A
female
age
41-50,
*ourdes
writes:I feel very sad and disappointed at the moment because my husband and I went to a party where I knew almost anyone and he didn't introduce me to anyone.He says he doesn't like all these mannerly introductions, but I think that's common sense. I got to introduce myself because he was standing there saying nothing about me and I could see the people around us expecting to find our who I was.Because of that I didn't really feel like socialising much.My husband got stuck on a chaire talking only to two friends of his and I was left talking to his mum the whole night. I exchanged replies with other people from time to time, but that was all.Am I paranoid about myself not being sociable or are these circumstances in which anyone would react like that as well? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I would have absolutely hated it and probably left the party. Iam very inseure and hate large groups at the best of times and would have been extremely annoyed not to have been introduced to people and left alone. If you go to a party I believe you go as a couple and should stay as a couple. If you don't know anyone it is common courtesy for your husband to introduce you as his wife and to stay with you so you are not left feeling left out and uncomfortable. I would have given it half an hour and gone and sat in the car or left him there depending on my mood. I would be extremely annoyed and probably not go to a party with him again unless some rules are put in place upfront.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 We men are sometimes very akward in a social setting and don't have a clue as to just how to go about proper introductions and as a result hurt the ones we love by being totally insensitive. It hurts to admit it but men are overly stupid when it comes to protocal at parties,etc. that's why so many of us get wasted and make fools of ourselves thinking we're being cool.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): Some people would Lourdes, I personally wouldn't care. I'm definitely lazy like that, unless my girlfriend is standing beside me I'm not going to walk around the room introducing her to people, she's more than capable of doing that herself, she's very much a social butterfly. She's similar too, she'll just let me go off and talk to other people.
Lourdes the thing is with parties is it's very easy to get carried away talking to other people. I mean we were at one recently and I literally didn't get a chance to talk to her from the moment we got in the door as she met some old school friends and stuff. I just went around meeting people, mingling and talking.
That's not to say you shouldn't care or that your reaction is wrong, I know plenty of people whose partners have to introduce them and stick them all night and stuff because they're not comfortable walking around alone introducing themselves to people or they're going to a function/party where their partner is the one who knows everyone and they have to find someone with whom their partner can strike up a conversation before they wander off.
I think you should let this go though OP, "very sad and disappointed" is an overeaction by any stretch of the imagination because this is something that is easily resolved. Your husband is the not the type to cling on to you all night introducing you to people and frankly I think you may just get annoyed if he was stuck to you all night in that way, especially if the role were reversed and it was you who knew loads of people there. Imagine sitting trying to talk to some old girlfriends of yours while he sits there not knowing what you're talking about and looking bored.
It's simple, if you're going to something like this again ask him beforehand to do some brief introductions for you to people you may have things in common with so you can have the ice broken for you and you're free to mingle then. just tell him you'd like that at the very start of the night before he heads off on his own and that you'll do the same for him if your roles are reversed. A compromise basically OP, just make a bit of a rule that for the first 30 minutes he'll introduce you to people or invite you join in a conversation if he sees you're alone. After that then you both can head off and do your own thing.
The main reason I think this isn't a battle worth fighting Lourdes is because the roles will be reversed some time, you'll have a function or party that you bring him along to and he too will end up spending some time talking to boring people he doesn't know while you're off catching up with old friends and stuff. I mean that party I talked about that we went to was an engagement party for one of her old school friends, she went off chatting all night while I sat there at the "boyfriends" table listening to guys talking about rugby and stuff like that and making inane small talk for the night. But we have to do those things sometimes for our partners OP, it was essentially her night and I was the +1, she'd bring a friend over to meet or bring a drink to my table and come over for the odd kiss and cuddle to see if I was alright. Come on you know how it works, we all do it.
This not something worthy of feeling "very sad" about OP. Just tell him to do a bit before he goes off, or accept that at some things you have to put up with being bored just so your husband can have a good night with his friends and stuff, he'll surely be returning the favour many a time during your lives together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): You have. Right to feel what you feel, trust yourself.It doesn't matter what your husband thinks about manners and so on. You are married, you are one now, and he should kind of play alone with you. If you have a need to be introduced to people, then he should listen Nd introduce you to people. We all different, and some of us are outgoing, and some don't, which is ok in any case.He should be there for you, especially if he knew that you are a new to the house.This is what marriage is all about. Even if we find our spouse a little weird in certain circumstances we are still there for them, trying to make our best to make them feel comfortable.He left you Nd he was wrong. I m not saying he should spend with you every single moment of that party, but to just drop you on your own in an unfamiliar place, it was wrong.And I I hhink you need to let him know that, he needs to get used to the ideA that this is how you are and be a good considering husband to you in future years to come:)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 No, not everybody would react like you. The circumstances have nothing exceptional. That ìs what parties are about : mingling, schmoozing, socializing, meeting people. Unless it is a very formal occasion, with the mandatory " may I introduce you to ... ?" Otherwise you go around, talk to people, respond to what they ask you, if they don't talk to you - you talk to them first " Hi, I am Sharon, Bob's wife . Lovely party, isnt'it ? Did you taste the shrimp cocktail yet ? ... How do you know hour host John, do you work with him, or ...? "
I admit that your husband would not have busted a lung if he had helped you break the ice, and introduced you to some of his friends, and most of all involved you in the conversation until you felt you could carry on on your own.
Men can be lazy in that, and maybe he is not a very social type himself. Then again, he was not really bound to do it. In fact , it's considered bad form and socially awkward if a married couple always stays glued together all night . That's why newly weds hate social occasions, most hosts won't seat them next to each other , as married people... they are supposed to have more enough of each other's company at home ,lol, so they can make themselves more useful in keeping the conversation going among strangers.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I would feel the same as you i'd feel awkward and i'd feel people want to know what am i doing here if i don't know anyone. If my partner did that i'd feel very much the same uncomfortable and not want to socialise because i'd not know anyone.Luckily i'm quite a sociable person but i'd never not introduce someone to someone else it's impolite and as you've said uncomfortable. i'd talk with him find out why he did that and ensure he knows what he done to you is not nice because you were left feeling very out of place.
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