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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in new relationship, we are very much in love and we're happy. The sex is good, it wasn't to begin with, which we discussed and now it's good and getting better all the time. However we recently discussed Anal sex and I'm worried now that If I have it with him he might view me differently and maybe not think of me in the same way, we have exchanged a few text msgs about the subject, and his were quite graphic and I don't understand why but I felt really quite offended. Will he think of me as a whore if I go backdoor with him? (I've had an experience before where I was treated differently after the event)
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (1 March 2006):
 not all men will treat you differently after " the event" i have been in this situtuation with a couple of guys and niether of them casual relationships, i dont think it has much to do with love , either your after a few nights with someone and suggest it or your after a long term relationship with someone and suggest it, just do what you feel comfortble doing and dont feel pressured
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (26 February 2006):
 If you want to try it then do, if not dont, it is a sexual act but not for everyone, he suggested it so must want it and should not treat you differently after it.
If you dont want it or feel afraid then it is not for you so stand your ground and say NO.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Is anal sex something you want? Who's idea was it. If it's your idea and you want it, then do it. If it's something he's pushing you towards, wait for some time to see what his motives are.
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A
female
reader, mountainmama +, writes (22 February 2006):
In reply to anonymous male, if this was a long term relationship I would definitely agree that he is wanting to get as intimate as humanly possible. Since this is new, according to our questioner, I question his motives. In the first couple of months they should be happy with vanilla sex LOL. Experimentation comes with trust, which is earned with time.However, the last two points are very valid...if he forces the issue, he is not a good guy and don't get bullied into it. Lots of lube is a must, as are condoms (since this is new you just don't know...this is the number one route for HIV because of the fragility of the tissue.) Oh yeah, make him wash up after any of that...gastrointestinal bacteria suck when introduced to the genitourinary tract.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): I don't think it's fair to say that he only wants to try it because you're not "the one". He may very well think you ARE the one and want to do something intimate with you that he's never tried before. Don't forget that trying this requires a lot of trust and love on both sides and maybe it will make you closer and stronger. Do it if YOU want to, and if you don't he should respect that. If he doesn't then he's not the one for you. Oh, and use LOTS and LOTS of lube. ;) Have fun!
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A
female
reader, mountainmama +, writes (22 February 2006):
It is a definite possibility--men will definitely push the envelope with women they don't really care about because they can--they don't see her as "the one" (whom they would never dream of asking this.) Since this is a new relationship and you don't seem all that comfortable with doing it at this stage, put it off. By all means communicate about sex, but don't do anything that leaves you with any doubt.If this is a brand new relationship and he is already pushing towards the edge, I have to wonder whether he is really as "in love and happy" as you are. At the beginning, he should be happy to be with you without the kink....adding spice is for later down the road.
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