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male
age
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anonymous
writes:We have a friend staying with us who is doing some carpentry for us (for pay), and this evening before dinner I said to the hot and dusty guy, "don't you want to take a shower before dinner?" he declined and I repeated, "are you sure? I can ask Jane (my wife) if we can delay dinner." To which he angrily replied"Jeez, you ask me twice and Jane already asked me 3 times. I feel like I don't have my own words."I didn't say a thing, but wow, I didn't know Jane had already asked him... How would you have reacted? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2020): You were talking to him as if he is a stupid child, no wonder he got annoyed. Never a good idea to be friendly with work men, always keep friendships and business arrangements separate.
You may think you will get a better job or a cheaper job but there is always a bit price to pay in return.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 August 2020):
 I would have reacted by changing subject at once and forgetting about it. Your friend has not been very .. friendly , his was a sharp anser to a polite question... then again , I can put myself easily in his ( dusty) shoes and Jeez, how annoying is it to be asked the same thing 5 times ?! Did you not understand " no " the first time ?...
Your friend is an adult, not a 5 years old kid, you do not get to decide what's the best moment for him to shower. He will have his own reasons ; who knows maybe he was going to shower anyway before going to bed and did not want to undress twice, maybe he only showers with his own soap, shampoo and towels, .... maybe he is a bit of a pig,! make a mental note next time when you need a handyman to hire one who's cleaner and fresher. Point being, he is not 5, you are not his parents and if he says " no " the first time, then do not insist and accept that alas you'll have a sweaty guest at your table.
Of course you did not know that your wife had asked him thrice already, true- but ditto for her, if she had just
asked her question once- in total it would have been only twice the same question,- not enough to make your friend explode.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): The dust and dirt comes from many years of grime accumulated behind walls, with mouse poop, dust mites, and residue from who-knows-what(?). The dust on his body contaminates your table. He's smelly from sweat and has body odor from a day's work. How were you to know he'd already been asked? Then he still refused after both of his hosts offered him time to go cleanup and refresh himself. He probably had every intention, but mistook the request as a command.
I would have only laughed it off, if he had!
Alrighty-then! He got quite aggressive about it. You took it there buddy!
"You're more than welcome here in our house; but we have some house-rules. It was only a suggestion you cleanup before you sat at our table; and you are welcome to eat elsewhere, if you wish! You are our guest; and it was never our intention to offend you!"
That's why you don't hire "buddies" for contractor-work without a signed-contract. They know they've got you over barrel, if you tick them off! They could for no conceivable reason find a a way to intimidate you into thinking they might not finish the job, or decide to charge you extra. You want cheap-work, you might catch some unexpected flack in the process. Who's doing whom a favor? He's not doing it for free! Doing business with friends is tricky, you'd better have the best relationship going; or you'll be where you are now. Now he knows you're somewhat intimidated, and/or feeling a little guilty.
Man-up, dude! He made it a pissing-contest! It might have been the delivery; and he just took it the wrong-way! Leave it alone now, the time to react was then and there. Your window of opportunity to assert your stance has come and gone. You chill for the moment.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 August 2020):
 I’m surprised he didn’t want to shower before dinner, but I’m not surprised he was bothered by being asked 5 times. Just leave it now and communicate with your wife to avoid unintentionally pestering him with the same question multiple times again.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (27 August 2020):
 If he was not staying with you, and was just there for like the afternoon or something i could understand he might want to take his shower at home.
But as he is staying with you, i can't understand him not wanting to take a shower before dinner. Is he going to go to bed all hot a sweaty like that too?.
I don't think you or your wife did anything wrong here, infact you were both just being good hosts, like anyone would have been.
Let it go, think he was way to sensitive, and rather rude to be honest.
Maybe don't upset him just yet, at least not until he has finished your carpentry lol.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): If a friend or a family member ask me repeatedly if I want to take a shower I would assume I must be smelling awful and I would jump to the offer. He can't be very smart.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 August 2020):
 You didn't do anything wrong, OP. You and your wife were just trying to see to his comfort. I honestly don't know why someone would work all day and be hot and dusty and not want to take a shower, but who knows? The two of you didn't realize that each other had asked him about the shower.
I would have just laughed and said "Sorry dude..no problem. Just wanting to make sure you were comfortable." Let it go. Like Honeypie says, he's a grown man and if he wants to be yukky and dirty then that's his choice.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 August 2020):
 I don't think you made a faux pas here, he was dusty and dirty from working. Most people would have said, thanks and jumped in the shower.
But the thing is, this is a GROWN ASS man, if he wanted to take a shower he would have. Being asked 5 times might just have seen a little.. excessive.
I wouldn't worry. What you AND your wife asked him was just a polite common sense offering of a shower.
Let it go. He might have been a little oversensitive here. And it might have felt awkward (for him) to take a shower at someone else place.
I would have laughed it off, honestly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): Hi
He may have felt quite insulted and pressured into taking a shower when he actually may not want one. He is a grown man who is quite capable of asking if he can clean up himself. I think really, you and your wife don't like the idea of a hot sweaty dusty man dining with you. Just be honest with him, if you would rather he be more hygienic when at the table then ask him to show respect and clean up before eating with you both or eat alone, as you both should also show respect to him by not treating him like a child with wishy-washy words and hints.
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