A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it okay for my boyfriend to be out with his friends drinking and discussing our personal problems with them? He says it's normal and that maybe I should start telling my friends more of our personal issues to vent or whatnot. I think it's completely uncalled for, and that our business should remain our business. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 People talk to their friends about their problems. In fact it is more of a girl thing to do, to dissect every tiny bit of the relationship with their friends. It's the guys who tend to keep problems bottled up. It is normal to discuss things with friends. That's what friends are there for, after all. Things are said in confidentiality. If you do not approve of that then you need to say so clearly, but you can't demand that he doesn't speak to his friends. The only things I do not approve of being spoken about is things that I tell my partner in confidentiality, things I state I do not want him to talk to anyone else about. Such as if I share something personal. But problems in a relationship are just as much his problems as yours, and he is free to solve his problems in his way.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2011):
He should be able to talk about problems with friends. That's what friends are partially there for. They can offer advice and sympathy and a listening ear when something has gone wrong.
You can't stop him and you shouldn't stop him. That's just controlling, and it'll just lead to him becoming more and more emotionally distant from you. He has every right to discuss things with his friends. He's right, it is perfectly normal. The whole point of trusting people and having them in your life is that you share things with them. It would be utterly pointless to have friends if you're just going to be a closed emotional book. And, in truth, sometimes a problem shared is a problem solved. Most people who have serious problems are the ones who don't talk about it.
I think he's right and that he should be able to discuss the good and that bad with his friends.
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