A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my husband accidentally left a voicemail on my cell phone where he is talking to his friends and saying " the dumb bitch won't answer her phone" I feel very hurt I never thought he would refer to me as a dumb bitch and I feel disrespected and he won't even talk to me about it. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babyblues2113 +, writes (23 December 2013):
I don't really think it matters if he was out drinking or the two of you were in an argument. I don't think you should blame yourself for your husband disrespecting you. It is our instinct as women to try to justify the behavior of those we love, but some things are not justifiable. He should never have said what he did and he at least owes you an apology or whatever kind of conversation you would like to have. What an incredibly hurtful thing to hear. I would definitely explain to him that he is the person you are supposed to be able to trust and feel loved by, above all others. When he disrespects you behind your back (or to your face), it makes you feel like you've made a mistake in putting your trust in him.
A
female
reader, cheryl12 +, writes (24 July 2012):
He spoke about you like that because he doesn't value you. If he is calling you that around other people it is because he does not respect you. If I were you I would consider getting out of this relationship. When you love somebody you don't talk about them like that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): I have never talked about my wife like this, even to myself, in 20 years.
This calls for some serious discussions.
Probably with help from a counselor.
Also, sounds like he needs to lose some friends if he talks about you in front of them or to them like this about you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2011):
 I don't think ther IS an excuse for this. I would tell him, and I would explain how it made you feel.
IF he doesn't get it, I might... give him a taste of his own medicin.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 October 2011):
 Ouch.
It sounds like he was talking macho in front of his friends and his bravado caught up with him.
He at least owes you an apology. He made a mistake and he must face up to that fact. Plain and simple. He can't undo what he did, but he can at least man up to the fact that he was an idiot.
Failing that, I think you have to take a serious look at your relationship and what sort of respect he gives you. Sometimes this is a wake-up call to bigger and underlying problems that you haven't looked at before. Scary as it may sound, this may just be the tip of the iceberg of you seeing a whole new side of your husband and your marriage in general.
Hopefully he can find a way to make it up to you, but sometimes the pain of this just takes time to get over. Just give him a little bit of time to get over making a fool of himself. If you married a good man he'll come around.
Good luck and you have my sincerest apologies.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (1 October 2011):
I'm sorry to read that he said such a thing. I can only assume he uses his friends to vent out about his marital situation and when doing that he just calls you that out of anger. I believe although he would do this behind your back, he could do it to your face if he got angier enough. In any event you may never would have thought he'd do something like that n he may never would have dreamed of actually saying it to u. I suppose you all were having discord a little when he made the accidental v mail to your phone. He tries real hard to respect you and now he doesn't know what to say after having said that, he probably doesn't have an excuse for it. Tell him that it hurted you and you would like to know how he feels about saying that and causing you hurt. Do u feel remorseful...Just talk with him and maybe even apologize before the talk so the ice is broken and communication with dialogue and explanation is given. The worse thing to do in this case is hassle him. For some reason he could be upset and you two need to just express those emotions rather than let them build n venting with friends and accidentally leaving that type of message to be later heard. Tell him you love him and you want to be more communicative. I wish you the very best. tc
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A
male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall  +, writes (1 October 2011):
I can understand how that would make you upset. What was your husband doing at the time? If he was out drinking and acting like a teenager with his buddies then he could have just been showing off and being a jerk. Guys do stupid things all the time. I doubt that he feels you are a stupid bitch or else he would not have married you. You need to decide whether to confront him or not. You could tell him that you heard what he said and were hurt by it and see what his response is. He could sincerely apologize and regret it, but you won't know unless you give him that chance.
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