A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I really need to talk to someone, but I can't see a counselor or a psychologist right now, so please help me. I'll give you my story, sorry it's so long. It all started last summer, when I was seventeen. I met this great guy and went out with him for a few months. I found out through his cousin that he had cheated on my twice. He just wanted to get laid and I wouldn't do that with him, especially not after only a month of dating him. We broke up and drifted away, but soon after I met another guy. I did have my reservations on whether or not to date him. I accept full responsibility for that bad decision, it was a mistake to go out with him so quickly, especially since I wasn't comfortable with it. Later he ended up raping me when he was driving me home one day. That was the first night he said he loved me, so I stayed with him. About a month later I realized how stupid I was being and broke up with him. He got so angry and threatened me, I got so scared, but felt I couldn't tell my parents what happened, so me and him pretty much just broke off all ties. Much later, I ended up dating a really close friend. Still dating him. He is really an amazing guy, and the only one who knows what happened to me. Problem is...he flirts with his ex still. It makes me feel horrible. I talked to him about it and he said that he will stop, and that he never wants to hurt me. How do I know if he will though? How would I ever know if he is lying to me? I really want to trust him, but with everything that has happened to me, I'm just not sure how to trust guys anymore. What should I do? I really need to talk, please help me.
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female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 i am so sorry to hear wot has happen to u. i totally understand that u have trust issues and u say that u don't have time to go and see a counsellor but when u do think u should especiallly for what u have been though its good to talk 2 a complete stranger who doesn't know u or ur background. u r very lucky to have a great boyfriend but the firlty with the ex isn't fair on u tell him its really upsetting u. i don't think ur goin to ever have trust fr anyone untill u go counsellin that way u r leting it all out u can scream and everything.its not fair what u have been through and i hope ur life gets better good luck xx
A
female
reader, Aunt Bella +, writes (8 June 2007):
First of all I want to say how proud I am of you to speak out on how you feel thats the first stage in any situations that you may feel you can't figuer out your self. I'm sorry to hear what has happened to you in the last year, it must of been hard but already to what you have wriiten things are starting to look better. I'm glad you didn't give in to the first relationship in the summer just because he wanted to get laid, it shows that you are a strong person and kept to what you wanted to do which was defenatly the right desicsion. In the second relationship Don't blame your self for what he did, he is a pig, you were week an unsure of what you wanted and he took advantage of this, but you again gained your strenght and let him go. Trust: To what has happened to you will make it hard for you to trust any one, but how I would see it is that any new relationship is a start of a new chapter in your life, the pages have turned with the past and you need to start again. there will always be the fact of trust because of your past, but how you describe you new boyfriend he will understand this, by the sound of things he will do anything for you and thats great. I have all ways said I will trust everyone until they break the trust with me thats when I start to think can I trust them again. so really you should trust him and if he dose break the trust between you to then ask your self can you trust him again because at the moment you can't trust the boy's you have had relationshps with but not the one you have got now he hasn't done anything wrong, so good luck stay strong and stay positive trust is important and it can only be broken if the one you like or love breaks it.
Bella x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): I agree with shortybabes, if your new guy really cares for you he will understand why you feel insecure and do something about it, if he doesn't then maybe he isn't the guy for you.
If you do decide to stay in your current relationship try to keep things light hearted as much as you can, this can give you an excellent opportunity to get to know each other and discover whether you can find each other trustworthy. There is nothing worse than jumping head long into a full blown relationship only to find out that the person you are dating isn't quite what you thought.
If you decide that maybe he isn't for you I would strongly suggest you take some time out to be on your own and discover yourself for a while. You can only truly be happy with someone if you are happy with yourself.
Finally, I have a friend who is a relationship counsellor and he told me you can tell a lot about someone from their body language. Someone who can't look you in the eye, is turned slightly away from you or has their arms crossed is most likely on the defensive and could be lying.
I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, shortybabes +, writes (8 June 2007):
 This guy that you are dating needs to unerstand that after everything that has happened you feel insecure and find it hard to trust anyone.After what you have been through it is very understandable hun, you should try to tell him how you feel and tell him that if he is with you and he doesn't want to hurt then he certainly shouldn't be flirting with his ex.
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