A
female
age
41-50,
*enniferctl1978
writes:I found out off a very close friend that my husband had been having an affair with another woman.She works in an Italian restaurant/pizzeria [her family runs it] and was serving another customer when she recognized my husband with another woman and overheard him saying to her "this relationship's been great, we've been together since April 2005 and it's still going strong!" and then he proposed to her!I confronted my husband, he admitted it, and I started filing for divorce.When the divorce day came, a few months later, I went to court, and the judge ruled "there is no reason to divorce, take it to counselling!"I'm miserable, and want to divorce, but how do I get my husband to - knowing he's with this other woman, and wants to move her in!!My parents know and have been a great emotional support. I thank them for their help.I could move out, but I'd be homeless, and I'm not sure I'd want to move back in with my parents again.How can I deal with this - I feel unhappy a lot every day, just thinking about the torrid affair.Jennifer
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Anon. I didnt know they were all nuts. I thought i was just unlucky.
In UK i can tell you for sure they do not make you go but it used to be offered and may now be a standard part of the proceedings. But its up to the partys involved. It is a good thing really and doesnt mean you have to try and kiss and make up at all. It can be an opportunity to communicate face to face rather than via solicitors letters. It can save some money. Or have a last slanging match and be ushered out like i was. You got to go through the system to understand it. Everyone thinks they know a bit about it but its not as simple. For instance. The guy may have admitted addultery but that dont mean he can be divorced for it. All he has to do is say he didnt. Then you have to prove he did. Irreconcilible differences is less hassle.
My guess is the op has taken all her legal advice on till 3 at tescos and while thats cheap its also flawed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): Some Judges are nuts. Don't put confidence in anything this Judge says. Mucho experience here. Just refile the divorce. then, decide which living conditions preserve more of your emotional health.
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A
female
reader, bitch  +, writes (18 October 2009):
This judge has no right to make you try to work out something that you feel is irreconciable (did I spell that right?). You cannot reconcile this relationship because you would always be wonder if he would do this again and what he is doing when he is not with you. It is not fair for the judge to make a decision for somebody when the judge does not have to live your life, you do!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Judges cant make you go to councelling if you dont want it. Divorces dont just pop through the letterbox and if there is no reason for granting a divorce then why havent you provided the reasons. Irreconcilible differences is all you need to put. You say he has also admitted adultery. The sketchy information you have provided makes no sense to me at all.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 October 2009):
Gina's right. Talk to the lawyer, get a quick divorce adn move on. If they still want you to do counselling, go, grim and bear it for a while, then leave at the first possible moment. Good luck.
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