A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been horrribly humilated, betrayed, and heartbroken by my ex fiance of over 2 years . Every time we had an argument, he would give me the cold shoulder until I would cave in a week later and ask him to discuss the problem. I have been married before so I wanted to try my best to use conflict resolution skills/be the bigger person. He was totally smothering me for the past year. I was working on my post graduate degree and working full time. I had very little time. If i didn't answer his call, he would call 8 or 9 times plus texts. After graduation, I wanted to celebrate, WITH HIM!! However, he said partying and drinking is unholy and I wasn't a true believer in Christ. I have been a believer LONG before him. As a matter of fact, he overcame a porn/sex addiction. I accepted this about him. But, he would not accept a couple of parties??? So, he said he wasn't going to call me after I asked for some space and time for myself to relax. This time, I refused to call him first. After a month, I gave in again and called him. No answer. I waited another week and texted him asking to talk. No answer. I then threatened to go to his office to talk. He finally agreed to meet but only with his friends present. I refused because that's stupid. I have now learned he has a new, serious girl friend. This all happened in 2 months. I am so sad that he treated me this way. Please help and thank you
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female
reader, MaryB +, writes (7 August 2011):
Addictions of any kind usually, lend hand to an addictive personality, in general thus, his overwhelming need for control over your life. It is obvious, he didn't care much about what you were doing as long as it didn't affect him. His wants and needs were more important. I know you cared about him but, be thankful that he has someone else to control now. Do not think for a moment that he will not treat her the same way. HE WILL! Do not allow his actions to make you feel guilty for putting your priorities first above his- you have every right to want what is best for you. This guy has a lot of growing up to do before he realizes that life isn't just ALL ABOUT HIM! In the meantime, move on with your life and be successful..the day will come when that certain someone who is worthy of your love and respect will come into your life. Take care!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Thank you dear posters! All of your opinions are comforting. I found a great therapist and I plan to work on why I was with an emotionally abusive jerk. I didn't realize until now that he played me like a toy. Its funny how he started out as Prince charming and ended up being a wolf in sheep's clothing.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (6 August 2011):
 A break up always hurts, no matter how.
It sounds like this guy had some issues though. If you re-read your post, it sounds like he came with his own set of baggage: sex addictions, controlling issues (you call it smothering, but it sounds more like control issues) and it sounds like you had poor conflict resolution.
There is a point in where a couple gets a long and there's a point where couples have to struggle for every inch to make their relationship work. And from someone looking at it from the outside and only from your post, it doesn't sound like you were truly compatible for long-term love. In fact, i would probably guess that within 5 years you'd be looking for husband #3.
No one is judging you or thinks less of you for trying to make it work and you shouldn't feel duped that he was able to rebound so quickly and find "love". My guess is that it is a rebound relationship and he found someone he could control.
Given time, I think you'll recover and while you'll always have a soft spot for him, I think you'll be able to look back and say "Thank God I didn't marry him." Remember to keep your faith and know that God has a plan for you.
Best wishes and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Opps just realised you have broken it off. I got carried away and didn't read properly. This man is a wank. Put him firmly in your past and move on. He's in the wrong not you!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (6 August 2011):
Don't marry this man sweetheart. He's not going to make you happy he will destroy your heart and soul. Break the engagement off and run as fast as you can.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 August 2011):
 I'm sorry that you're feeling humiliated, betrayed, and heartbroken by your ex. It's no fun breaking off of a relationship, and even worse feeling that he's moved on so quickly after playing tons of games with you.
May I suggest another emotion you may want to sample? RELIEF. You didn't marry this emotionally abusive withholding jerk. He was playing you like a violin, right down to you chasing after him and emotionally prostrating yourself before him, sacrificing your dignity over and over again. Do you want someone who treats you like this?? I have another emotion to sample. How about DISGUST and PITY for him and the girl who is now subjected to his horrid way of controlling women.
Had you married this guy, your life would be a living hell, and I mean Living Hell. Imagine disagreeing with him in the matter of sex, finances, and children? Being parents means discussing moral issues that even believers have conflicts about.
Don't threaten to meet him. Don't call him anymore. Don't even allow him the satisfaction of thinking that you think of him in any way but sheer distaste and indifference. Truly, I have a feeling you'll eventually have these actual emotions regarding him. He is not one to be pined over.
Why did he treat you this way in the first place? Simple. Because he could. He could withhold himself from you until you couldn't stand it anymore and caved into whatever he wanted, whatever he thought. That's no way to have a relationship or marriage.
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A
male
reader, Will 77 +, writes (5 August 2011):
It always hurts when it ends. It really sounds like you're better off, though.
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