want! if he cares about you he'll care about your needs too. try getting some chocolate or whipped cream to put there.talk sexy to him dont be afraid to state exactly what you want. and show him your spot that will relieve tension. and please always smell good. Just let loose and have fun!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

I had this problem with my partner and my friend's husband (it was nothing dodgy & she was there when he said it but don't ask........!!) advised me to 'dress up sexy one night - totally surprise him - then sit on his face!!!!' I didn't quite have the boldness to do that but I told him straight that I LOVE oral SOO much and I said to him (whilst we were in bed and in the mood etc) that he had such tasty lips and tongue I wanted to feel them everywhere. Sorry if that was a bit x-rated but it worked in my case!!! his problem was confidence really. He MIGHT be nervous about it cos he is not used to taste & smell in which case, put some honey on it, or chocolate spread, or whatever he likes really!!!! Good luck xx

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A female reader, sandra2 United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Waking a partner because one partner want to make love or have sex is selfish, his, I feel is just an excuse, Expain marrriage is give and take. maybe there is a reason he does not want to do oral sex, ask him, discuss it.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (17 February 2008):

DoubleM agony auntWell he is certainly not being fair, as most all the agony aunts have implied, but "Dawnie" may be on to something when she advised his confidence may be lacking. You might check out my "how to" article by entering "cunnilingus" in the above search field and, if you like the piece, print it out and let your hubby read it. It is the first article listed I believe. Get him to do that and enjoy.

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A female reader, sandra2 United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Waking a partner because one partner want to make love or have sex is selfish, his, I feel is just an excuse, Expain marrriage is give and take. maybe there is a reason he does not want to do oral sex, ask him, discuss it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Give the guy a taste of his own medicine and stop giving it to him. See how he likes that. He's isn't going to change if you keep giving him what he wants regardless of him not giving you what you want.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2008):

kenny agony auntLike all the other aunts have said you really do have to talk to him about this. I think it is somewhat selfish of him, ultimately you are giving him pleasure and you are getting nothing in return. Broach the subject sooner rather than later, i feel the longer you leave it the harder it will get. If he still carries on like this then maybe you should stop giving him the pleasure that he has come to expect untill things change.

All the best

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Fairy_Lu agony auntJust talk to him about it, its unfair that you do it to him but dont get it back most people only give it to get it back, you need to talk to him and if he says he will do it but makes another lame excuse then stop doing it to him.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (17 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou can try communicating to him and if it does not bear fruit and you feel that you need orals, then set your boundaries for sex if him. No orals , no sex.

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Dawnie agony auntTalk to him. Make him understand how you feel, i'm sure if he had tried when you were asleep you would have woken.

Maybe he is not confident in trying this and is unsure of himself, you need to communicate with each other to know likes and dislikes etc. If he doesn't want to do this for any reason he needs to be honest with you. Have that talk.

Good luck.

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A female reader, soph* United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

hes ur husband u should be able to talk bout it, one night get a sexy outfit n mayb some sex toys he will have so much fun that night he will return the offer to u the next night.

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