A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 6 years recently told me he wants a divorce. He says he is not in love with me and has only stayed with me out of obligation to our children. He admits to me that he doesn't understand why he feels this way, and that he feels I have been a good wife and mother, but he doesn't feel a "connection" between us. I assumed there was another woman involved, but he swears that's not the case, and I think he's telling the truth as he is almost always at home when he's not at work(he is self-employed and works alone so I know it's not a "some woman at the office" situation). I realize that if this is truly what he wants then there's not much I can do, but I feel I deserve better. "I know I married you and promised to stand by you forever and all, but it's been 6 years, and I'm getting tired of ya. Thanks for the 2 kids and everything" I have never been a difficult wife, I don't ask anything from him. I take care of our kids, our home, the yardwork, and I have a part-time job. He and I rarely fight about anything, and I never complain to him about the fact that I take care of all of this alone. How can I come to terms with this, the fact that I have done all I know to do to make this marraige work and it still wasn't enough? I've always loved him very much, but lately I feel so angry and hurt that I'm having trouble even talking to him. All I wanted was a loving family for the first time in my life. How do I handle this the right way? I don't want to hurt our children.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009):
I think there is something much deeper here Your husband sounds depressed and is not able to feel sexual and cannot fell sexy and is very down on himself i would immediately see a counselor You! and talk with a counselor about this I think a few BJ's in the shower would do wonders for your husband Men are very easy to please but you need to talk with some one you have been a woman that needs to ask for what she wants and have suffered a lot from neglect Hurry call a theripst right away best thing you could do
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 I am terribly sorry, my dear, and the previous two writers were brilliant. I can't help but think that when someone comes home out of the blue and says "I'm done" that there isn't someone else. Sorry. Either he is bald-faced lying, and it's another woman, or he is starting to come out of the closet and has been living on the down low previous to his decision.
Anyone who has taken vows and had children surely wouldn't toss away a good wife and mother and their CHILDREN unless there was truly an explanation, not a nice one, and one that has not been presented yet...
You sound like a lovely woman, and I am sorry to tell you that was my take when I read this question.
If I were you, I would not confront him, I would start getting my house in order and get a lawyer. Start getting your financial information together and then, hired a private investigator. I wouldn't bother telling him what you are doing until you are sure what exactly IS going on. Then you can present him with YOUR OWN fete accompli, legal papers, the same way that he presented you with his decision!
You haven't done anything to bring this upon you, but I would stand your own ground and be brave. You deserve a great guy, not this immature, lying little boy. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 I understand why you feel hurt. You've been a great wife, you supposed your relationship was working perfectly well, and all of a sudden you hear that he's leaving you. Your life and your expectations for the future are shattered, and it seems you have no recourse. That sure hurts. Also, if he felt that something was the problem, then he should have spoken earlier, to give you the chance to try to fix whatever could be fixed.
I am afraid, however, that it takes two to sustain a relationship, and it does not seem that is the case here. Several times I have heard people say the same thing your husband is saying. Usually it is because their life is good, and sometimes very good, but it is not exactly the life they wanted. To use an easy example, you found a chair, and it is very well made, it feels nice, it is sturdy, it was built to last, yet it is not exactly the oneyou would want. People say nothing at first, because they feel that they should not complain and rather be happy with their luck. But the feelings are always there, and, over the years, people get to feel trapped in a relationship. Some day they find it unbearable and leave.
I am sorry to hear you're going through that. I think, however, that you should not try to fight it. Let him go, if that is what he wants. Just let him know that there's no coming back. You're not going to go through all the pain just for him to "realize" he really had a good life with you.
Wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 June 2009):
Well wasn't it nice of him to talk about things and try to fix stuff rather than just letting it build and then want a divorce?
I do not think it is fair of him not to give your marriage a fighting chance.
Tell him that and say you want a last 6 months to try and turn things around with counselling.
Good Luck!! xx
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