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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I'm really depressed, because my husband does not make me feel loved. The question I have, is that what can I do ,if he says he loves me, but I don't feel it. Is the problem in him or in me? What can you do with a man, who says he loves you,and he can't explain it more than that,when I tell, about how I don't feel it/.Here are the reasons I think something is very wrong.He is not sexually affectionate, he spends all his time with work, he is not planning any activities with me, he most of the time disagrees with me, on major issues. The list is longer, but this are the most important. I just wonder, is this my own weakness,that I can't resolve this problem? I feel so depressed from this, that I want to leave regardless, to our long marriage and the family we have. We raised our children together. I know, marriage is hard, maybe it is not for the weak.... I feel weak, I feel, if it's goes like that I will lose my mind. I tried to focus on other things but nothing seem to cover this one. Can you advise something in this situation? Thanks
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female
reader, 2boysmom  +, writes (3 December 2009):
I was brought up in a very strict and uncommunicative family so it's hard for me to express my feelings. But the arguments your husband has with you and lack of activities are huge red flags. Those have nothing to do with communication skills but they reflect how much he likes you and likes spending time with you.I'm a hypocrite in saying this because I'm struggling with being more affectionate myself (I'm the wife) but I would have a huge problem with my husband not being affectionate or intimate out of the bedroom, which would make me doubt anything he does in the bedroom. Automatically saying "I love you" is easy and cheap and almost become meaningless when it's almost an appendix to "Good bye" or "Goodnight". My husband does that, but what won me over when we dated (I didn't give him the time of day for nearly a year because he was quite a few years younger) was that he also wrote frequent love letters which gave me insights into his feelings. He promised to always write when we got married and so far, he has kept his promise through 11 years of marriage and two kids. There are periods of time now when his projects keep him busy but he finds time to jot out a mushy one-pager, and that keeps me happy for a week (or more, since I love re-reading his letters). Like most men, at times he can be enigmatic and withdrawn and focused (don't they get that money alone don't make us happy) but I don't think I can live without the letters nor would I want to. Luckily, he likes to write them. All husbands should write, IMHO.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 If you don't feel loved then you probably aren't. Working long hours doesn't stop someone from doing things like taking two minutes to send an affectionate text, and it doesn't stop someone from finding time to spend with a spouse if they really want to. It sounds as though you're just incompatible, (sorry, I know you don't want to hear that), and maybe you should just confront him and ask how he'd feel about you finding yourself a boyfriend because you'd like a bit of romance in your life and he's become a complete drag. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): hello perhaps he thinks he does still luv you and in fact like most u have drifted apart why not pay a little more attention to you, have a night out with the girls all dressed up return a bit early and say only wanted to see u of course you will need nice outfitt and very nice underwear i am sure this will do the trick then chat about your fantasies and desires.
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