A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My man have his deceased ex pictures posted on everything, Am I being Insensitive?My man posts pictures of his deceased ex on his profile page. She died a year ago. The picture posted as his main photo is him and her together hugged up. At that moment and time they were very much in love with one another. He also has pictures of her on his computer, cell phones, camera, and has a album of photos of her on the page as well. We started talking a month prior to her death, they stopped talking (relationship wise) the year before but then remained friends.All the while we have been talking i knew about the album of pictures of her on the page but when i saw his page recently i became angry. Becausewe discussed this once before and he knows that I only want to try and help him and to me i think it's over the top to have a main picture of them like that posted and alittle disrespectful to me.Living or deceased of your past love posted on everything he owns and now the first thing people (or shall I say myself) see when going onto his page. He says i'm over-reacting, childish because there is no threat "she's dead" and that's how he is dealing with her not being here.My thing to him was you have these photos of her everywhere how can you heal or get past the grieving process with you adding photos onto everything he owns, that's a constant reminder he'll never get over and on with his life. She'll always be in his heart and he will always have memories. I suggested that maybe he could talk to someone professionally, because how he is going he will never be able to move on. But he's thinks i'm totally wrong and that he can do whateverhe wants to and put whatever he wants on his page. Am I wrong??
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female
reader, CLM +, writes (2 April 2010):
Your question touches my heart. I do feel for you. But, I understand what he is going through. He might feel guilty that he did not do more to be with his ex. It takes a very long time to get over the death of a loved one. I've seen it take as long at 10 years. You've got to take care of yourself now. He will be fine and whatever advise you give to him - you've now got to take this same advise and apply it to yourself. I know you care about him - but you can't compete with his free will to pay his respects to someone he did love and one cannot compete with his desire to keep the pictures up for as long as it takes. You've got another Destiny waiting for you. Keep It Real and Keep It Moving. CLM
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Only you can tell if his grief is confected as a way of controlling you, or big noting himself; or if it if genuine.
In the first case you are being mistreated and should put your foot down. In the second case that would be insensitive in the extreme, as a year is not very long.
It doesn't at all help that if he is using it as a lever to control you then when you rebel he will attempt to behave as if he is genuine.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I'm sorry you have to go through this but it been only a year I don't think he is ready for a relationship. He has to go through steps and accept the fact that she has passed away. I think he needs and will put those pictures away when he is ready because if you force him too he will only put them else where and idealizing her in private and I don't think that is healthy for him either he needs to be able to vent I think it might be to soon for a relationship.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 March 2010):
He shouldn't have taken on another girlfriend unless he had come to terms with her death. He won't get over her totally, and she will always be there in his heart. But to have photos everywhere shows he's not over her and not ready for a relationship at this time. You could tell him to get rid of them, but you know it won't work. So perhaps it would be better to move on.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Burn them or tell him to. Its gone and he needs help or shock tatics.
Give him an ultimatum on there removal or tell him to leave. I am not sure he even loves you anyway. Like many men he is in love with a dream!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Its lovely of you to want to help him get over his ex gf. But it will be hard because you are in a relationship with him, so you cant be objective and i will hazard a guess that you arent a trained counsellor. So its not going to be easy for you.
You are a rebound gf in a way. Hes using you to help him, so you arent going to be getting the love and attention you need. Which is going to make things difficult for you. Id say just be friends with him until hes over her. It would mean you were free to find the love and support you need/ You could then give this guy the attention he needs, without having to make any demands on the small emotional reserve he has for a relationship at the moment. He is using his emotional energies to grieve for his friend and wont have much over for you......as demonstrated by his picture obsession. He isnt thinking about you at all right now.
My partner separated from his ex a year before i met him. A year into my relationship with him, he was telling me he was JUST getting over loving his ex wife!! That was 2 years ago and the other day he threw away some of her pictures he had been keeping, unbeknown to me. It can take a very long time for some to recover from things. Unless you can afford to sacrifice a lot of time while you wait for him to get over her. And be prepared to feel second best to his deceased friend for ever, id seriously think about moving on and just remaining friends with him x
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A
female
reader, jkobeska +, writes (30 March 2010):
My husband lost his first love 4 years ago. They were broken up but still friends. He was actually at the party she was when she left and was killed while driving drunk. While we were dating he did once call her his girlfriend and that pissed me off but I let it go and he doesn't talk about her much at all. He does still have one picture of them together but it doesn't bother me.
Granted your case is way more extreme! His profile pic schould really be you. Maybe you could suggest he put that picture up on the day of her death every year or something not always that is friggin weird.
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A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 You arent wrong at all. He is way over the line. It would be very hard to be in your position. Be sensitive but put ur foot down.
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A
male
reader, OrangeJuice +, writes (30 March 2010):
 It seems that you are certainly in line, that must be very difficult to deal with when you are with your man and you see pictures of his past woman everywhere, you have to be very careful about the situation though as its certainly a sensitive topic for him, yes you are right that it will be very difficult for him to get over her when he is constantly reminding himself of her. You should tell him that it really hurts you to see him constantly looking back, and that your not getting what you think you deserve out of the relationship because he is not focused on you. Maybe time is the answer though and he will get over her, but you can cetainly try to push the issue a bit and convince him that the pictures and the vast amount of focus on his past woman will only make the process more difficult. You are not wrong to be concerned about this.
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